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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have emergency childcare

94 replies

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 09:37

Morning

I received a final warning for my absence at work this morning and was told I should have emergency childcare for my child or be a SAHM.

For context I've only had 2.5 days off this year due to DS (he is 1 years old) and I have either used holiday to make it up or worked late. I'm also always in 1 hour early everyday and often stay late too.

My employer has told me it's unacceptable for me to have a day off to care for DS when he is ill (by ill I mean proper sickness bug or an anaphylactic reaction) and I should have emergency childcare in place. AIBU to not have this? I'm not even sure what this would be?

OP posts:
brownpaperbox · 27/06/2018 10:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Annabel7 · 27/06/2018 10:28

So angry I used wrong apostrophes. Just thought I'd flag it up before someone else does...

Tinkety · 27/06/2018 10:30

OP, is there anything else going on that you can think of? Your DH has also been given a final warning so it’s really odd that two separate companies (& two separate HR departments) have independently taken the same action over this. Have there been other times when you’ve perhaps had to go in late or leave early because of childcare?

What did they say to you in your first warning & how long had you been off before receiving it? You also say you’ve had one sickness yourself, was that one period of sickness or one day off?

Just trying to think of reasons why they’re being so harsh Flowers

ingenvillvetavardukoptdintroja · 27/06/2018 10:31

I looked into emergency childcare - I had to take six days off work the first year my child was in nursery!
I'm not on a high salary and the emergency agency I found worked out at £200 a day - twice my earnings! Now my child is older he hasn't been sick for the whole year but until they build their immunity, they tend to be off a lot.
If you can afford it, check out emergency childcare online, they have trained nannies available at short notice and accept sick children. Just not an option for me!

HopefullyAnonymous · 27/06/2018 10:31

Three periods of absence in six months would flag up on the system for any employer I’ve ever worked for so I don’t necessarily agree they are BU on that front.

ladymarian · 27/06/2018 10:31

That's ridiculous OP! I'm angry on your behalf. It sounds as if you've done your best to minimise the impact on your work by working unpaid hours to catch up on your work and sharing the time off to care for your ill child with your DP.
What is this mythical emergency childcare I often hear about on MN?! No nursery or childminder will take a child with norovirus or D&V or anything else contagious as far as I know and if you don't have non working friends or relatives what are you supposed to do???

ladymarian · 27/06/2018 10:31

Also if you're in a union speak to them ASAP

glintandglide · 27/06/2018 10:32

The absence shouldn’t flag at all as OP as taken it as annual leave or made up the hours (with permission presumably)

KatherinaMinola · 27/06/2018 10:34

It's reasonable for them to say you should have emergency childcare in place. It's totally unacceptable for them to add "or be a SAHM".

The comment to your DH from his employer was also unacceptable.

In the scheme of things, 2.5 days in six months, or 5 days a year, doesn't sound like a lot to me if you have a baby and are taking some of the time as annual leave, so leave you would be taking anyway.

buffysummers4 · 27/06/2018 10:41

I would love to have emergency childcare but really don't see what options I have in this situation - family are all too far away to help at short notice. There are 'mum friends' who would walk my child to school, maybe watch an ill sibling in car while I walk the other one into school or similar but I can't ask them to look after a child with a vomiting bug for an entire day (or at all to be honest)!
I have had to have days off here and there for chickenpox, vomiting bugs plus a couple of hospital appointments (hospital is a long way from work so takes all day even for a short appointment). Oh and I also got the flu just after returning to work! It was all unpaid but haven't had any hassle about it.

BedtimeTea · 27/06/2018 10:44

Yes, you do need a back up plan...can be difficult if no relatives around who can do it. I hope you can work something out.

Cornettoninja · 27/06/2018 10:46

I don’t think they can count the a/l if they agreed to it so I would discount that.

Two days consecutive sickness is not excessive. I’ve worked plenty of places that use scoring systems and that wouldn’t trigger anything more than a return to work form filling exercise.

One and a half days dependents leave is also reasonable. That’s why it was introduced; in recognition of the fact people have responsibilities outside of employment that require their attendance.

Your HR is awful. I don’t think they can lump together any time your at work altogether and start issuing warnings.

You could seek legal advice or (this is what I would do) start seriously looking for something else. You can get into big drawn out debates that can be costly if you start needing professional advice, or you can take it as this is how the company operates and that they are happy to bully against all guidelines and legislation because they know it’s costly for an employee to ensure their rights are respected. Plus you’ve been there under two years so they can terminate your contract without reason if they’re minded to do so.

