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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not have emergency childcare

94 replies

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 09:37

Morning

I received a final warning for my absence at work this morning and was told I should have emergency childcare for my child or be a SAHM.

For context I've only had 2.5 days off this year due to DS (he is 1 years old) and I have either used holiday to make it up or worked late. I'm also always in 1 hour early everyday and often stay late too.

My employer has told me it's unacceptable for me to have a day off to care for DS when he is ill (by ill I mean proper sickness bug or an anaphylactic reaction) and I should have emergency childcare in place. AIBU to not have this? I'm not even sure what this would be?

OP posts:

Original poster

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 11:38

disahsterdahling don't be silly, its all verbal! As is everything for me too! We both work for very large companies too. Probably know we wont have the resources to take them on and we can be easily replaced.

BlueBug45 tbh I was just looking for advice on emergency childcare and whether IABU by not having it! Luckily I have a close friend in HR so she is my go to for advice on rights in the work place.

MadeForThis yeah I thought everyone would know what babies and young kids are like by now with illnesses! ah well.

DontMakeMeShushYou Thank you, exactly what I thought.

Thank you everyone.

So I feel general consensus is I've done best I can and haven't been unreasonable to my employer?

OP posts:

Original poster

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 11:40

bellinisurge I'm certainly not taking the piss btw! I've done everything I can by using holiday and making up after hours. I hate having to play catch up in an already stressful job.

OP posts:

bellinisurge · 27/06/2018 11:41

Thing is, op, pisstakers ruin it for everyone. Managers are naturally a bit twitchy if they have just had to deal with it from someone else.
I hope everything works out for you. Document everything.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 27/06/2018 11:44

That's awful, most employers recognise that not everyone had emergency childcare. And even if they did, they are unlikely to want to take your child if they are vomiting etc! For example I don't think it's reasonable to expect elderly parents to look after a puking child.

In any case, you have made time up, your days off aren't excessive and I think the law is on your side. I'd research the legislation and ask for a meeting stating all the extra things you do as well and ask them for their thoughts

goldierocks · 27/06/2018 11:44

Hello OP

My employer allows emergency leave for dependents, i.e. you can be off on 'day 1' of your child's illness to give you time to make other arrangements.

I’m a single parent with no other childcare options, so I have used My Family Care

You set up a profile and explain your child's likes and dislikes, nap times etc. You use an app or call them to book either a nursery place, child-minder or nanny (all qualified and CRB checked). I called at 07.30 one morning and the nanny arrived in just over an hour.

I don't have to pay for the service as it's included in my employee benefits. I don't know if you can pay as an individual or whether it can only be set up by companies. As both you and your husband’s employers are being so harsh, it might be worth suggesting they look into offering this service?

Hope you work something out

Pinkhorses · 27/06/2018 11:46

I’m angry on your behalf too- everyone who is a parent will need time off when kids are sick.
I’m so glad my manager is a woman who has brought up her own family and understands the reality of it so there is no questioning - My DD was sick on my 2nd week. I know people who take their sick kids to work with them and find them a quiet place to sit or lie down. Others use sick days for when their kids are ill and drag themselves to work when ill themselves.

Original poster

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 11:55

goldierocks thank you I shall take a look into this.

OP posts:

blackteasplease · 27/06/2018 12:00

Your employers sound awful and I would also consider raising a greivance. Try to keep some days of leave to spare for these situations.

However your dh's employers are beyond unreasonable and that is sex discrimination

ExConstance · 27/06/2018 12:02

Did you have a formal disciplinary hearing? they can't just give you a formal written warning.

Isleepinahedgefund · 27/06/2018 12:04

It’s all very well saying she should have something in place, but she’s already said this is not possible! Not everyone has grandparents or friends who can help in these situations.

I’m lucky my employer is über flexible about things like this, I do have emergency childcare but TBH I rarely need to use it as I have the flexibility.

I honestly think you need to find a new employer. They’ve told you that your situation doesn’t suit them, and they clearly don’t suit you do, do they. Yes they’re unreasonable and yes they’re wrong but consider this an early warning and get out quick.

When you go to interviews, be sure to ask them what their policy is for things like this. Explain your situation, why it’s been a problem for you in previous employment and what they can do to accommodate it. Make sure it suits you. Realistically, with a small child at least one of you or DH needs the flexibility.

WhateverHappenedToMe · 27/06/2018 12:38

It sounds harsh, but if you're still in your first six months and have had at least a couple of "no notice" absences I can see that they would want to know you have done what you could to address the matter before your probation ends.

