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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to not want tawdry tat?

78 replies

Southfields · 25/06/2018 19:29

I'm very fussy and picky about what I have on display in my home. I'm a minimalist and what few ornaments and pictures or other things on the wall are very carefully chosen, tasteful, pleasing to my eyes and they match the style I have created. All my crockery is a matching set and my kitchen cupboards have no space left for assorted, non matching bits.

The problem is, kind-hearted, well-meaning people keep buying me nasty, cheap-looking tawdry tat, like badly-painted resin representations of robins or hippos, cheap looking tat wall hangings, hanging signs with unamusing writings on them, and ugly pottery mugs or jugs, cow-shaped milk jugs.

My own family and friends were bad enough, but now I have a Latvian flatmate who has zero aesthetic sense of what is tasteful and what is tawdry. I have told her -gently, kindly, and with an appealing smile - that I have enough art and crafts in the house and there really isn't room for more, but she will not desist. Her mum and sister come to stay twice a year and to say "thank you" they are bringing me nasty, tawdry looking plastic or resin "souvenirs from Riga" - ornaments, stuffed toys, badly painted pictures, and fridge magnets.

I hate fridge magnets and would not have one. However, once about ten people had bought me one and stuck it on my fridge, everyone now thinks I collect them and buy them specially, and there are now about 100. It's a job to find the blooming handle!

Every now and again, when I am cleaning, and feeling guilty AF, I slip the most tawdry ornament into the bin, pushing it well down underneath the kitchen waste so she won't see it. In this way, I am getting gradually rid of them. But sometimes my flatmate asks where an item is and I have to tie myself in knots apologising for accidentally knocking it over and smashing it :-( Sometimes she has replied, not to worry, I will get my mum to bring you a new one! Aagghhh!

My DB and DSIL bought me the most disgusting piece of tasteless tat: it was a huge, heavy, badly-painted resin bundle of birds ornament, complete with a tacky water feature, which played a jingle and spouted water whenever you clap your hands. I had to remember to get that out, every time they visited, for 3 years until one day I pretended that my butterfingers cleaner had smashed it.

I cannot be the only one who has faced this. How do you handle it without hurting people's feelings? How do you stop them from buying stuff, and if they take you by surprise, or still bring stuff, how do you get out of having to put it on your mantelpiece or wall?

OP posts:
AwkwardHeliotrope · 25/06/2018 19:59

Just give it to charity, my SiL is an awful present buyer (her MO seems to be to buy what every has the biggest discount on Groupon or other such site) and I just tend to stick most of it straight in the charity box!

WatermelonGlitter · 25/06/2018 19:59

I'm with you on the family photos Crispy. I hate them.

0hCrepe · 25/06/2018 20:03

Put them all outside in a hidden corner of the garden and ‘forget’ to bring them in they’ll soon get ruined.

crispysausagerolls · 25/06/2018 20:05

WatermelonGlitter

What do you do?! It seems like such a personal slight to not put them up somewhere

YorkieDorkie · 25/06/2018 20:07

Here's my contribution... DH's grandmother bought us this ridiculous crystal telephone when we moved in together. She doesn't do gifts, usually just money because she admits she has no idea how to buy presents. However this little guy made the cut to be the first and only present we've ever received from her Grin

Aibu to not want tawdry tat?
MinaPaws · 25/06/2018 20:07

I'm with you OP. I hate tat. I hate whimsical wall hangings, bad art, effing ornaments, themed collections. I even hate tasteful tat which DH collects like 'antique'-looking biscuit tins and antique tins generally, and victorian glass bottles and marmite jars. Off with their heads, the lot of them.

But most of all I loathe seasonal tat. DF-i-L (and he really is dear, I couldn't be luckier with in-laws) loves a hideous Santa/snowman that drops its trousers while singing a carol. So we get them. And then have to store the cheesy feckers and get them out when he's around, and listening toi him setting off their tinny music and pretend to chortle along with how hilarious they are and I just want a steamroller...

This thread is very therapeutic.

Grandmaswagsbag · 25/06/2018 20:08

I’m surprised for someone with such a particular aesthetic that your friends and relatives don’t know that you wouldn’t appreciate this stuff. There are very few people I would buy home wares for, so YANB. But is your style as tasteful as you think? Or maybe they are trolling you because they know you’re a perfectionist?

Pengggwn · 25/06/2018 20:09

Not everyone agrees on what is tasteful. She's probably on the phone now to her Latvian relatives talking about your gauche, self-conscious minimalism.

WatermelonGlitter · 25/06/2018 20:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

viques · 25/06/2018 20:12

At least you are given cheap crap OP, I used to get given hugely expensive crap from a well meaning relative (now sadly late) . The charity shops round here love me.....

