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Original poster

materialism, being 'cool' -when does it end??

71 replies

fuckthisnoise · 27/06/2018 21:39

So DS and one other girl are the only dc in Year 6 not to have a mobile.

All the other dc have a mobile, all iPhones, from 5 to X.

He also doesn't have Adidas Mariachis or however you spell them.

He also doesn't play fucking Fortnite.

Reading is not cool. Being clever is not cool.

I hate all this.

Who are these parents buying their 11yo dc Lacoste T-shirts and iPhone Xs?

DS is being mocked and bullied because he doesn't have those things.

Well. Mariachis are fugly and expensive.
Fortnite is addictive.
He prefers playing outside.
He doesn't need a phone as his school is 5 mins from home. He'll get one this summer.

But. When did kids get so materialistic? They're all like sheep, wantng the same things and nobody wanting to break free of the crowd. You've go to have all the right 'stuff' to fit in.

Ds has told me he's not 'cool' and he's fine with that. Well, he's a bloody nice kid and it's better to be nice than cool (which seems to be a synonym for 'mean and bitchy').

Anyone else find this?

OP posts:
ItLooksABitOff · 27/06/2018 21:42

honestly, no. but DC are at a very diverse school so everyone is different and no one gets to decide who is acceptable and who isn't. I'm sorry this is happening to your son.

peachypetite · 27/06/2018 21:43

Good for you for not being a sheep.

cheeseandbiscuitsplease1 · 27/06/2018 21:44

I was at primary school in the 80s and I don't remember it being like this but secondary school in the 90s it definitely was. I didn't have 'cool' things and it felt like an enormous deal at the time. My children are too young at the moment but the way you describe it it definitely seems to be starting younger. How to we teach our children to deal with this?

Thebluedog · 27/06/2018 21:44

My dd is the same, I won’t get her a phone until she starts second school because at the moment she’s either with me or at school. Other parents look at me in disbelief when I tell them

LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/06/2018 21:46

Yes, there is a lot of pressure now, I'm 50 and although I think at that age fitting in is actually really important there is so much stuff to buy now.

When I was young Dunlop Green Flash plimsolls or a 'Simon' game were about the most I aspired to.

It was at around 14 kids started to become individuals, joining tribes (punks, goths etcs)

I think it's normal to follow the herd age 10/11 but very tough on parents.

GreatBigHooandToodleloo · 27/06/2018 21:46

Was like this to a lesser extent back in the mid 1980s. I remember being the only kid who wasn't allowed my little ponies and strawberry shortcakes (smelly plastic toy). It upset me. I lived, still had friends but not the cool gang.

If it doesn't bother your child, good for him.

SmashedMug · 27/06/2018 21:51

It's always been this way (popper adidas trousers, belly button rings etc for us) but it does seem a lot worse nowadays. I think it's the social media narcissism mentality dripping down from adults and older siblings. It's sad.

topcat2014 · 27/06/2018 21:51

@LuxuryWoman2017 - \I wanted a Simon game too!

They brought them back, and I nearly got one

Original poster
fuckthisnoise · 27/06/2018 21:51

He says it doesn't bother him, but... who wants to think they're 'uncool' at 11??

He's also being left out of things - 'because he hasn't got a phone' - which pisses me right off.

Also, we can afford to buy him stuff but we prefer to spend money on days out, books, games, etc. not trainers he will grow out of in 10 mins (and that are more expensive than I would buy for myself!!)

I also remember not being able to afford cool stuff when I was his age. I hated it - BUT it was much smaller-scale than it is now. No phones for a start!

I had thought we were buying him trendy stuff - he's into Nike, adidas, Rascal, hype - but apparently not QUITE trendy enough. It's all so superficial.

Year 6 has been mainly horrible. I hope Year 7 is better.

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckthisnoise · 27/06/2018 21:53

How do we teach our children to deal with this?

That's what I'm trying to do. I talk about being nice, not cool, and it's who you are inside that's important, not the label on the shirt you're wearing, but kids are faced with so many messages on ads and SM and from friends that say the opposite.

ARGH.

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 27/06/2018 21:55

@Topcat2014 my daughter did get one and it's been stuck in the cupboard untouched for years! (I did have a few goes though)

Lethaldrizzle · 27/06/2018 21:55

Yanbu people are lemmings

Shaboohshoobah1 · 27/06/2018 21:59

You sound like an ace mum, and he sounds like an ace kid. Keep doing what you’re doing and he will do fine 👍 I have succumbed to the phone for my year 6 daughter but luckily she only wants clothes from H&M so nothing fancy. I think that if you aren’t materialistic at home, then hopefully this will carry through into your children. While no-one wants a life of crap things, if your child doesn’t grow up thinking having the latest stuff is important, then hopefully this will carry on throughout their life...I hope.

