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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be p****d of my mother is showing people my wedding dress

80 replies

Popsicle434544 · 26/06/2018 17:23

Went dress shopping saturday, found THE dress, my mum was one of the people that came with me, I said no pics.
Today my sil whats capped me say she loves my dress and how shes suprised that style suits me Hmm
Say my mother sent them a pic.

Called mother, she says cheekily she had sneaked a couple of pics and not to worry, she has only showed my dad Angry and my bro and sil.
Oh and Marge down the pub Hmm

I'm fuming

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 26/06/2018 18:17

It's not Bridezilla to be pissed off. I'd also change the dress and tell her just before.

pigsDOfly · 26/06/2018 18:18

Christ Gatecrasher What charm school did you go to?

Starlighter · 26/06/2018 18:23

Who does that?! Shock sorry OP.

Get her to delete the pics immediately then tell her your changing the dress, even if u don’t.

Or send her a pic of some frilly multicoloured monstrosity and tell her you’re wearing that instead. Grin

Twinkie1 · 26/06/2018 18:25

I'd really not care. It's a bloody dress. The only important bit about the day is you and your partner pledging yourselves to each other.

I'm not cool, just over people getting worked up about dresses, invitations, flowers etc when they really aren't what a wedding is about.

GetYourRocksOff · 26/06/2018 18:27

I can't get worked up over this one.

BadPolicy · 26/06/2018 18:27

YANBU, I would be really furious.

I think I was pretty chilled as a bride, I wasn't fussed about a lot of things, but choosing a dress was special.

bellinisurge · 26/06/2018 18:28

I had a very low key wedding. I don't do all the bling and bits. I'd have been well pissed off if this one surprise was sabotaged by my mum.

TheIcon · 26/06/2018 18:31

Tell her you're pleased she'd got a picture as her selfishness has now ensured it's the only time she will see you in the dress.

Inertia · 26/06/2018 18:32

I’d also ask for her phone to delete the photos.

I would also avoid ever sharing any non-public information with her ever again.

Gatecrasher61 · 26/06/2018 18:41

Have you thought why she is doing this?

It is probably because she is proud of her daughter and you want to get all precious about it. Let her have her moment too. I expect she is helping with the finances. It is not really YOUR wedding unless you are paying for it all.

ThinkingCat · 26/06/2018 19:10

Go to another shop, try on several dresses. Have your photo taken in all of them. Send them to your mother and say I've changed my mind, I'm getting dress number 3, although still considering dress number 4. (But secretly of course you are still going to wear dress number 1. )

bellinisurge · 26/06/2018 19:12

@Gatecrasher61 I paid for my own wedding. People do, you know.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 26/06/2018 19:14

That's not on OP. I'd be cross too.
Is changing it an option? And obviously not telling your mum!

Falaffels · 26/06/2018 19:17

I'd be furious. And it doesn't really matter that some people wouldn't care - you care and you've told her that.

It's the sort of thing my DM would do, but she would truly not understand why I was cross. So it's not her being mean as such, just unthinking.

Takfujuimoto · 26/06/2018 19:22

Its the fact that you asked her explicitly not to take pics and she did anyway, then she brazenly showed other people, not even ashamed enough to swear them to secrecy which goes to show her lack of respect to you.

I wouldn't be telling her any thing before someone else again, you can't trust her to keep her word so if it were me she would drop a good way down the pecking line when good news gets shared.

ToastyFingers · 26/06/2018 20:04

I'd be SO annoyed. Infact, I'd change my dress out of spite.

Stephisaur · 26/06/2018 20:12

My mum did this and I was fuming.

BUT

They’ve only seen the dress. Not the ‘look.’ It’s completely different with your hair and makeup done, your bouquet and a veil.

People will still think you look amazing and many will still have the surprise of what you’re wearing :)

Curtainshopping · 26/06/2018 20:58

*I'd really not care. It's a bloody dress. The only important bit about the day is you and your partner pledging yourselves to each other.

I'm not cool, just over people getting worked up about dresses, invitations, flowers etc when they really aren't what a wedding is about.*

This. Try not to lose focus on what’s important - your marriage, your relationship with your mum.

Only you care about your dress being a ‘surprise’, no one else is really invested in that.

specialsubject · 26/06/2018 21:01

its not the dress as all big frilly frocks look the same - but the breach of trust. dont trust her again.

ToadsforJustice · 26/06/2018 21:07

Change the dress even if you just alter the original one slightly so it seems new. Your DM has shown she is not to be trusted. Don't share anything again. She is making it all about her by stealing your thunder. I suspect it's not the first time.

IamalsoSpartacus · 26/06/2018 21:13

Before the inevitable post from someone who has lost their mother and wants to tell you you should be grateful you still have one gets made....I lost my mum before my wedding and I'd have been bloody furious if she had done this. It's the total disregard of your wishes. You're not a little girl any more, you are allowed to ask/tell her what you do and don't find acceptable.

Balibabe1 · 26/06/2018 21:17

She was very wrong to do that. However, to shine some light of positivity your way. My gorgeous daughter got married last week, I have been involved with the dress from beginning to end, and I can honestly say, NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING looked the same as the first time she tried the dress on. With the alterations and additions placed (sparkly belt) her hair and make up, I couldn’t have thought it possible. I was overcome with emotion at the sight of her and completely broke down witnessing her father seeing her for the first time (all those dress fittings had given me some prep to how amazing she looked!).
If you have any concern, just limit your dress fittings to you and your bridesmaids. And I’m not suggesting g you are In any way a bridezilla but remember no one is really as invested N your dress as you are.
Please do t let your over enthusiastic mother ruin such a special time for you. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and enjoy the planning.

Alicatz66 · 26/06/2018 21:29

Twinkie1 I totally agree ... I'm actually divorced now ... but I was a right Bridezilla all those years ago !!!
It really doesn't matter .. it should be about wanting to be married .. not the wedding ..
Weddings seem to bring out the worst in people !!!! Don't be too hard on mamma ! She's excited ...

toomuchtooold · 26/06/2018 22:15

You have a 40% chance the wedding will end in a divorce

Lower than that probably. The current divorce rate is 42 percent but as <a class="break-all" href="http://webarchive.nationalarchives.gov.uk/20160106011951/www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/vsob1/divorces-in-england-and-wales/2011/sty-what-percentage-of-marriages-end-in-divorce.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">this article from the ONS says, second and subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce than first marriages, so they pull the average upwards.

YummySushi · 26/06/2018 22:19

It’s only ur direct family she told ... the people in the pub probably aren’t invited to ur wedding

I say the wedding stress is starting to get to u. Just move passed this and enjoy ur dress

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