SAHM's

[xllhhx]

To ask how parents who stay at home afford it?

My husband brings in around £2k pm and myself £1.5k pm when working full time. I'm currently on maternity leave so our income is an awful lot less, and even still would be so much worse without my maternity pay!

We already do the weekly shop at Aldi, don't spend money going out (childcare issues) and will have 1 takeaway a week - hardly big spenders!

I would love to be a stay at home mum but don't know how we would afford it!

For us it's mostly about low outgoings, plus finding any other income streams we can. We rent out our spare room through airbnb and we also have income from the flat I lived in before we got married (we sold DH's flat in an expensive area to buy a house in a cheap area) - this also means we have 2 mortgages but neither of them are massive.

We don't eat out and almost never have takeaways, shopping is about £40 per week at aldi. We only buy second hand clothes, toys, baby equipment. We have one (10 year old) car, each spend £5/month on non-contract phones, shop around for internet and insurance and the like. We don't have tv anyway so no pricey Sky etc. We do fairly cheap foreign holidays once a year.

DH earns £70k+ plus car and bonus. My earning capacity is below the cost of nursery for DD so it would make no sense to go out to work. We have a pretty low mortgage payment due to saving hard for 5 years for a 33% deposit on a 4-bed detached, some luck with shares maturing, and getting a great fixed term mortgage. We've never been ones for going out loads and have only ever had 1 holiday per year. I know we are pretty lucky.

I don't know, it seems pretty easy to me if one of you is on a decent wage.

I'm a single parent and earn 42K. If I had a partner they could therefore stay at home because my children and I are fine on my wage so wouldn't need any more.

So I don't really get why anyone earning 40K plus couldn't have a SAHP if they wanted one. Which is an awful lot of people.

They earn more than you? I'm SAHM barring a small amount of part time work I do from home in the evenings (but that is practically nothing in comparison to my husbands salary). He's just been offered a basic salary of about £4k aonth plus bonuses. He may not take it as it a bit low. If he earned what your husband earned we wouldn't be able to afford fir me not to work full time either.

@manicinsomniac we couldn't afford that because it wouldn't be enough to cover school fees (2 children) and DHs debt repayments as basic necessities let alone all the health insurance, life insurance, various activities for kids etc. If you live indeoe dantlu of the government you will struggle (as we have) to do it on less than £6k aonth if you have children.

We both work. Our salaries are pretty average, although we live in an expensive area so they would be low compared to the average here. I'm on maternity leave #2. We afford/will be able to afford our lifestyle by having a low mortgage, family help with childcare, childcare vouchers, a 3 year gap between DC and subsequent savings due to the government funded hours.

DH is on about £2.3K a month. I'm earning nothing. We have 3 kids, 2 cars and rent, BUT, we live in an area with relatively low rent. It's just over £330pcm. Council tax is next biggest at £110 for 10 months a year and as it's in Scotland, we don't pay for water as it's on the CT bill. Car insurances are reasonable too at just under £200 each per year.
Sky telly is a complete rip off but I can't bring myself to get rid because we've had it since Sky TV started here.
We shop at Tesco (can't seem to save with Aldi. I do look for bargains in Tesco though. Our outgoings should and could be less. I'd love to have savings one day. For now pay cheque to paycheque will do.

Loads of people get Tax Credits - I'm not sure what they'll do once UC is rolled out because they then (quite rightly) won't be partially funded by the taxpayer to stay at home
You do realise that not every one who is a SAHP is one just for fun? That people's full time wages are less than what nursery costs or their kids have additional needs that mean childcare isnt doable.

We survive we me as a SAHP because we get tax credits, DH works full time. I gave up a good job to be a home because no amount of wage could provide child care that could cope with his needs, or allow me to be beside him in hospital fo MONTHS without taking the pee with sick leave.

I worked part time through A Levels and Uni, i worked full time straight from Uni for 11 years including an additional part time job for 6 of those years. And now i CAN'T work but you'd prefer we what - can't pay the rent? put food on the table? because we're all just living it up on your taxes eh

@Racecardriver - sure, but that's a level of outgoings that most people just don't experience. And it's usually optional.

The thing is childcare costs aren’t forever although they don’t disappear completely for years. Plus kids are expensive & always want/need things. I thought it was better to try & keep my toe in, can’t wait to not have the expense though.

So I don't really get why anyone earning 40K plus couldn't have a SAHP if they wanted one. Which is an awful lot of people.

We could not live on that but we are in London.

