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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you about the good parts of having children?

161 replies

ValidUser · 24/06/2018 13:53

Name changed because some people from work know my usual name and don't want to share my family planning details with them. DP (soon to be DH) and I are planning to TTC from September.

I'm very excited and just wanted to ask about the nice parts of parenting.

Please indulge me. Or throw buns.

OP posts:
proudestofmums · 25/06/2018 07:23

Mine is adult now and the joy in seeing him turn out to be such a (IMO) wonderful caring human being is indescribable (see user name)

Beaverhausen · 25/06/2018 07:30

It is hard work but it is also the best time of your life.

How they grow and get into their own personalities.
How loving, innocent and caring they can be.
Just every little inch of them is perfect.

Littlecaf · 25/06/2018 07:33

As a parent you suddenly ‘get’ what life is all about. I’m sorry to say but those who don’t have children, especially those who laud their childlessness over you when you’re knackered and in need of a bath and a good nights sleep, just don’t get it. They don’t.

A friend of a friend once said (think Irish accent needed here) “They are little bastards, but there’s a moment of pure joy every day”. That’s about right.

TeasndToast · 25/06/2018 07:39

Love is the key to success, happiness and life.

There is NO love more profound than the love shared between you and your child.

It feeds your very soul.

Yogagirl123 · 25/06/2018 07:44

I was a little late in becoming a mum. But it has been an amazing journey, I would do it all again if I could turn back the clock.

I loved being pregnant, birth for me was also ok, I bf both of my DS for the first year of their lives.

It’s just the way they look at you, watching them grow, it really is wonderful. Getting them out of the cot first thing in the morning, when you hopefully haven’t seen them for the most of the night! The smiles and the funny things they say. It’s all brilliant.

Mine are teens now and are really lovely people, so I think we did something right! We are so, so proud of our two.

Good luck OP and congrats on your up and coming wedding.

MorningsEleven · 25/06/2018 07:46

You have a basket under the pram to put your shopping in. It's great. Though you do look a bit daft with your pram full of shopping when they're 12 and 14.

Believeitornot · 25/06/2018 08:39

You have a basket under the pram to put your shopping in

^I miss this!!!!!

Redgreencoverplant · 25/06/2018 09:10

I don't like babies but DS is now 2 and he is amazeballs! So funny but also kind and loving. He tells me I am beautiful regularly (reminds me must take him for an eye test Grin). I have two scars from burns on my legs and everyday he says 'poor mumma shall I kiss better?'.

There is no feeling in the world better than when he is tired and we snuggle up on the sofa to watch Moana for the eleven millionth time Grin. He has also inspired to get out and see so much more of our local area, we have discovered castles and nature reserves and beaches. Before having him we mainly went to the cinema and out for dinner.

Yes it is hard and tiring but when I am struggling I remember that the small child period is so short really. Before I know it he will be sleeping until midday and out with his friends not exploring castles with me Sad

BitchQueen90 · 25/06/2018 09:24

I have a 5yo DS.

The cuddles. The little things he does to show he loves me - draws me pictures and picks me dandelions on the walk home from school. How excited he gets about showing me things that he can do like writing his name and doing all his buttons up on his school shirt. The adventures we go on together whether it's just a trip to the park or a holiday halfway across the world.

Most of all, the feeling of love and protection that I have for him. The love I've felt for anyone else just pales in comparison.

I found the baby stage tough and didn't enjoy it for various reasons. I didn't truly start to enjoy motherhood until about 14/15 months in.

chickedychicked · 25/06/2018 09:28

you will stare at them in amazement as they are genuinly the most beautiful people in the world to you.

SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 09:30

Only own a newly converted 3 yo, converted from Series 2 model.

Impromptu comments that are either "thank you momma" or "love you momma" - he's largely non verbal but I get the gist.
Cuddles.
Seeing then overcome - DS was started of the tunnel at Sea Life but then when we came back to it he tried and realised here loved it. I can see him physically and mentally psyching himself up towards, bravery.
All the cars etc that have to be driven over my legs because here just needs too be near me.
Watching them sleep peacefully

SummerGems · 25/06/2018 09:35

The fact that they are a part of you. That you can watch them grow and discover the world and that you made that happen purely by virtue of the fact that you created them.

And now that he’s nearly sixteen, the fact that I can have grown-up conversations with him about life, politics, current affairs, the stock market.... you name it while still being his number one supporter. And the fact that on many levels he gets me too. I have a life limiting illness and while he is not expected to compensate for that fact, he knows the score in terms of my health and what it can mean sometimes.

And I look at the relationship I have with him, and the relationship I have with my own parents, and then the relationship he has with my parents and the realisation dawns that this is what family is when you get it right.

But if I were looking to simplify it I would say that he is my world, I live for him and I would die for him. And no-one else.

Notsureanymore1 · 25/06/2018 09:40

Knowing that no matter what you do or say - their love is unconditional (but very very expensive !!! ) Wouldn't have it any other way though

lasttimeround · 25/06/2018 09:41

The love. My dd is severely disabled and very hard work. But the love. So big so unconditional. Wouldnt give that up.

Underparmummy · 25/06/2018 13:49

I am so much more baseline content post kids. Everything just makes sense somehow, there is a purpose. The sense of squad from your own family is lovely.

I loved the baby days despite the sleeplessness (although that really is a wake up call!). That smell, the softness, the squashiness, the utter trust they have in you, the newness! I had three kids mainly because of this Smile

(Toddlers - ahem. I am not a toddler person!)

