To ask your top tips for a 16 year old's party - this Saturday!!!

[loveyouradvice]

Hi... I've been so chilled about this... so much else going on from GCSEs to work commitments and sick mother ....

But I've suddenly realised I do have 70-80 teenagers turning up at our house to party on Saturday night...

DD has bought disco lights - a mate has done playlist - we're ordering range of beer and cider (and champagne for midnight when it actually turns into her birthday) with not much to munch on beyond crisps, popcorn and sweets and guacamole/hummous.... we're putting away anything breakable and covering the downstairs loo floor as we've been warned by DD and her mates that it "could get really manky".

She's lined up 4 mates to be the "bouncers" if there is any trouble ..and laughingly said all her male mates are small or tall and gentle but the two girls are pretty feisty!

We have guest list - and I'm allowed to be on the door for the first hour and then instructions to vanish so DH and I will be watching telly upstairs - and occasionally glancing out of window to see what actually is going on!

Oh and she's said we should put a "Private" sign half way up the stairs but be a bit relaxed so that only her closest mates go up to first floor. Luckily we have bizarre outside loo (70s decor!!) as well as inside one so should be enough.

They are basically nice kids... but they are 16 and demob happy after exams! And I know some of them are quite capable of getting slaughtered though DD is pretty moderate in her drinking and feeling very responsible.... but she isn't one of the feisty girls, much gentler.

So..... what are your top tips? What have I missed? What do you wish you had known before hosting teens at home?

Just a further thought, OP.

I wouldn't have let (or let) any of mine go to a house party for 80 teenagers at that age. The vast majority of my friends wouldn't have let theirs go, either (and none of us is fussy and helicopterish - we all let ours drink a bit, have parties etc - hence my comments earlier, which were all based on much smaller gatherings). Which means that the ones who do go are likely to be the ones at the wilder/more laissez-faire end of the scale (if you see what I mean).

I didn't see that in the OP - I'd never provide alcohol or be seen to condone it in anyway. To the PP that asked, no it isn't normal to do this - I don't know any party where the parents have provided alcohol and I wouldn't let my children go if they did.

(They'll smuggle it in anyway, so no hope of a sober affair. ).

My final thought, then I'll go away. OP, you sound far too nice to let yourself in for this. I have just remembered someone setting fire to an antique chair.

Another thought- you will have no way of knowing how much everyone is drinking - it can’t be monitored. What if someone gets very ill which is likely, are parents not going to be furious and hold you responsible for providing alcohol to underage kids and having no idea what’s been consumed?

Drugs are another one of my worries, your daughter won’t be close friends with 80 people, maybe lots of acquatainces. What if drugs start being taken/ offered? It can all get very serious very quickly. You have no way of keeps an eye on 80 drunk kids.

I think you are being extremely naieve and irresponsible frankly

Great idea to provide pizza, ice lollies and toast. They will all be v v popular

I would also get, for a painting and decorating place, some non -slip, waterproof covering for the carpet. It is unobtrusive but v v useful, an cope with paint spilt so that vomit would be easily protected from.

you can provide alcohol to kids from 6 years up in your own home!

Yes, to your OWN child.

And no this is not normal in the UK. There are obviously a small minority of parents who think this is cool, or that their kids are resonsible enough. But they are too stupid to take into account the other 15 and 16 years olds who will be there, drinking under peer pressure and getting drunk on alcohol provided by the PARENTS.

Its a mindfield enough bringing up teenage girls and having to juggle whether they are allowed to go here or there. Risking whether some stupid child will bring alcohol or worse to a party. But to have some stupid parent providing it and allowing them to get pissed is just pathetic.

I'm guessing the other parents do not know you are going to be providing drink? I would suggest you tell them so they can decide where to go from there. They are 15 and 16 FFS, why feel the need to give them a piss up as a celebration?

^^this.

Good luck Op, I hope it goes well. And come back to tell us even if it went badly, it will then hopefully put some other parent off having one

It would only take one parent to complain and you could be in serious troyble for supplying underage kids with alcohol. No way in hell would I do this.