Cornettoninja · 27/06/2018 10:52

Also - final warning? So you’ve received at least two others?

Check out your contract re warnings. They do have to follow their own procedures.

Again though, they sound like charlatans who will tie you up in knots and bin you off anyway if you start standing up for yourself and quoting employment laws at them.

I know it sounds defeatist but some companies just aren’t worth the stress.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 27/06/2018 10:53

@brownpaperbox

4.5 days off in six months is way too much. That would trigger absence policies where I work and I'm not surprised they're fed up if it's a small business.

Don't be ridiculous. As the OP has stated, 2.5 of these days were taken as legitimate leave (annual leave and dependent leave). If 2 consecutive days of sickness in 6 months is enough to trigger absence policies where you work, that's nothing to be proud of.

Instead of trying to normalise this and encourage a race to the bottom for employee conditions, perhaps you'd like to consider that where you work is also a shit employer. There are no brownie points for having crap working conditions.

MadeForThis · 27/06/2018 10:56

When I returned to work I was off once per month with dd for the first 4/5 months. She was new at Nursery and caught lots of vomiting bugs. Luckily my work were amazing and totally understood. Wasn't off again for an entire year. We were just very unlucky for the first few months.

Kids get sick. Childcare won't take them and rightfully so.

If you have taken as holiday and make up the time unpaid I think your work is being very unreasonable.

I would ask for a copy of their dependants leave policy. We are allowed immediate time off but expected to arrange longer term care, ie, not take a whole week off ourselves. But it seems this is what you did by sharing time off with DH.

I would also consider changing employer.

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 27/06/2018 10:57

Next time lo is ill, take him into the office with you and say this is your emergency childcare 😉

Lonecatwithkitten · 27/06/2018 11:02

There are emergency childcare agencies that will provide nannies for ill children, you have to be honest with them and they are not cheap. However, when you are a self-employed single parent running a business that legally has to offer a 24/7 service you can sometimes have no choice.
The local emergency nanny who would get was quite frankly brilliant Mary Poppins/Mary Berry rolled into one. She would cook me a meal too as she said it is quite clear your are run to a frazzle and looking after someone who is snuggled on the sofa under a duvet doesn't take much effort.

glintandglide · 27/06/2018 11:12

As someone who works for a company that offers a fair amount of flexibility and offers if myself as a manager I think it’s such a shame these crap companies are missing out on good staff because they can’t offer flexibility.

drspouse · 27/06/2018 11:14

My DD is at a CM and a nursery. CM will take her 24h after a bug if she isn't still sick and CM has no other children in (I think based on NHS guidelines) but with nursery it's 48h.
So you may find some CM are more flexible but obviously then you have the issue of what if the CM is sick.

BlueBug45 · 27/06/2018 11:23

OP worth posting this in "work" under "Employment Issues" to get better advice. Generally if you want to point out your rights at work it is a good idea to do it in writing (keeping a copy) that way if it escalates you have proof that you did so.

Bagadverts · 27/06/2018 11:25

As you work for a large organisation have a look at any policies regarding families and parental leave. Are they following their own policies?

disahsterdahling · 27/06/2018 11:33

His employer has treated him the same and even told him that mothers are the primary carers not fathers so it isn't acceptable for him to be taking time off!!!!!

There are no words. Does he have this in writing? Sex discrimination right there!

DontMakeMeShushYou · 27/06/2018 11:34

As someone who works for a company that offers a fair amount of flexibility and offers if myself as a manager I think it’s such a shame these crap companies are missing out on good staff because they can’t offer flexibility.

This, absolutely!

I'm very happy to be flexible when my staff need time off and they are equally prepared to be flexible if I need time off. I recognise that family should and does come first for people. You get the best out of people when they feel valued; threatening to dismiss someone because they needed to look after a sick dependent will not make them feel valued.

MyKingdomForBrie · 27/06/2018 11:35

Make sure you get them to put what they're saying in writing and then respond in writing pointing out exactly what you've said here.

This is absolutely disgraceful given everything you're doing to mitigate impact on the business. DH should do the same.

bellinisurge · 27/06/2018 11:37

As a former manager who also had to juggle childcare and elder care, what annoys me is when people take the piss. Yes, some people actually do that. I always assumed they didn't and cut them slack but not at the expense of colleagues who weren't carers. However, on the very very rare occasion someone was clearly taking the piss - come across it twice in my long working life - I would put them down the disciplinary route and see if they still tried it on.