AIBU for his parents to at the least be aware of me and dc after 10 years

[inlawetiquette]

There is a cultural difference between me and DP.

I've never met his family but I'm aware of who the different the people are and I get updated on things that happen by DP.

DP has always told me, he doesn't have that type of relationship with his parents. They don't really talk about things of a personal nature. They live in the south, we live in the north.

We've argued and even split, early on in our relationship because it was alarming that he never introduced me. We went to counselling and the jist I took from the counsellor was that it may be a cultural issue.

DP rarely visited his family or talk via phone...despite encouragement.

It's all blown up again for me. His DF is in his 80's and has been ill. DP has travelled twice to see him. I wanted to go with but was refused. I didn't push it this is about him and his ill dad.

First time he travelled, it was difficult to get hold of him on the phone. Not answered when I rang. Two-three word texts. Rang me on his way back. I had been worrying for him and about his Dad. He said....signal was bad in hospital etc

He went again and despite me asking him to give me an update so I know he's got there ok...how his dad is etc he did the same again.

It dawned on me, that his family know nothing about me and he wants to keep it that way. I asked him outright...has he ever told them about me or my dc (his step children but he's raised for 10 years)he said...

Not really

Part of me hears big alarm bells!!!! I have a hundred questions...how, why, what. Is he hiding them from me or me from them. Is he ashamed of me of them. Has he told me lies and scared I'll find something out?

Or am I overreacting. Does that mean our relationship isn't real.

AIBU

My exh was Asian and it was like world war three when he finally decided to tell his parents that he was going to marry a white girl.
His mother was apparently hysterical for months and said she was refusing to attend the wedding (she did come in the end though).

It was all to do with how they would look in the community and their social standing.

Its possible he's not up to anything at all and this is to do with (as others have said) how his parents will react to the fact you're not Asian as in from his culture and you already have children with someone else. I think if I'd already had children then my situation would've been very different.

I'm actually still very friendly with his family, we're all friends on Facebook despite the fact we got divorced and I'm now remarried.

Don't just rock up to his parents front door though. Try and have a sensible conversation with him, lay it on the line and decide from there how much it bothers you.

My parents are racist. Not their fault, such was the society they lived in, and I seriously doubt they have ever been in a physical proximity to a non-white person to challenge their beliefs.
If I were in a mixed-race relationship, I would have avoided introduction as hell, for the sake of both sides. So I do understand why your DP might be behaving like that.

don't see how people are getting 'a double life' from what OP has posted

Friend was married 20 years. Her ex only went back to his home country 3 times to visit his wife.

Country was one that his first .marriage is not recognised and he can't divorce.

It doesn't take a great deal to live a double life. He also has children with this woman.