Another childcare option

[AllCleverAndThat]

My dd is 14 and we live in a university town.

How does this sound:
We ask a student (probably postgrad for maturity) to stay at our house so dd isn’t alone when we go out a couple of times a week. Cereal plus dinner included but no visitors and no using the living room. No rent.

Just thinking of ideas. Is this U?

To be fair, she’s not going to have much company if student is not allowed in the sitting room. Get a lodger or don’t, but that sounds bizarre.

Your 14 year old could go and babysit, you know a baby, while you go out!

What is with all your threads about keeping a 14 year old.occupied?!!

Like other posters, at 14 I was babysitting until gone midnight. A mature student will have their own life; friends, places to go, possibly a job. No one will want to live in a room to make sure a 14 year old is ok. What about other bills, food, leaving to visit family over holidays?

What if she wanted toast? Gasp

Aside from the fact she is 14 and can stay by herself - I too was also babysitting for other people's children when I was 14. It sounds like a safeguarding nightmare how would you vet this person you are inviting to live with you and care for your child ??

At 14 my son was keeping an eye on his younger siblings on my rare nights out. I just didn’t go too far or get too drunk and he knew he could phone me at any point and I would be home in 10 minutes x

?

I think you'd be hard pushed to find someone who could hack that long-term: in particular no use of living room and no visitors. So they have a room and no access to shared communal area, plus no visitors. I think that is being unreasonable; if you insist on this, I think you would have to allow them access to some room other than their own room to spend evenings in or it would be a very lonely existence.

I think you need to take a deep breath and just go out once every couple of weeks. Tell your DD to call you with any problems and don't go far to start. Most kids age 14 are left alone for a few hours.

Does your DD have additional needs OP? Just wondering why she can't stay on her own?

Ok fine. I ABU.

The thing is, if we come back after midnight for example, I think that’s too late to leave her home alone.

We lived with extended family and I had never been alone until I left home at 18. It feels really bad to leave her alone.

I am trying to think of a nice way to say that proposal is just bizarre

Yeah OP it’s weird sorry.
At 14 I was babysitting the neighbours kids, I’d be mortified if my parents thought I needed a babysitter.
As PP have said, could your DD not ask a friend or 2 over for the night? Surely she’d prefer that to having a mature student who’d she’d probably have nothing in common with and so would most likely stay in her room alone all evening anyway, so defeating your objective anyway.

Cant you go out one night and have her friend over or ask another parent for a sleepover and you can return the favour

Just start having the odd evening out arriving back at 9 or 10pm.

Work up to midnight over the next sixth months when you all know you’re fine with it.

Eh? Of course you shouldn't do this. Go out and give your daughter phone numbers to use in case of emergency.

14 year old? Your being silly. What do you do if you get a lodger and they aren't going to be in the night you need child care?

And YABU about the living room. At worst say you want it free when your using it. What harm in them using it when your out?

Get a baby sitter if your that precious.

If you really want to get good use of a free room in the house, but don't want any hassle with paid lodgers, your best bet is not a student, but a middle-aged Eastern European lady working a couple of part time jobs to support a family back home.
I swap a room in my house for help with cleaning, and we both are very happy with the arrangement.

What wheezing said go out for dinner or something work up to later. If you want to take a student in charge rent how many nights are you planning on going out that would justify a live in babysitter that you need to feed give electric hotwater too for free.

I don’t get it, you’d rather have a complete stranger come and live in your house than leave your teenaged daughter alone for a few hours?! That seems very bizarre to me.

Just let her invite a friend over and come home at a reasonable time, she'd be mortified at you arranging this type of babysitter.

Just get home before midnight then. It doesn’t have to be such an all or nothing extreme. The suggestion of starting with a quick dinner/home relatively early and working up to later night’s out is very good if you’re worried.

Back when I was at university this would have been highly appealing for me.

That said, I was left alone at home before I was 14 with younger siblings to look after, why not charge for the room (lower rate plus some child care if you wish) and let your kid grow up a bit.

I’ve also got to say, she’s probably more at risk being in your house with a stranger than she would be home alone.

You’re projecting your own issues onto your daughter.

I nannied as a postgrad, and did look after a 13yr old for a while but it was mainly lifts two and from school. I was paid petrol and about £60pw as well as accommodation.