The thing is children (and some parents) are wanting them to grow up too fast IMHO anyway (there are many many years to be an adult)

We have DC in early 20s - we have an attitude of yes we enjoy drinking but not unsupervised as a 15 year old - a friend of ours DS ended up with alcohol poisoning at his own 16th birthday party so was rushed to A&E

Why do they need alcohol provided for them to have a good time at 16?

Yes I realise they are too old for jelly and ice cream and pass the parcel parties but really really strongly think they shouldn't have alcohol provided by the parents to 15 & 16 year olds

Actually they might enjoy jelly & ice cream

Thanks all... I do understand about the alcohol but I think one either has to go with the set they're in... or not. We have chosen to do so. I would be really worried if she was one of the ones getting drunk regularly and am super aware that we need to be responsible for those that do.

As I said I researched it very carefully last year when she was coming up to 15, and all the parents will know there will be alcohol. It is the ones who condone vodka that shock me.

Never mind the booze - I'm having an attack of the vapours thinking about the hummus and guacamole - people will be double dipping!!!

I used to live in Jersey - teenage party - lots of drugs and drink. 18 year old ‘lovely boy’ took loads of drugs, passed out in garage and was left, next morning lovely ‘friends’ dumped him in the road where he was found by a dog walker. He died in hospital - because the teenagers did not want to call an ambulance because they would have got in trouble - lovely people - beware they are not all ‘nice’.

loveyouradvice... O dear. The thing is, very few parents condone vodka at parties for 15-16 yr olds. But vodka happens. And if 80 people attend and, say, half of them are completely plastered, how are you going to be responsible for them? You really can't and shouldn't be in the position of being responsible for someone else's child (and 15 yr olds are definitely still children) and what they are drinking. Your DD sounds very sensible, which is great, but there's a massive question mark over parents who supply alcohol to other people's children. I don't mean this to sound horrible - I just think you're possibly being a little bit naive about how it might pan out, and how other parents (even relatively liberal ones - which I am) might view it. I accept that my DC will go to parties where alcohol is smuggled in (they might even be the smugglers, for all I know). But I would have been mightily pissed off if another parent had been providing it when they were that age.

All 80 sets of parents have given explicit permission for the alcohol?

You only need someone to get really ill and it could get very nasty.

"All the parents will know there is alcohol"

How? If there as many teens attending as you claim, how can you know that all their parents understand that you will be providing their children with alcohol?

I have DD about to turn 16, it wouldn't cross my mind that any of her friends parents would provide large quantities of alcohol at a big mixed party like this.

I've had parents ask if it's ok to offer a single fruit cider or glass of bubbly to mark a birthday but what you are doing is very different.

Of course teens will try and smuggle in booze and some will succeed. That at least limits the quantity of alcohol they can get access to.

If there is a problem and someone ends up unwell you are responsible for facilitating & encouraging them to drink to excess.

My son went to a party at a girls house when he was 16 .. the mom was actually in .. he got plastered and luckily she brought him home ( I was going to pick him up anyway later) .... he was throwing up .. lying on the bathroom floor... unresponsive... I know it's his fault for drinking to excess but in the end he end after calling 111 I was advised to take him to A&E .... he had to stay till morning and be rehydrated... he couldn't even tell them what he'd drank !!!!
Unreasonable it might be , but I was pissed off with the girls mom !!! Some of the kids were 15 !!! Surprisingly enough he now doesn't drink at all !!! Or rarely has one cider .... it will be a first experience of s party with alcohol for a lot of them ...... I think you are mad !!!

Top tip: Cancel it.

My neighbour let her 16 year old have just such a party. It was most unedifying for her to be outside her house at 1.30am, screaming at a hoard of teenagers as they threw things from her bedroom window and pissed up her garage door.

Please, please come back and let us know how it goes.

