To ask you about the good parts of having children?

[ValidUser]

Name changed because some people from work know my usual name and don't want to share my family planning details with them. DP (soon to be DH) and I are planning to TTC from September.

I'm very excited and just wanted to ask about the nice parts of parenting.

Please indulge me. Or throw buns.

It gets better and better. Mine are growing up into young adults and I couldn’t believe I could love them more than I did when they were little, but I do. I see them interacting with my friends on an equal basis and I think ‘I did that’. The pride I have is immense.
What Pombear said at the beginning isn’t untrue, but as with everything, it’s how you chose to perceive it. Yes, there is huge responsibility, self-doubt, guilt and your life changes, you change. But embrace it and make it your way forward.

Parenting is fucking hard. No question. One of mine is being really tricky at the mo. I know it’s not personal, it’s just something he’s going through. Keep your perspective positive.

And remember two things:

1. Choose your battles

And

1. they need the most love when they deserve it the least.

Kids are people. The good part is having those people in your life and the bad part is being responsible not only for keeping them alive but bringing them up to be people you want in your life.

Well all of it really.

Mine are 22 & 20 now.

It has just flown by.

Oldest one doing an apprenticeship & talks about getting a job after & moving out.

I'm not ready!!!

Watching them learning to jump is The Best.

DS 6m smiles at me or DH every morning when we fetch him from his cot. It's a smile that is like he hasn't seen us for SO long and it's the best

I will try hard to keep this list short. It could run to 100s of pages.

Babies: exceptional cutness - their giggles and grins and cuddles, the way they fling their arms and legs around

Toddlers: their overwhelming fascination with everything. You suddenly realise how totally brilliant snails and diggers and yellow coats and the word 'mantlepiece' are. Watching their milestones: first words/sentences/steps. First time they help someone else/meet a dog/paddle in the ocean. The world seems brand new to you too and it's so lovely.
Children: the list is huge - massive joy to be had from the excuse to have fun and play again, from riding miniature steam trains and visiting Legoland to having water fights in the garden and building dens in the woods.

I think it comes down to two things: they love you like no one ever has, and you love them like you've never even known what love was till they arrives. And that the world suddenly becomes full of first times again - new, fresh experiences.

Of course, real life isnt what you see on the screen - its shit and horrible and fantastic and beautiful all at the same time .
You will make your own family and how they turn out depends a lot on you and their Father but they will still be their own person and that is the fantastic part. Watching them grow from a tiny mewling baby to a sturdy child and then an independent teenager is such a privilege. You do have to stand back from the intensity of it all to see it sometimes but it is always there.

There will definitely be days when you think you will drown under the weight of the responsibility of it all and days when your heart is so full of love you think you may well burst with joy. And many ,many,many days inbetween that are pure drudgery. But at the core of it all remains you and your child(ren) and the family unit you make together.

There is no right or wrong way to parent despite what many people will try to tell you and discovering how you will parent is a joyous thing. Knowing that you 'know' exactly what to do for your child is a good marker for being a proper grown-up and once you are aware of your capabilities you can stand and face the world.

One thing though - there is an old adage that will stand you in good stead through the bad days and the help you appreciate the good days- this too will pass.

My baby is only 7 months, so I've not found any downsides yet. Some of the best things are;

1. Having your best buddy around all of the time. He makes everything more interesting and fun.

1. The middle of the night moments, when it feels like it's just the two of you awake in the world, and all they want is to be held and fed by you, who they love so much.

1. Mundane things are incredible when your baby does them -"oh look, he sneezed, that's so cute!"

@PomBearWithoutHerOFRS

As much as I love my kids, I actually agree with you completely.

The giggles, seeing someone's mind blown by so many interesting things in the world, and being able to roar like a dinosaur in Sainsbury's legitimately.

It's all good. I mean, it can completely change your life completely or not at all depending on what you're used to and how laid back you are, how you manage your time, what you enjoy doing etc.
I love the moments like when I go round to the school and I spot DD and she doesn't know I'm there, laughing with her friends or concentrating on something and I think how bloody proud I am of her.
I could watch them all day when they were toddlers seeing everything as new.

I love our bedtime routine. However our day has gone, it's always lovely, so on a good day, it's a great way to finish off, on a hard day it's a soothing way to unwind and try to move on. He has a bath so he smells deliciously of lavander, then nice fresh PJs snd fuzzy bed socks go on, so he looks all cuddly. Then we read a few stories together before cuddling to sleep. He's heading on for 2.5, so is constantly doing his own thing through the day. It's great to see him so confident and engaged in his little plans and schemes, but bedtime snuggles feel like I still have my baby which is also special. Particularly nice on a day where he's pushed every button and driven me demented

Doing stuff as a family- holidays, days out, new experiences. I actually really enjoyed doing all the kiddy things
I also like the way that things move forward onto the next stage.

