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Original poster

To be p****d of my mother is showing people my wedding dress

80 replies

Popsicle434544 · 26/06/2018 17:23

Went dress shopping saturday, found THE dress, my mum was one of the people that came with me, I said no pics.
Today my sil whats capped me say she loves my dress and how shes suprised that style suits me Hmm
Say my mother sent them a pic.

Called mother, she says cheekily she had sneaked a couple of pics and not to worry, she has only showed my dad Angry and my bro and sil.
Oh and Marge down the pub Hmm

I'm fuming

OP posts:
ferrier · 28/06/2018 06:41

its not the dress as all big frilly frocks look the same

Hmm What rubbish!
One of the defining moments of the day, the bride appearing at the church/whatever door has just had its impact lessened.

shakingmyhead1 · 28/06/2018 08:17

you can still get the dress but tell her since she has shown people you have cancelled the dress and are getting a new one and she cant come see it until the day... might make her rethink her choices

bellinisurge · 28/06/2018 08:18

So funny that many posters assume the op is a bridezilla with a meringue dress or whatever.

ChuffingNorah · 28/06/2018 11:43

Your mum got over excited. She shouldn't have done that, but it's not crime of the century. Forgive her and enjoy your wedding.

Gilly12345 · 28/06/2018 16:34

You have every right to be really pissed off with your mum, I would shop for a different dress and not take her shopping again, I would have words with her that she had no business taking photos if you and definitely should not of shared these photos, just remember this in the future as your mum is probably a lovely person but also is not at all discreet.

sexnotgender · 28/06/2018 16:37

I’d be really pissed off.

pigsDOfly · 28/06/2018 16:39

Big frilly frocks? My DD got married last year, her dress was neither big nor frilly.

And although she was not a bridezilla, as I suspect the OP isn't either, would have been massively upset and angry with me if I'd shown anyone pictures of her dress beforehand. And I was paying for it.

I suspect a great many people on here saying it's not something to get upset about would have been incandescent if their DM had done the same.

Most brides want to feel special on their wedding day and walking into the venue in a dress that no one except a very few people have seen before is part of that specialness.

Harrykanesrightsock · 28/06/2018 16:40

I would tell her she has just lost the privilege to be involved with any other wedding planning.

ChuffingNorah · 28/06/2018 19:35

PigsDO . Incandescent? Definitely not. A bit pissed off maybe. I'd save incandescent for the really important stuff.

winniestone37 · 28/06/2018 20:21

No one else can decide what's right and wrong for you. If it's upset you tell your Mum in an nonconfrontatiinal way you would rather she hadn't done that - simple.

winniestone37 · 28/06/2018 20:22

oh grow up drama queen.

winniestone37 · 28/06/2018 20:23

Exactly exactly exactly. Thabk you for breathing sense into this thread.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 28/06/2018 20:39

Your mum got over excited.

Well maybe. Or maybe she just couldn't help making this all about her. We don't know.

But it mattered to the OP and her mother ignored the request for no photos. She calls it being 'cheeky'. I call it selfish.

theveryhighlife · 28/06/2018 20:44

I really wouldn't worry about it

WhiteWalkerWife · 28/06/2018 20:44

Depends on what your mum is normally like. If she is normally self absorbed and narcissistic then this is probably just the last in the long line of crap. If she is relatively nice and normal, then i would tell her you are disapointed that she ignored your wishes to photo you and to show it around as well has upset you.

newsparklythings · 28/06/2018 21:03

whitewalker you beat me to it. OP yesit totally depends on your DM. is the doting and genuine? If it was my DM I would know full well she was doing it purely for attention, to make it all about herself under the guise of I'm so excited about my daughter. It would be me, me, me. Would tell anyone and everyone she knows and lots she doesn't (no kidding at all) for this purpose.

If I ever get married it will be without family except my daughter so I can actually have a day that is mine, about me and not about my DM's fake drama Wine

How attached to the dress are you? - you say THE one which sounds pretty final..

Echobelly · 28/06/2018 21:10

I'd be pissed off, but I wouldn't change the dress as that's an awful lot of trouble to go to for what is essentially a small but irritating indiscretion which means a couple of people know what the dress looks like.

Arum51 · 28/06/2018 21:31

I feel you. My mum is lovely. She's kind, support, wildly enthusiastic about everything anyone in the family does, but God, the woman doesn't have a discrete bone in her body. It does make things difficult, because you have to pick and choose the things you tell her, or involve her in, because she can't keep anything private. Then she gets all hurt "Why didn't you tell me..?" Well mum, it's because I didn't want everyone in the queue at the Post Office knowing about it. She, of course, cannot accept this. "OMG, how could you think I'd ever have told anyone about that!" Half a century of experience, mum.

I can absolutely guarantee that, had there been camera phones when I was picking my wedding dress, my mum would have done the same as your mum. And I, too, would have been absolutely bloody furious. But it's done now. At least you have clear evidence that no, she just can't help herself, and you're going to have to keep things from her. She won't like it, and she'll be upset, but if there are things you really want kept quiet, don't tell your mum. Sorry.

PlanetPiffle · 28/06/2018 21:42

If my mum did this I would have been livid. I would definitely be looking for another dress. HOWEVER I would probably still invite her to come to choose it with me because it’s the sort of thing she’d never forgive you for if you completely shut her out of it. I would make her give me her phone and I would ask the shop assistant to put it and my phone out of reach until after the fitting. I would also make it very clear that she had completely breached my trust and if she discussed this (new) dress with the family then that would be the end of her involvement in the wedding until the day itself.

It’s all very well in theory of course! Let us know what you do decide to do OP. Good luck with the wedding Flowers

Banana8080 · 29/06/2018 07:09

OMG ID BE FURIOUS!!!!!!

MrsPicklesonSmythe · 29/06/2018 07:30

Really wouldn't have bothered me.
Won't bother me for my second wedding either 😂.
In the nicest possible way OP, you massively overestimate people's interest in your wedding. Apart from your mum, I bet none of those people could recall that dress with any clarity. It'll look totally different with hair and makeup etc done anyway.
Your mum is just excited and happy for you.

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 29/06/2018 07:37

Sad and very disrespectful to go against your wishes. It's not just a dress, it's your wedding dress, they are special. It doesn't make you a bridezilla, and it doesn't mean your marriage will fail.

There are bitter posters on this forum with no sympathy for people's happy day and who are delighted to try to spread their misery onto others.

Change the dress, or pretend to change the dress. Your mum seems to be happy and proud, in the wrong way, but at least she cares. She is still disrespectful!

icelollycraving · 29/06/2018 07:44

I would have been bloody furious.
When my mum came to a fitting for my dress, she took a photo on her phone. She wasn’t coming to the wedding and we ended up with her being entirely flat about my dress. I expected her to get a little emotional, she wasn’t coming to the wedding overseas due to ill health. She is my best friend truly but that day I felt really deflated about the expected mother/daughter dynamic.
The posts saying most dresses look so similar are kind of right. Taking photos and sharing them when you’ve asked her not to is crap.

darceybussell · 29/06/2018 07:48

Hmm I'm with the PP who said they'd struggle to get worked up about this. It really doesn't matter that a couple of people have seen it, they won't remember that much about it anyway (with the best will in the world, they are all quite similar) and regardless they will all think you look beautiful when they see you on the day.

The only person I attempted to hide my wedding dress from was my DH, and I would put money on him not being able to pick it out of a line up now!

ikeepaforkinmypurse · 29/06/2018 08:01

it doesn't matter if posters don't care about their own wedding dress. The fact that the OP's mother cannot respect her wishes about something is not pleasant and it's disrespectful.