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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not want tawdry tat?

78 replies

Southfields · 25/06/2018 19:29

I'm very fussy and picky about what I have on display in my home. I'm a minimalist and what few ornaments and pictures or other things on the wall are very carefully chosen, tasteful, pleasing to my eyes and they match the style I have created. All my crockery is a matching set and my kitchen cupboards have no space left for assorted, non matching bits.

The problem is, kind-hearted, well-meaning people keep buying me nasty, cheap-looking tawdry tat, like badly-painted resin representations of robins or hippos, cheap looking tat wall hangings, hanging signs with unamusing writings on them, and ugly pottery mugs or jugs, cow-shaped milk jugs.

My own family and friends were bad enough, but now I have a Latvian flatmate who has zero aesthetic sense of what is tasteful and what is tawdry. I have told her -gently, kindly, and with an appealing smile - that I have enough art and crafts in the house and there really isn't room for more, but she will not desist. Her mum and sister come to stay twice a year and to say "thank you" they are bringing me nasty, tawdry looking plastic or resin "souvenirs from Riga" - ornaments, stuffed toys, badly painted pictures, and fridge magnets.

I hate fridge magnets and would not have one. However, once about ten people had bought me one and stuck it on my fridge, everyone now thinks I collect them and buy them specially, and there are now about 100. It's a job to find the blooming handle!

Every now and again, when I am cleaning, and feeling guilty AF, I slip the most tawdry ornament into the bin, pushing it well down underneath the kitchen waste so she won't see it. In this way, I am getting gradually rid of them. But sometimes my flatmate asks where an item is and I have to tie myself in knots apologising for accidentally knocking it over and smashing it :-( Sometimes she has replied, not to worry, I will get my mum to bring you a new one! Aagghhh!

My DB and DSIL bought me the most disgusting piece of tasteless tat: it was a huge, heavy, badly-painted resin bundle of birds ornament, complete with a tacky water feature, which played a jingle and spouted water whenever you clap your hands. I had to remember to get that out, every time they visited, for 3 years until one day I pretended that my butterfingers cleaner had smashed it.

I cannot be the only one who has faced this. How do you handle it without hurting people's feelings? How do you stop them from buying stuff, and if they take you by surprise, or still bring stuff, how do you get out of having to put it on your mantelpiece or wall?

OP posts:
anotherangel2 · 25/06/2018 19:32

Surely your flat mate has equal right as you to put up tat in her own flat.

You need to quickly remove unwanted gifts or people think that is what you want.

Ohyesiam · 25/06/2018 19:33

Ha ha ha ha, op you have a really well developed irony.

PlateOfBiscuits · 25/06/2018 19:36

Oh I want a cow shaped jug!

Mrsharrison · 25/06/2018 19:38

I feel your pain. I can't stand that kind of tat. I never buy people ornaments because it's just rude to think i know their taste.
I have made it clear to everyone not to buy me ornaments - i prefer flowers.

Past tat I've been given goes to charity.
Just be honest with your flatmate.

I had to laugh at your bird monstrosity - I would have binned it immediately.

Basta · 25/06/2018 19:40

Crikey, you like the word 'tawdry'...

CoughLaughFart · 25/06/2018 19:42

I only ever buy items for the home for two people. One is my mother, whose taste I know inside out. The other is my best friend, who asked me for help decorating her flat because she admires my taste. For anyone else, I don’t risk it - home decor is so personal and I’d hate anyone feel obliged to have something in their house they don’t like.

I always remember when I was a child, our cleaner broke a plate my dad had brought back from a business trip. She had a look of panic on her face as she confessed to my mum. My mum was delighted with her - she’d hated the plate on sight Grin

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 25/06/2018 19:42

Next time the Latvian rellies are due, send yourself a big bunch of flowers the fortnight before. Rave to your flat mate about how lovely they are. Be sad when they have to be disposed of. Cross your fingers she gets the hint and suggests they get you flowers.

sayanythingelse · 25/06/2018 19:42

YANBU. My home is all black, mahogany, beige and white apart from DD's room. My MIL constantly buys us bright red throws or massive singing Christmas decorations that we have no room for.
I've thanked her for multiple years but DH has started dropping hints now that she should save the money for DD as we don't need household items. Unfortunately if they're not taking the hint, I think all you can do is keep "misplacing" them.

