materialism, being 'cool' -when does it end??

[fuckthisnoise]

So DS and one other girl are the only dc in Year 6 not to have a mobile.

All the other dc have a mobile, all iPhones, from 5 to X.

He also doesn't have Adidas Mariachis or however you spell them.

He also doesn't play fucking Fortnite.

Reading is not cool. Being clever is not cool.

I hate all this.

Who are these parents buying their 11yo dc Lacoste T-shirts and iPhone Xs?

DS is being mocked and bullied because he doesn't have those things.

Well. Mariachis are fugly and expensive.
Fortnite is addictive.
He prefers playing outside.
He doesn't need a phone as his school is 5 mins from home. He'll get one this summer.

But. When did kids get so materialistic? They're all like sheep, wantng the same things and nobody wanting to break free of the crowd. You've go to have all the right 'stuff' to fit in.

Ds has told me he's not 'cool' and he's fine with that. Well, he's a bloody nice kid and it's better to be nice than cool (which seems to be a synonym for 'mean and bitchy').

Anyone else find this?

I'm jealous of your son. It took me much longer to gain that kind of confidence, which ironically will earn him more friends in the long run than an iPhone.

I was a primary school kid in the 70s and we had the equivalent . Obviously not as much variety of "stuff".
There's always kids who allegedly have "stuff".

Good for your DS.

If kids are sheep it's because their parents have taught them to be. Being materialistic and valuing having the latest things above academia and life skills is a norm. It's the parents that buy the stuff, not the kids

Ime it was worse at year 6ish than later on if that helps? At 11 ds really wanted a phone and was very anxious about fitting in.

At very nearly 14 he still doesn't have a phone and has started rocking extreme harem trousers and a man bun (out of school, school is uniform). He has cultivated an excellent attitude of not needing to confirm, and thinking different is interesting.

Tbf I am also very non conformist and I'm aware that could have sent him in a different direction.

And yes, we value academia and creativity very highly as a family, material possessions not.

When I taught year 6 I found the children from the lower social economic groups/less academically successful, were the ones who prized mobile phones and trainers etc.

if you can afford it I think it’s a little bit cruel to purposely not buy your dc the latest stuff, try & remember being 11 & the only one without the latest whatever.
You can have ‘the trainers’ & still be a nice, intelligent, well adjusted child. Why make life hard for your child?

My mother had similar beliefs too. Back in my day it was video games and Barbie dolls. We never had any or had any cool clothes either. I still believe I’m not good enough to have nice things.

It's great that your child reads and goes out but its hardly fair to assume because a child has a phone and fancy trainers they are not clever and sheep like.

I don't assume that.

Grow a pair and start parenting in the 21st Century.
Wow, @walkingdeadfangirl, you win the prize for the rudest and crappest comment. I am parenting, thanks. If you can't say anything helpful, then maybe don't say anything at all.

I know Parents who won't spend over a certain amount on stuff purely on a matter of principle and I've never quite understood it, tbh.

What, you can't understand me not wanting to spend £1000 on a phone for an 11yo?? REally?

If you buy a dc something that expensive now, where do you go from here? What will they expect when they're 15, 18? And it doesn't teach them the value of money.

if you can afford it I think it’s a little bit cruel to purposely not buy your dc the latest stuff, try & remember being 11 & the only one without the latest whatever.
You can have ‘the trainers’ & still be a nice, intelligent, well adjusted child. Why make life hard for your child?

@surferjet - see my comments above. He has Nike, adidas, skate brands, latest scooter, nerf guns etc.

He doesn't actually like the trendy trainers; but he's fed up of dc at school asking him 'How many pairs of Mahirachi do you have? Oh, you don't have any! Ha ha ha!' Same for phones. 'Oh, ring me tonight! What's your number? Oh, you can't! Ha ha ha!'

You're right, @discotits, the clever kids don't seem as obssessed by brands and phones. They're happier to be 'uncool'.

For the record I’m extremely clever and it still bothered me. Being clever doesn’t make you better than other people.

I think in most schools there's groups who are into brands, fashion and 'stuff', and other groups who aren't.

My dcs say the cool kids think of themselves as cool but no one else thinks they are. It's just a club with brands as membership.

Other groups have other identities (sporty, musical, geeky and think it's cool to be uncool.

There's overlap in all the groups.

It sounds like when I was at school in the 80s.

Plus ça change.

I was so worried about all this when DS1 started grammar school. He is now finishing Year 9, and has told me most kids didn't even have a phone the first year. Nearly all do now but definitely not all 'the latest' models.
DS wouldnt know a'cool' pair of trainers if they kicked him up the arse.
So we seem to have avoided it,for now.

I'm with SlyneTylor on this. I didn't have the cool stuff (because we couldn't afford it) and it bothered me a lot.
If I was asked I would have said i didn't need "stuff" and it's good to be different because that's what I knew my parents wanted to hear.
I can't buy clothes for myself now without feeling anxious and out of control. It's seriously taken me years and years to get used to the idea of popping into ASDA ot Primary and picking up a cheap skirt that I need for work. I don't think I could manage to go higher end than that!
My kids have what they need to fit in, within reason.

I don’t think materialism isn’t cool anymore. Millenials are the most conscious consumers we’ve had in years. Personally, my friends and I are mostly vegan or veg for saving the planet reasons, shop sustainably, limit plastic use, try and eek out our tech for as long as possible. Sure, it will take a while to filter down to primary school kids but it feels like the direction of travel at least.

My year 5 won’t be getting a phone until secondary school and even then it will be a basic one. Bill Gates and Steve Jobs raised their kids to be tech-free, I think that says a lot! There is so much evidence around mobile phones/social media increasing rates of depression amongst young teens, it doesn’t to me seem worth the risk.

"spend £1000 on a phone for an 11yo"

I imagine the Lacoste poster was lamenting folk who won't spend > £50 for a phone (my £50 smartphone is pretty crap). Much better quality from £130+. No need to spend £1000.... except see what I posted below about area; sounds like OP lives in a wealthy area.

ime, socialising happens with frequent in person reinforcement, online & airwaves alone don't cut it. Having a phone only over summer will have very little value. Unrealistic to expect to use it to keep in touch, need something before end of term if hoping to establish a 'phone' relationship.

DS2 is finishing yr5, DS1 is finishing yr9, & we have no materialistic experiences to match OP's. I never heard of these Mariachi shoes before. I think OP's problem is there they live, because materialism is not as intense as that around here.

You should have sent him to a private school, at least the materialism and one up manship would have been accompanied by something akin to taste.

Um...do you guys mean Nike Huarache?

As opposed to Nike Mariachi

I think raising kids as Vegans is more pretentious & arsey than buying them a £1000 phone.

DS isn't vegan - who mentioned vegans, @surferjet?

Yes, Huarache. Fugly! Thanks. Think you're missing the point, though...

IME grammar school is better. Less competitiveness about stuff. Maybe kids are better behaved/have better manners in general, and are nicer to each other.

"But. When did kids get so materialistic?"

Always? I'll be 38 next week, so cell phones, game consoles, and computers in every house weren't a "thing" when I was growing up. However kids were just as materialistic then as they are now, just over different things, other then clothes that seems to be a constant.