Like others, DH has a very average income (now up to £2.2k a month), but I have been a SAHP to 3 DCs for 8 years now. Before that I had a good job (better than DH), but took redundancy when I was almost totally burnt out and becoming ill.

For us it's all about prioritising and not spending money on non-essentials. We rarely spend money out (no meals/coffees out). One cheap uk holiday per year. No monthly subscriptions (eg TV). We try not to buy new stuff, but shop around for deals when we do.

However, we have no mortgage/rent (benefit of my redundancy), and the money we save by not having that goes on kids activites - they do a lot - sports, music, even horse riding. It's not easy though - DCs get very little spending money as we can't afford it, and as growing teens this is now becoming an issue. They don't want to give up any activities though. I will hopefully go back to work later this year - I home educated my DD for a while but she is going to secondary school in September so can be on the lookout after that.

Not sure how average a salary of mood 30 k actually is. It suprises me that with no rent / mortgage to pay you still say money is tight

I wonder this about a friend of mine. She's a sahm to 5. Her husband works in a warehouse so not on a huge wage by any means, yet the kids never go short. They're always on school trips (abroad) They all have expensive hobbies and she's always buying clothes etc for herself. Obviously they're getting child benefit etc, but even with that I still struggle to understand how they do it.
My neighbour is a sahm to 2 and constantly goes on about how it's 'hubby's job to earn the money and my job to spend it'. Even before they had the kids she did as little as possible and in fairness to him her husband works bloody hard. Constantly telling me about how she took his credit card to go shopping, as in buying designer stuff etc. Saying things like 'He knows he has to hand it over'. I don't know how they do it financially either. She's a smug bitch though

hilda A lot of warehouse work pays quite well, especially if unionized. Good friends DH worked for UPS for 25 years from the age of 18. He retired on a full pension at 43 and I was shocked to find out he earned £50k a year driving trucks from the big depot to the smaller sub depots in their area. He worked 3 nights a week (12 hour shifts) so they never paid for more than one day of childcare.

After talking with him I was like WTF am I doing working my rear end off to get qualified as an accountant. I would have been better off sticking it out in a union job.

but we might not take it as it’s a bit low
What a pointless, braggy interlude to the point you were making.
Also 4k plus bonuses is not low. But I think you already know that.

In reply to @racecardriver

We get 2k a month. We do ok on the one income but we don’t drive which I know is a big expense for most people. My bus ticket is about £70 a month and he gets a discount with work so his is £50. Kids don’t yet require tickets because too young. I’m sure the economics of it will change as they get older but for now no car and no childcare means this is probably cheaper for us than working would be.

@mancmummy it's quite low for our needs, that's the point I was trying to make (also really not bragging, who would brag about a household income of £4k a month?). On £4k apnth we could barely afford to have SAHP. OP asked how people afforded it, I supplied an answer, we afford it by earning significantly more, we could do it on less perhaps but our outgoings are quite high so even we struggle. Its purely a question of warning enough and sacrificing enough.

@macinsomniac I was just pointing out that you think it is easy because you are being subsidised (quite rightly) by the tax payer. So would any two patent family who did that (which perhaps would be quite as acceptable if only one of them was working)

I always find these questions weird. Some people earn more than others or have lower outgoings.

Lower household outgoings- namely mortgage and council tax as I assume other bills will be similar regardless; low car costs; tax credit top ups possibly.

Otherwise a high salary.

It’s not just about covering your costs.
You have to consider the bigger picture of how it will affect your career prospects, future earnings, pension. You have to invest in life cover - does your DH have provision with his work, and do you?
I was a SAHM for many years. I don’t regret it at all - it makes family life easier for everyone else - and I had thankfully already returned to work PT so have been able to put everything in place to secure our future and my retirement.

I couldn't afford to work. Nursery fees would have taken my salary and more. Now the DC are in school and are old enough that MIL can watch them after school once a week. You just stop doing things, DH and I haven't been out together in 8 years, no takeaway, no cinema, last holiday 5 years ago etc

The only mothers I know who work have family nearby to help out with childcare.

Lots of people i know that worked full time with 1 or more children usually had free childcare costs, so it was really worth them staying on at work ( really helpful parents or grand parents) or their partners were able to do some of the caring ( shift workers, worked in a school so could do holidays etc)

Some have different priorities as well , or the cost of nurseries or childminders just isnt worth paying out for so they have to try and manage on one wage, which isnt at all easy these days i know,
its difficult whatever people choose to do or not do. you get judged anyway, you will never win with this one!! ( experience of most of this)