Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not have emergency childcare

94 replies

TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 09:37

Morning

I received a final warning for my absence at work this morning and was told I should have emergency childcare for my child or be a SAHM.

For context I've only had 2.5 days off this year due to DS (he is 1 years old) and I have either used holiday to make it up or worked late. I'm also always in 1 hour early everyday and often stay late too.

My employer has told me it's unacceptable for me to have a day off to care for DS when he is ill (by ill I mean proper sickness bug or an anaphylactic reaction) and I should have emergency childcare in place. AIBU to not have this? I'm not even sure what this would be?

OP posts:
halcyondays · 27/06/2018 10:11

Most young kids are going to be off sick sometimes, it's pretty normal. Plenty of them would have been ill more days than that, without having any particular health issues.

Gottokondo · 27/06/2018 10:12

Next time call in sick with noro for yourself. What a pity that you catch everything these days, comes with having children in childcare I believe. The little buggers pick up everything.

glintandglide · 27/06/2018 10:14

I think your employer wants you out. That’s not a normal reaction. Can you speak to Hr- maybe you just have a manager who is a sexist pig. Other than that I’d be looking for another job too

crunchymint · 27/06/2018 10:14

Do you have a nanny agency in your area that will provide one off care?
And be aware that an employer like this is not going to look kindly on sick leave for employees either.

BakedBeans47 · 27/06/2018 10:15

Next time call in sick with noro for yourself. What a pity that you catch everything these days, comes with having children in childcare I believe. The little buggers pick up everything.

The problem with that is that they could warn/dismiss her due to her own attendance levels

crunchymint · 27/06/2018 10:15

And I am wondering if you work in a small law firm.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 10:15

Bigpizzalover all my family work so I cant be expecting them to attempt to get time off suddenly for my DS, would be surprised if their employers let them too as DS isn't their dependent. Luckily not on probation, that ended a while back.

sarcasmisnotthelowestformofwit yes they are aware, I made a point of ensuring they knew my workload was done too. Hope your recovery is swift btw!

BakedBeans47 there isn't any reason he should be suffering long term health issues, touch wood! Any ideas for a contingency plan?

MrsBlondie yeah I have shared with DH, he took a few days off too whilst DS had the sickness bug. His employer has treated him the same and even told him that mothers are the primary carers not fathers so it isn't acceptable for him to be taking time off!!!!!

IIIustriousIyIIlogical probation finished a few months back, had a letter and meeting about it ending. Agree about it working both ways but I do need to ensure my workload is done, we are really overstretched.

kitkatsky also the grandparents work so they cant have time off as it isn't their dependent? thank you

IIIustriousIyIIlogical any suggestions for one? I do agree, need this for future employer

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 27/06/2018 10:16

Even if you have family nearby or "build a village" most people also work so no I don't get where this emergency childcare comes from.

IIIustriousIyIIlogical · 27/06/2018 10:17

probation finished a few months back

But you don't get full employment rights for 2 years if I remember correctly - so they can take the opportunity to be harsher with you than a more established employee....

HopefullyAnonymous · 27/06/2018 10:18

How many days in total, including the time you were ill? Was it just one instance?

Original poster
TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 10:19

crunchymint nope I work for a very large housebuilder

Gottokondo maybe I'll actually just come in next time we are all ill and give everyone the bloomin sickness bug! ey?

glintandglide This came from HR....

crunchymint but childminders and nurseries wont take sick children, surely nannys would be the same?

OP posts:
Original poster
TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 10:19

IIIustriousIyIIlogical yes you are correct on that one

OP posts:
Littletabbyocelot · 27/06/2018 10:20

I would check that comment made to your husband with CAB/a lawyer. Sounds like discrimination to me.

I would in general get legal advice.

I don't have emergency childcare. We're very lucky that we both work in jobs with flexibility.

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 10:23

I have no idea if this is right but in your position I would get some advice from the cab. I would also want to have a meeting with hr and put it in writing that you took unpaid leave AND made up the hours on overtime. This treatment sounds very unfair when you actually made up the time off your own bat and this should be recognised even if the company refuses to change their position.