Pre school onwards it is just amazing - When they get old enough to start making proper good, funny jokes (about 7 ish). When they learn skills and facts from their clubs that you don't know. Watching them become a little person essentially.

The things that are hard - endless routine, loss of sleep (even when they sleep they wake up early at the weekends!), the f*cking never ending housework (even with a cleaner) and most of all the juggling work/childcare issue.

Underparmummy · 25/06/2018 13:51

OO and yes yes to the fact that they really help you discover your local area and your community!

elQuintoConyo · 25/06/2018 14:10

You can dress them up.

My 6yo loves going out dressed as:
Darth Vader
Bob the Builder
Superman
My Little Pony (doesn't matter which)
Surgeon
Jellyfish
Firefighter.

For his first carnival aged 1 he was a pint of Guinness. I made it Grin

For me as a crafty bugger i have had the honour of making a bunch of toys, lots of clothes, couple of blankets, scarves, gloves, hats, bags for carrying toys, pyjama cases, embroidering his name on his school coverall (like a giant blouse!).

Plus father's day and birthday cards. And personalised gubbins for Christmas- stocking, various tree ornaments... The list is endless.

As well as the usual cuddles, pure devotion, giggles, silly language (playing 'pinkaboo' or 'hide and sink', on seeing his first peacock: 'look at that fancy chicken!').

It has to be said, though, that i only tolerate other people's dc and am not particularly maternal. And we chose to have one child, i could no way deal with 2 or more. DS is a Duracell bunny and has been ON for 6.5 years with no family help whatsoever.

Myheartbelongsto · 25/06/2018 14:14

What pombear said.

Its actually worse than that in all honesty!

BitchQueen90 · 25/06/2018 14:29

And although I understand where pombear is coming from I don't feel that way about having a child. Yes, I can't do impromptu things any more like going to the pub for drinks after work but I don't really want to anyway to be honest. There's nothing really that I desperately want to do that I can't do without DS. The things I enjoy doing are things like travelling, having lunch out, going for walks, all of which are lovely with a child.

Ennirem · 25/06/2018 14:30

Apart from their inherent wonderful-ness, ably detailed by posters above (the baby smell! The incredible beauty of them! The amazing cleverness and fun of everything new all the time!), there is what they make of you.

You may already be one of those people with a strong sense of self, and a sense of their being a point to your life. I wasn't particularly, despite having a lot going for me and a lot of options. But now I am, all the way down to my bones, A Mum. and I love that, knowing who I am, what I'm for, what I want more than anything else to do.

I love the capacity it gives me - to love, to cope, to be patient, to be kind. When you stand there dripping from head to toe in someone else's sick and don't give it a moment's consideration at the time, because all you want is to comfort them - when you reflect on it later and realise that just comes naturally to you now, you can feel that you are becoming a better human being because of them. I was told my mother had died unexpectedly the other week, just as my partner was bathing our little girl; and I was devastated and cried and cried. for exactly half an hour; then I dried my tears and went upstairs and read her her story and put her to bed, as I have every night of her life, because she needs me to. And she has made it possible for me to cope with this horrible thing that would have turned me inside out with maudlin angst when I was childless, because not only does her need for me keep me going in spite of the pain, she actually replenishes my soul and makes me happy when nothing else could. It's a perfect feedback loop so far - she needs me to be her everything, and so I find I can, because she does.

People talk about 'getting your life back' a lot after you have kids. But this life I have now is better than any I had before, so frankly you can keep it! Wink

SummerGems · 25/06/2018 14:35

WTF Do people respond to these threads if they have nothing positive to say? Confused if the thread had specifically asked if there were good parts to having children then it would be understandable. But the thread asked for the good parts. If you don’t feel there are any then why impart your bitterness on to a thread asking for good points?

Colbu24 · 25/06/2018 14:46

I love everything. No regrets I'll do it all over again. We only have a 12 year old son so light load.
Amazing experience.
We were old when he was born 37 and 45. We were fully ready in every way.

Flamingosnbears · 25/06/2018 16:03

From the moment you find out your pregnant all the way through 😊 ♥ every day there's somthing new, their innocence and acceptance is inspiring.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 25/06/2018 16:36

You have brief, fleeting moments where you watch them in the world and think to yourself "great god on high, he's stellar" and know that despite the slightly mad shit you said/did that they're growing up to be genuinely lovely people. That for me is the best part of parenting.

The challenges are huge but those moments of pure perfection just eclipse everything else. And it doesn't have to be anything outstanding like winning a Nobel prize (because despite what the MIL says, it's alright to have average children). Just knowing that underneath the utter lunacy lies an incredible human is enough to help me withstand every difficult patch life can throw my way.

And as PP's have mentioned, the smell. I still go and kiss both on their heads when they're asleep at night before I go to bed (I'm a bit like the mad old bird in Love You Forever and will likely be climbing through their windows when they're 57 and having to be told off) but the smell on the tops of their head is so completely unique and delicious. DH didn't believe me that I'd recognise them by their smell alone so we did a blindfold test when we had a house party and I knew my two instantly, as did all of the Mothers there. There's no smell like the top of your baby's head, no matter how gigantic that baby becomes.

Verbena87 · 25/06/2018 17:02

Ennirem is right about ‘getting your life back’. A friend’s MIL said this to her repeatedly (that at 5 months pp she should ‘stop breastfeeding so you can get your life back’). She eventually said “this is my life. I’ve chosen it and I’m finding it profoundly fulfilling. It must have been really sad not feeling this way, would you like to talk about it?” Wink

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