I try to teach my children that DOING stuff is more important than HAVING stuff - I may well lose the battle as they approach their teens but I’m trying my best!

HellenaHandbasket · 27/06/2018 22:03

When I was at school being clever was cool and aspired to, that seems to have changed now. I must admit that being home educated has an unforeseen benefit in this regard, in that my kids seem very unworldly in this respect, and remarkably unphased by that.

Grandmaswagsbag · 27/06/2018 22:03

I hope my dc grow up to be like yours. I still can’t believe kids are allowed phones in schools!! Why oh why do parents buy into this shit. Why does a primary school child need a phone?! I despair.

QueenUnicorn · 27/06/2018 22:04

I think you need to meet down the middle with these things.
We don't buy branded in our house and at the moment our primary age children don't have games consoles/tablets/phones.
However, I was that child at school being made fun out of for not having cool shoes, I was that child left out of a party because I wasn't on MSN messenger.

So while I think it's good to teach children about wasting money on material things I also think that sometimes as a child it's just better to fit in and learn that stuff later.

Grandmaswagsbag · 27/06/2018 22:06

I thought millennials were meant to be less materialistic than previous generations as it’s all about having ‘experiences’ rather than stuff.

ApolloniaC · 27/06/2018 22:06

It's so weird. Perhaps a cultural thing, white/middle class? We recently moved to the US to a very diverse city. The kids are nothing like the kids in the UK! They all wear cheap skateboard/surf stuff here, trainers from outlet stores.

theWarOnPeace · 27/06/2018 22:08

I can’t imagine how bad it will be for my kids as they get bigger, they read and create and play in trees, like something from The Famous Five! People are always really sniffy when I say my kids don’t use tablets or computer consoles. I don’t walk around declaring it, but let’s say eg. At school they ask them to do something that requires one, I have to say that they can’t do it as they don’t have them - FWIW whatever the homework is it’s always totally unnecessary to be done via tablet. Or people will comment that their kid is glued to their tablet all the time so they can’t get a word out of them, and I can’t really agree, so they ask and I have to say they don’t have them. Even mums I’m friendly with are a bit 👀👀👀 . My kids don’t drink anything other than water either.... I’m evil!

walkingtheplank · 27/06/2018 22:16

All but 2 children in my DD's class have a phone. They all come out of the classroom with the phone attached to their ear. Who are they talking too? All their friends are there so it must be a parent. Hardly cool - but apparently entirely necessary.

TheVonTrappFamilySwingers · 27/06/2018 22:16

I am with you OP.

But honestly if parents are buying iPhone X's for their kids they are fucking idiots.

petrolpump28 · 27/06/2018 22:17

stick at it OP. Your son will have the last laugh. His neural pathways are going crazy now ( in a good way)

walkingtheplank · 27/06/2018 22:17

And being clever isn't cool but sadly that's come from the teacher.

LighthouseSouth · 27/06/2018 22:18

yes it is really difficult

about 20 years ago, my then boyfriend was saying that he disapproved of his 10 year old nephew being given a phone. I had no idea about raising children then and now I see the pressure his sister was under to get one.

it is galling because you feel like the first parents to cave are the ones to blame and you think "who are these numpties?"!!!!

A colleague was telling me about some branded headphones her son wanted at xmas, they were £100+ and didn't even have noise cancelling. The problem has been around for ages but the stakes have got higher in terms of expense.

Imstickingwiththisone · 27/06/2018 22:21

I was in secondary school from 2000 onwards and it was the same but to a lesser degree. Most of my friends had mobiles but I wasn't allowed one until I was about 14 and it was very much budget in comparison to my friends'. Also shellsuits worth over £100 were de rigeur and everyone had at least one (v working class area but given as birthday/Christmas present and then worn to death). My folks wouldn't get me one and I didn't even like them but once I knew I wasn't allowed one I yearned for it!!

Ifelt a bit rubbish not having these things and would lie about not having them to save face with friends. I lacked confidence though and it was a silly way to deal with it.

I've already spoken with other mums in DC's class about how ridiculous the pressure is to have phones and everyone seems to have their head screwed on luckily. I'm hoping my DC will be in the majority to go without amongst her peers, so she doesn't have to have that left out feeling.