OddestSock · 27/06/2018 10:23

this doesn't sound right. i had quite a bit of time off when i went back to work after having my oldest, as she had a run of illnesses as soon as she went into childcare. some of it i paid back, some of it i didn't. no-one said anything about it, except for asking how my daughter was feeling when i was back in work.

muffinthepuffin · 27/06/2018 10:23

Sounds shitty, OP.
I've taken annual leave for mine too as not sure we have a policy for paying emergency leave at my company! My husband is a teacher so it tends to fall on me, and toddlers are such germ machines.
Sounds like they're being discriminatory to me, especially as you've made the time up without being paid for it.

EscapistTendencies · 27/06/2018 10:23

Well I do have emergency childcare in the form of retired gp's, still wouldn't send a highly infectious child to them though. I also used to go into work early every day until ds caught noro last year and I took a day off . I was an hour short of a days holiday and my manager deducted the remaining hour from my pay despite knowing I had been doing unpaid overtime daily for years. The result is I no longer go in early or stay late, I suggest you do the same and yes next time just say you're sick.

Annabel7 · 27/06/2018 10:24

I am seething that your husband's employer said that he should not be taking time off as mother's are the primary carers. Fucking dinosaurs. It is exactly this kind of assumption that stops father's taking equal responsibility for their kids and stuffs women's careers. How fucking dare they. I assume his employers therefore have no issue with their female staff taking time off to look after sick kids then?

DontMakeMeShushYou · 27/06/2018 10:25

There is no such thing as emergency childcare to cover you if your child is ill, particularly if they have something contagious such as D&V. The best you can hope for is family or friends who don't mind taking the risk that they will also be ill.

I would suggest you and your DH contact Citizen's Advice or, preferably, join the relevant unions right now, before either of you are dismissed. You say you are both on final warnings - have you had previous warnings about this issue then? How long has your DH been with his employer?

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/06/2018 10:25

What is happening to you is the reason why children are sent to childcare and school when ill and put immunosuppressed and chronically ill children at risk.

I’m getting pretty angry for you tbh.

Original poster
TwittleBee · 27/06/2018 10:25

HopefullyAnonymous They were 3 separate occasions, DH and I thought it be better to alternate days looking after DS rather than one of us doing a whole sickness period etc. So 1st time was sickness bug, the half day was an anaphylactic reaction at nursery, then 2nd full day was another bout of sickness which was the one I then also caught. In total over past 6 months I have had 4.5 days off but I have used 1.5 days holiday, 1 day dependent leave and 2 days self-certificated sickness

OP posts:
Annabel7 · 27/06/2018 10:26

PS There is certainly an agency in London that provides emergency care for sick children. A senior member of staff at my old company used to use this. Cost her (and her husband) a fortune. Not sure that's feasible for most...

elephantscanring · 27/06/2018 10:27

God, this is shocking. Most 'emergency childcare' would not accept a dc with a sickness bug - and why should they?? The comment made by HR to your husband sounds discriminatory and awful. Why should a woman take more parental leave to look after sick dc than a man??

Both your companies sound terrible. I'd cut down any over time right away. Is your boss sympathetic? Was it HR or your boss who gave you the final warning? (And when were previous warnings?)

Could you talk to them? Tell them your sickness record, say you come in early every day and give them xxx free hours of your time each week, your work is always done and done well, that you can't help when your dc is ill and you're upset by HR's comments?

Are you in a union?

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 27/06/2018 10:27

I would raise a grievance and speak to acas. You're being treated unfairly. Have you been given formal warnings each time you've taken time off for dependents?
Yes, in an ideal world we'd all have family back up but lots of us don't it's not unusual at all and if your emergency childcare was a paid provider they wouldn't be able to take them when they're sick anyway.

elephantscanring · 27/06/2018 10:28

It is exactly this kind of assumption that stops father's taking equal responsibility for their kids and stuffs women's careers. How fucking dare they. I assume his employers therefore have no issue with their female staff taking time off to look after sick kids then?

YY to this ^^