Thesearepearls · 25/06/2018 20:15

I feel for you OP. My DH does this. I keep chucking the kitsch away but it keeps on coming in. To the barricades!

crispysausagerolls · 25/06/2018 20:15

WatermelonGlitter

This has inspired me to take the pictures I’ve put up to be polite down!

thegreatbeyond · 25/06/2018 20:16

I like tasteful home decor like big-arse decals saying LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE, and things that say BATH and HOME.

crispysausagerolls · 25/06/2018 20:16

The fake painting sounds dire!

PlainPiglet · 25/06/2018 20:20

I know exactly how you feel. My friend specifies what she wants for birthday and Christmas - perfume/ Swarovski earrings from page x of the catalogue / White Company dressing gown etc. I, however, apparently want anything with a cat on/ recipe scrap books/ weather stations from Aldi/ shower radios/ horrible vacuum packed cheese. In short, any kind of tat she can get her hands on.

Said friend is far wealthier than I am so it isn't a case of that being all she can afford. And I'm not difficult to buy for - milk chocolate from Hotel Chocolate and I'd be happy.

On the rare occasion she has asked me what I want, she then informs me that I don't want a satin pillowcase or a bottle of rosehip oil. I get acres of garbage instead and told I'm hard to buy for. I used to have a wish list and nothing on it was over £10.

The tat all goes to the charity shop. It keeps my colleagues amused when they ask what I've been given for Christmas......

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 25/06/2018 20:23

Are you Frasier Crane?

I was trying to think who it reminded me of Extravagant! Grin

WatermelonGlitter · 25/06/2018 20:23

It was dire Crispy. Not least because it had me on it Grin

KurriKurri · 25/06/2018 20:24

I always wondered what the phrase was for my taste in decor - now I know it is tawdry tat Grin
That bird thing that spout when you clap your hands sounds fabulous, as does the cow and the resin hippo.
My fridge is proudly bedecked with fridge magnets with amusing things written on them.
I have a 'Home Sweet Home' plaque hanging on my kitchen wall.
So pleased my style is tawdry tat - I thought I had no style at all Grin

MissCharleyP · 25/06/2018 20:26

I presume you own the flat and she is a lodger? I’d say that I’ve read an article in a paper and you’re going to de-clutter as you feel it’s time for a change. Either that, or be honest and say it’s not really you, but you appreciate the thought. Perhaps tell people what you’d like as gifts? Oh and I’ll have the hippos - I love them!

Anon12345ABC · 25/06/2018 20:30

YANBU. My home is nothing special but I'm quite particular with what I like. I wouldn't fill it with tat that others kept buying me. It would get hidden away until it found its way to the charity shop.

Years and years ago, we used to collect magnets. We ended up with so many there was no room on the fridge. Then we decided not to collect them and binned most of them. MIL was told not to get any more. She carried on. She was reminded that we don't collect them or want any more. She still does it. Now they go straight in the bin. Her choice not to listen, I'm not using them. We only have photo magnets and a couple that are special places we have been to, not every bloody place MIL has every visited (it's a LOT).

Anon12345ABC · 25/06/2018 20:32

"KurriKurri Mon 25-Jun-18 20:24:53
I always wondered what the phrase was for my taste in decor - now I know it is tawdry tat grin
That bird thing that spout when you clap your hands sounds fabulous, as does the cow and the resin hippo.
My fridge is proudly bedecked with fridge magnets with amusing things written on them.
I have a 'Home Sweet Home' plaque hanging on my kitchen wall.
So pleased my style is tawdry tat - I thought I had no style at all grin"

Excellent OP, you've just found a home for your stuff Grin.

Maybe posters could set up a MN swap shop.

RavenLG · 25/06/2018 20:36

it's my place and I was here first and filled it the way I want it

I'm surprised someone with such an obvious hatred for living with someone else has a flatmate. I would hate to live with someone who clearly didn't share the place with me, and made me feel at home. I hope she finds somewhere more welcoming and tat friendly soon.

Lilyhatesjaz · 25/06/2018 23:20

You need to put a small shelf just above eye level all the way around your toilet so that you can display these things properly.

EdWinchester · 25/06/2018 23:27

You seem to be attracting a disproportionate amount of nick-nacks.

I have a couple of friends that sometimes buy me naff wall hangings with slogans about friendship. I donate them to the fete.

LighthouseSouth · 25/06/2018 23:33

I feel your pain and at least no one has bought me a set of plastic robins!

I have said to people that we had to get rid of things when we moved and tat I'd prefer not to accumulate more. Still get some bizarre things though, including a yellow woolly headband someone thought I'd like for running.....