When they grow up (mine are mid-teens) and say things like "You were right! Thanks Mum!" which is a relief because you'd argued about it!

How they reignite the ability to be silly. I have a toddler and it's hard work, especially when he's up at 6.30 and in the week I'm up at 5 for work. You know what, dancing and stomping to the Trolls soundtrack before 7am wasn't exactly on my top 10 ways to spend my weekend, but I actually belly laugh (as well as mentally consider this my exercise). When he grabs my hand to lead me in to the lounge to dance like muppets makes my cold cold heart melt.

Seeing the world through thier eyes - mine are 6 and 4 and notice everything, so, you get to notice every rainbow and animal.
The feel of thier little hand in yours.
The silly jokes they make up.
Bedtime stories.
Cuddles.
Being able to be a kid yourself with them - water bomb fights, footy in the garden, dancing round the living room.
A good excuse to get out of any social engagements you don’t want to go to!!

I have two toddlers. 16 months and nearly 3. They are amazing. So funny, astoundingly clever, the speed at which they learn is astonishing. They find not in the smallest simplest of things. And yes, watching them learn to jump is great. I have one that can and DOES a lot, and one who can't, yet. They love me without question. I am their world (it's just me) and they are mine. Yes it can be hard, responsibility, I've not had a night out since they were born. (Yes I married a shit husband. ) but I've had loads of nights out before and I'll have them again.

I would say the love - the indescribable, incomparable & unconditional depth of intensity of love for them & their love for you.

When they are babies their skin, smell & smile. The amazing toddler years where you see them learn stuff & their own unique personalities. The cuddles. Even as fucking infuriating teens they are lovely - a unexpected flash of a smile or a ‘love you Mum’ or a hug or offer of help after a shit day is worth the moodiness & irrationally of the average teen.

Yep - you have to give up yourself (to a degree) & any good parent will put them first forever, but as long as you’ve already done the partying, travelling & wild spontaneity (if that’s your thing) then the sacrifice is worth it exponentially (you think you couldn’t possibly love them more on day one - then you do, almost every day).

I would say the depth of feeling you have for them. It took me a couple of years in all honesty to get in the swing properly and feel like I had this but now I look at DS (7) and feel like there was always something missing until he was born.

He makes me proud every day (he recently lost his Daddy and he blows me away with his thoughts and actions and how he copes)

My absolute favourite thing is the little phrases and words he uses. As he’s grown up there are so many funny memories. Sometimes he’s hilarious, sometimes he makes my heart skip a beat with how loving he is, recent examples include “I will manage without Daddy because I’ve got you, my heart is full for you Mummy, our hearts are full for each other aren’t they”

I genuinely feel grateful to be his Mummy eveday. He inspires me to be a better person every day.

Myself and my DP are ttc number 2 and I honestly can’t wait to do it all again.

Good luck, I hope it happens quickly for you x

They leave Home

You get shed loads of Easter eggs which, for a long time, they are too little to eat all of themselves so, for the sake of their teeth and the obesity crisis, you get to scoff 80% ofbthem.

Thank you all so much! These have me in good tears.

The hard times can be good too. When you've gone through a difficult patch and you look round and you think "that's it, it was hard but we got through!". Or when something annoying or upsetting or just tiresome has been going on in the outside world and you get into the car or sit down at table and laugh at it together and think "that's it, we're a family, we belong together".

Pretty much everything about having children is brilliant!! . I bloody love it!! And the 'down sides' like being tired and being vomited on is such a tiny part of it. And even then It's not awful, it's sad for the baby, It's just a thing that happens.

I love being a mum. There are so many things I cherish - the love they give and the absolute trust that they put in you; the cuddles and the snuggles, and the way their faces light up when they see you; the laughter and all the funny things they say; the fascination of watching them grow and develop; the fresh energy that you get from watching them explore the world, like you're seeing it for the first time through their eyes; the pride in watching them become the amazing people who they're meant to be. There is nothing else like it in my view.

I have loved each and every stage too - the snuggly, snuffly baby stage, the outrageously cute toddler stage, the delightful tween stage...and now I have a teenager, I think it might be the best stage of all. I find that my dd is excellent company - we talk about everything, laugh together, have fun. And I am bursting with pride when I see what a fantastic young woman she is becoming.

I realise that there are a few people who don't see many positives in being a parent. I am sorry for those that feel that way, and hope that at some point in your parenting journey, you find that it was all worthwhile.