I had 50 16/17 yo's for a party the week after the end of exams. I didn't provide any booze knowing they would bring it themselves and I second you doing the same. I also appeared now and again and had a couple of friends (middle aged ladies like myself) to drink wine with me and provide backup. I only let them in the hall, kitchen and front room and our huge signs on other doors telling them to keep out. I had specified in advance who was not allowed to come having found out from other parents who had behaved like twats before. i had also said music off at 12 because we live in a flat. It was fine but I think I lucked out because the police at midnight after a noise complaint so I could get rid while remaining the good guy. Good luck!

You don't think anyone owning / managing a hall would be stupid enough to let this event be held there do you?

Not if they've got any sense they won't Years ago I ran a community centre, where teenage parties were allowed. Without exception the parents would insist there would be adults to supervise - "oh yes, we have loads, it's all organised" and without exception they all had excuses afterwards as to why none turned up - not even the parents

It wasn't their place that was being wrecked, you see, so they didn't give a toss ... which is why such parties were banned

Lock the back door and make them knock to enter.....
Chips are good....
Pizza is cheap at ASDA....
Easy too cook and cut up and just pass out to table at back door.
Internet password on window...
If you see drugs chuck the kid out...
If you want all the kids to leave tell them someone called the police.

The trouble is it can all get out of hand so quickly. At the end of the day alcohol can make you very ill and mixed with drugs is a recipe for disaster. Obviously you hope that won't happen and I appreciate the need to give them some freedom. If it had been a smaller group of say 20 friends who brought their own drinks then there is much less chance of things getting out of control. At the end of the day 15 and 16 is so young despite what they may think.

Really make sure that no one can get to younger kids toys. Someone drew swastikas on on girl’s doll at a party I went to, then pinned the doll to a dart board and impaled it with a kitchen knife. It was horrendous. I found it the next morning when I had got up to clean up to save the parents being too horrified.

Spirits have got to be carefully monitored if you possibly can. We were having a lovely time at my 18th until one girl passed out, foaming at the mouth in a puddle of her own vomit at 8:30, having managed to consume 1/2 a bottle of whisky by then. I found out years later that apparently her drinks had been spiked by another girl. It took both my parents and one of the girls parents to take her home: I went to find my parents inside, we called her parents and hauled her into the recovery position while we waited for them. Her dad came to pick her up, but she was so drunk she couldn’t hold herself up in the car, so mum had to go back with them to hold her upright. Dad drove to take mum home again, but the girl was so completely whackerooed that he and her dad had to carry her between them back into her house. We were all left alone while this was going on; every other person was merry but not mad drunk so it was fine, but I can imagine many parties where that might not have been the case.

Can you go around checking bushes etc for vodka? Confiscate all opened bottles of anything? Get a friend’s older kid or one of her friends big brothers or sisters in to wander round keeping an eye, nabbing sneakily stowed drinks from flowerbeds etc?

The university I worked for used to run grad parties for the local schools, but last year after one of the parties ended with the police being called decided that they weren't worth the income. The events were strictly no alcohol, run by hospitality specialists and included professional security but some parents still sneaked alcohol, in several children got drunk and rowdy, and one prom party got really out of hand culminating in a fight when security tried to throw a couple out and had to call police as back up. Damage ran into several thousand dollars (we aren't in the UK). Embarrassingly this was my son's graduating class, although he decided against going to the party so at the meeting discussing the decision to ban prom parties in future I wasn't too mortified. Teenagers often behave badly. If they can get their hands on booze they will drink and some of them won't handle it at all well. 80 drunk teenagers need more supervision than two parents in a different part of the house. I don't think I'd be comfortable about letting my teenagers go to a party like this, and if I was a neighbour I'd be pretty pissed off, still you might be very grateful if a noise complaint leads to the police closing the party down (dd's grad after party was closed at 10.30!)

My brothers 16th. Lots f damage, dog traumatised and 14 year old little sis announced she was turning teetotal after the chaos. That was 10 kids. Don't do it.