Southfields · 25/06/2018 19:43

"You need to quickly remove unwanted gifts or people think that is what you want."

Yes, this ^. Someone bought me a pig ornament. It was well made and realistic so I was happy to put on display. Come my birthday, five people bought me horrible cheaply made nasty splodgey pig ornaments, saying "I saw you had ONE, thought you must be collecting them".

As regards your other point, flatmate, well, it's my place and I was here first and filled it the way I want it. She has her own large bedsitting room and kitchenette, which she can ornament and cover with magnets to her heart's desire. I have my own office and sitting room, and that's where people are expecting their gifts to be displayed.

OP posts:
Extravagant · 25/06/2018 19:43

Are you Frasier Crane?

Hadjab · 25/06/2018 19:44

You’re a snob, and yes, you are BU, but you already know that....

Clionba · 25/06/2018 19:44

They're all doing it on purpose to wind you up. Never in my life have I been given anything like this!

JudgeRulesNutterButter · 25/06/2018 19:44

Oh and complain to your DB about flatnate and say you wish she’d get you instead of more ornaments when you’re trying to be minimalist. Vice versa to the flat mate.

ScreamingValenta · 25/06/2018 19:45

Your OP is the funniest thing I have read all day Grin.

CoughLaughFart · 25/06/2018 19:46

Pick an argument with the flatmate. In the heat of the moment, chuck one of her hideous ornaments at her. She’ll be horrified and walk out; you can throw her tat down the rubbish chute. Two birds 🦅

Southfields · 25/06/2018 19:47

I'm a snob, Hadjab?

Please PM me your addy, I will happily send you the whole lot by courier. In return you can send me a pic of you sitting happily surrounded by it, like a pig in shiiii.....

OP posts:
WatermelonGlitter · 25/06/2018 19:48

Trying to insert tawdry into every available sentence is definitely unreasonable Grin

Southfields · 25/06/2018 19:49

ScreamingValenta

Thank you :-)

Care for a cow shaped milk jug.

OP posts:
Clionba · 25/06/2018 19:53

Stage a break in. Force the locks and break a window. Be discovered, weeping, amid the shattered remains of all the tawdry tat.
"How can people DO this!! ??" you cry.

Fuzzyend · 25/06/2018 19:54

Five pig ornaments in one day?!

Really?

Hallamoo · 25/06/2018 19:54

Oh, I'm with you all the way OP.

I'm not even subtle anymore. I just say 'thank you, but it's not really me' and give it to the nearest charity shop.

I do appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not duty bound to fill my house with things I don't like. I'd rather they saved their money, or spent it on themselves tbh.

ScreamingValenta · 25/06/2018 19:54

Southfields I actually wouldn't mind a cow shaped milk jug, because I scarcely ever use a milk jug Grin.

I take my tea and coffee black, and if I'm having cereal I pour the milk straight from the carton (common as I am). It could sit quietly in the cupboard and only come out when its donor came to call.

crispysausagerolls · 25/06/2018 19:56

Oh my god I have a similar problem with people giving me framed photographs!! I don’t like having family photos around, and I feel obliged to put them up 🙈🙈🙈

HerRoyalNotness · 25/06/2018 19:57

I’d love a cow shaped jug to go with my tiny creamer

On the other hand it sits in a latched cupboard with all my entertaining things, waiting to be used. I never remember and just off milk from the fridge.

Aibu to not want tawdry tat?
OlennasWimple · 25/06/2018 19:59

The problem was that you spoke to her "with an appealing smile" and she thought that you had gone loopy