To be so bloody angry??!

[PissyPantsNameChange]

Admitted to hospital Thursday, DM had my DS.

Friday, DM was admitted to hospital (unrelated). DF had my DS and DB's.

Saturday, I discharged (wasn't leaving until tomorrow) because DF wouldn't have been able to go and see DM if he had all 4 DC's on his own.

Dsis decided to stay in Plymouth and DB (both Dsis and DB are adults) didn't even bother answering his phone.

I'm a SP on my own with 0 help now my DM is in hospital. I've left early and now seriously regretting it, admittedly a lot of my anger is directed at my selfish siblings!!

AIBU??

my DF hadn't had my DS on his own before let alone with 3 other kids on his own, I was worried he'd struggle

Your father has your older sister, you, your younger adult brother and your three youngest brothers. After having six children surely he is experienced enough to cope with looking after three of his own children plus a grandchild?

I'm at the end of my patience, I've officially ran out & I hate myself for acting so rash & discharging myself. All because I didn't want DF to have kids on his own (all kids, not just his).

I am capable of looking after my DS, I was simply struggling looking after all 4 whilst so ill (if DB or Dsis had them, neither would be ill).

When DM asked my Dsis to help, her words were "PissyPants has got it all in hand, I'm not needed. It's her turn to pull her weight now seeing as I did it when the DB's were young".

You mum needs to reply 'stop being so selfish, your sister was in hospital only a day ago and discharged early.'

I would use this for future reference OP.

I was simply struggling looking after all 4 whilst so ill

Do you mean you were looking after your siblings while your father was visiting your mother? Or are you now caring for them for the duration of your mother’s hospital stay? What steps has your father taken to get help to care for his children? Do you have aunts or uncles who could help? Comments have been made about you developing a support network but what support network have your parents nurtured beyond relying on their adult children?

OP can I ask a question - your Mum and Dad have 6 siblings and your sister is the oldest? How much was she asked to look after them and take responsibility when she was younger. Because truthfully it sounds like she has had enough and no longer want to be responsible for her siblings.

The truth is why cant your Dad cope 3 of them are his - the fact that he has never had 3 or 4 on his own is telling really of how much they have been expected to step up

3 eldest had near enough moved out by the time the 4th sibling arrived.

DM had health complications when 3 youngest were young, DB never helped.

Dsis always called me to go & help, at the time DGP helped (she's no longer with us).

As a family, we've always relied on each other, as we've got older, it's become less & less.

DB only contacts DM when he needs a babysitter to go out or for money.

Dsis is single and is hardly around. I've only ever asked her once to look after my DS. I absolutely hate asking for help.

It's not that my DF couldn't cope with them all on his own, it's just I know he'd had wanted to see my DM & wouldn't have been able to. It made me feel guilty.

I don't see why there is an expectation for your older siblings to take any responsibility at all for anyone else's children.

Nothing to do with them

To be fair, it is a rare set of circumstances where 2 family members are both admitted into hospital for unrelated conditions a day apart. I don’t blame your siblings for not planning ahead for this. Although I think your anger should be directed at your dad - you shouldn’t have left hospital early! Your recovery is more important than your dad visiting your mum.

Honestly, I think your anger with your adult siblings might be misplaced, this situation is the culmination of years of family dynamic.

It made me feel guilty is guilt an emotion you often feel in relation to your parents?

You are worried about your father seeing your mother when he wants. Has he helped any of his children to see their mother?

Did your father take over the care of your young siblings from you after he visited your mother? What has he done to help you, his unwell (adult) child?

As expected, DF has taken full responsibility and care for his kids.

He fully understands he can only see DM when the situation allows.

I guess I was just angry because I've ran around after adult siblings and done all I can to help and when it's essentially my turn, I'm basically told tough luck.

DF has never once moaned about having his kids or whether he can see his DW.

If I wasn't ill, I'd have offered to do the day to day things with DB's so DF could go and stay with DM as long as he wanted.

Maybe I do too much??

So your dad has small kids? They are your younger brothers and sisters?

Or your dad is looking after your brothers kids?

My mum and sis really grind my gears at times and we’re definitely not close.

I’m also a bit of a horrible old sow but even I would drop everything and be there to look after Nephew and underage siblings in these circs.

Unless your adult sibs have serious issues with your DPs then they are being very selfish.

OP be upset that no one would help you but to be honest they are his kids he should take responsibility for them

Increase your network - find friends etc who would be willing to step in - I would happily take friends children for a couple of hours for a hospital visit

YANBU @PissyPantsNameChange. A decent DBro & DSis would have stepped in to do what they could, & that's not counting all you appear to have done for them. Unfortunately where it comes to them it sounds like you might be expecting too much, which is no slur on you, it's just that they wouldn't do for you what you would for them.

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a crap time: life threatening emergency must have been frightening.
How are you feeling now? Hope your LO is OK. & how is your DM?

But your grown up brother and sister haven't bothered to offer any help whilst you and your mum have both been in HOSPITAL?

YANBU whatsoever. Your brother and sister are self centred, selfish people.

Also, what kind of parents are uncontactable when someone else is looking after their children?

TammySwansonTwo you really need to read the full thread.