Taking it as holiday sound good, but doesn't help the people who have to cover for you without warning; are you part of a small team?

Helspopje · 27/06/2018 12:47

My backup plan is my mum
She lives in Aberdeen and i live in London. Takes her 24h to get here so i/we deal with the first 24h then she is here.
Won't be able to lean on her any more when she starts immunotherapy for rheumatoid though so new plan needed

Kokeshi123 · 27/06/2018 12:51

I live outside the UK, but where I live there are agencies that send "sick childcare" carers. It's pricey, but probably cheaper than using a job! You sign up with them in advance. Can you find something like that in the UK?

Sorry you are in this situation.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 27/06/2018 12:59

doesn't help the people who have to cover for you without warning; are you part of a small team?

But a lot of that is down to management style as I mentioned previously. I manage a small team and it isn't great to have to cover absence at short notice but, if you encourage a culture where everyone feels valued and values everyone else in the team, and there is a culture of flexibility, then everyone is happy to pull together. What encourages people to feel put out at having to cover for a colleague is a feeling that they wouldn't/couldn't get away with the same things. So if one person gets into trouble for needing emergency time off, they are less inclined to look favourably on someone else who needs time off in an emergency. It's about team-building - making your team at work their own support network.
Basically, you get out what you put in.

I'll get off my soapbox now or I could go on forever!

Doremisofarsogood · 27/06/2018 12:59

Both your companies sound shit! Especially if they are large....the HR departments should really know better! My DH was told the same as your DH when we were trying to share days off with a sick DD between us......from 10 months to about 2 years old she was off nursery with a temperature every time she was teething (it seemed like most months she would be off, she was fine but their rule was to send them home when they had a temp and not allow them back for 24 hours). I used to go home as soon as nursery called me as my job was easier to just up and leave, then DH would have the next day off. His boss gave him a disciplinary because of it saying that he should have arrangements in place in an emergency (no local family so no chance of that!) and that I should have more time off than him as I am the mother! Absolutely ridiculous attitude to have and we wrote a strongly worded letter to his HR department which thankfully stopped any further action. On the other hand my employers were great (female boss, had raised 2 kids on her own and understood), I went back to a new role after maternity leave and was off about 3 times in my first couple of months with no repercussions! It is just so disappointing in this day and age that so many employers are still so backward in their attitudes towards childcare. I would recommend giving ACAS a call as they can be so helpful in work-related disputes, we rang them to ask if DH's employers were out of order and they confirmed that they were. Hopefully both your work situations will improve, or you find better jobs with understanding employers!

WhateverHappenedToMe · 27/06/2018 13:08

What encourages people to feel put out at having to cover for a colleague is a feeling that they wouldn't/couldn't get away with the same things.

Agreed. My comments may be slightly affected by one of my colleagues only working 5.5 days in one month because of "childcare issues"; yes, she took annual leave, and when that ran out she took unpaid leave - and I did half her work, for which I got nothing other than a telling off for not finishing a project on time.

Racecardriver · 27/06/2018 13:08

I think it depends on the type of work you do. If it is high responsibility/well paid you really should have a nanny/au pair/your spouse should be SAHP. It would be unreasonable for you not to have someone on hand if you can afford it and missing out on work would mean missing client meetings or something else non flexible like that. On the other hand if your job is low responsibility then your employer is unreasonable for not letting you stay at home seeing as you are making up the time later. Or if you are low paid then that is what your employer gets for paying so little. If employers want dedication they have to pay for it.

glintandglide · 27/06/2018 13:21

What rubbish. People with great jobs can be parents too. Yes, international travel might be out. You probably cant both be hedge fund managers or surgeons without that support. But you can both have good, senior jobs with flexibility. I am office based, don’t travel, I’m senior and earn a good salary. There is no reason why i can’t have and give as much flexibility as someone more junior

Fickleflock · 27/06/2018 15:15

If your child has a sickness bug they need to be with their sole carer i.e you, as the parent for 48 hours. School/nursery/childminder policy state that child needs to be excluded for this amount of time to limit contagion. Emergency childcare is not a valid option in this instance for same reason.
Emergency childcare for a child who has suffered an anaphylactic reaction?! Seriously! They should be with their parent/sole carer and no one else!
I am so angry on your behalf that HR would have said this and I’m sure this can’t be legal to say what they said.

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