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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your child didnt attend nursery before 3 did they struggle to settle when they did start and with school?

62 replies

Bippitybopityboo · 23/06/2018 22:54

My cousin asked today if I have got DS (23 months) into nursery for when he turns 2. I said no as I am a sahm and don't need him to go to nursery yet and I have a new born who I would like him to spent time with etc he will go for 15 hours when he turns 3.

She was really shocked that he won't even be doing one day a week and said he's going to really struggle when he has to go and starting school will be hard on him. I'm already worried as he's a summer baby and will one of the younger ones in the class and now I feel guilty that me not wanting him to go to nursery is holding him back. We would also struggle to afford it unless I did go back to work.
Did anyone else find their child settled ok without going to nursery before turning 3?

OP posts:
welshmist · 23/06/2018 22:56

We did playgroups because I was a SAHM, two went off happily to school, the third had a bit of a wobble after the first half term.

Ohyesiam · 23/06/2018 23:00

Neither of mine went to nursery, both went to
Preschool at 3 for about 8 hours a week.
We did toddler groups one, sometimes two mornings a week.
Both settl d into school excellently.

Why would a child need two years prep for school? They are much better off with you.

RachelfromFriends · 23/06/2018 23:02

I didn't take her to anything before she started at three and she sailed in and loved it.

From a social point of view it would have been good for her to have met some of the children beforehand as everyone seemed to have coupled up with besties

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 23/06/2018 23:03

Yes I definitely plan to go back to play groups and things once I get my head around having 2. I think I'm feeling guilty at the min for bringing a new baby into the mix and that's why I let it worry me u wouldn't usually Blush

OP posts:
3boysandabump · 23/06/2018 23:06

First two went to nursery from about 9 months. Never had a problem. Dc3 didn't start nursery until 3 and was an absolute nightmare

Starlight345 · 23/06/2018 23:10

As a cm I have had children who have never done pre school or nursery just a small setting and settled well into school .
I do think socialisation is important it doesn’t have to be a formal setting

gillybeanz · 23/06/2018 23:13

None of mine attended nursery or pre school it just wasn't for us.
We have never had childcare neither, just the odd baby sitter, once in a while.

if you socialise your children well and make sure they have play dates with friends, it isn't really necessary.
They all started school fine and apart from the one with sn, were streets ahead both socially and academically to those who'd been to pre school.
It's obviously a choice if you want childcare though.

fruitpastille · 23/06/2018 23:14

My first born did pre school at 2. Hated it so much he did less than a term. Much happier when older and doing v well now at school. Didn't bother with the other two and they are fine as well!

Bequiethammy · 23/06/2018 23:15

It totally depends on the child. Ds went at age 3 when he got his hours, settled pretty quick and absolutely no problems at school at all. Some in his reception class still struggle at school drop off, some don’t, and knowing the background of many kids in ds class it seems to have no bearing at all whether they have been to nursery for years and years, or just since 3.

dementedpixie · 23/06/2018 23:16

Both mine went when they got their free hours aged 3. Went to school with no issues

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 23/06/2018 23:16

I had twins who were in nursery from 8 months, DS 3 didn't go to nursery until pre-school.

He was, and is, fine. He is very sociable, very well liked little boy. I had no worries about him at all. He does rule the roost at home somewhat whereas the other two are more laid back, so it does depend on temperament. None of my children were ever clingy.

KERALA1 · 23/06/2018 23:16

Mine went to pre school at 3 but otherwise was sahm playgroups etc. No issues at all. Don't fall for nursery marketing campaigns or those who use nurseries over justifying their choices. Fine use as childcare but they are not "better" for babies than parental care.

maamalady · 23/06/2018 23:22

My summer born started preschool 15hrs a week six weeks after turning three. She's loved it from the first day, no issues at all. She's four next week, starts reception in September, and is really excited. Don't worry about it. Youngest will start at preschool as soon as she is three too.

liz70 · 23/06/2018 23:23

No, DDs 1 and 2 were around three and a half before they started council playgroup (equivalent of nursery school here), and DD3 was four and a half. None of them attended any mother and baby groups either. All three settled well into primary school from the start of P1; no problems at all.

Wandastartup · 23/06/2018 23:28

My youngest went to nursery from 7 months & still struggled starting school( eldest the same with no problem!)

CoshPunt · 23/06/2018 23:37

My son started playgroup 5 days a week at the age of 3 (and a few months) when his funded hours came through, having never been in a formal childcare setting before (only the odd afternoon with my DM, otherwise with me all day, and very limited mother and toddler groups). I was very nervous but he took to it like a duck to water, with two settling in sessions - though he could've gone in after one and been fine really! I found it very helpful to be able to better explain to him what was going to happen and that I'd be back later on, etc. He hasn't cried once at drop off and instead gets upset if he can't go. He's not old enough to be starting school yet but so far, so good!

bookmum08 · 23/06/2018 23:39

Going to Nursery from the age of three IS the preparation for starting school. Any nursery before 3 is generally 'day care' nursery and after 3 is 'pre school' nursery. As long as your child is having chance to socialise with other children (stay and play groups etc) - which you say you do and you are a SAHM then you have no need for 'day care' nursery.

Thehop · 23/06/2018 23:41

A new baby arriving then starting nursery would be really bad timing.

2 is a very difficult age to start nursery, o would choose baby or 3 year old if you can.

Congratulations on your new addition xx

YouTheCat · 23/06/2018 23:43

My kids went to nursery at 3 1/2 . Not going earlier did no harm.

thegreatbeyond · 23/06/2018 23:56

Older son went to preschool for a term, then Reception. He's done very well, he's nearly 16 now.

Original poster
Bippitybopityboo · 24/06/2018 00:02

Thankyou all I think it definitely depends on each individual rather than the prep they've had

OP posts:
SparePantsAndLego · 24/06/2018 09:13

DS is coming to the end of year two. He loves school, settled no problem. Went in without a backwards glance from day one. He enjoys school and is doing really well.
DH and I both worked part time to care for him, with one day’s help from my parents.
He never went to any childcare setting but we did take him to groups (La Joile Ronde, Diddi Dance etc).
I think it depends on the child and no one is better placed to judge that than the parent(s).
There is no need to send a child to nursery, IMHO they go to school so early in the UK, but equally if you need to use a nursery then that’s fine, too. They’re adaptable little beasts!

my2bundles · 24/06/2018 09:23

Ds went to school nursery age 3, straight in no tears then settled well inti reception. Some others in his class went to nursery from a year old and had a horrendous time settling into reception. I think do whatever works for you and your child but don't fall for the advice telling you they settle better into school having been to nursery as babies and toddlers because it's not true for every child.

0range99 · 24/06/2018 09:26

One went to nursery when I went back from mat leave, the other didn't go anywhere til pre-school. Both lovely teens now.

juls1888 · 24/06/2018 09:28

We took my DS to toddler group from a newborn as we knew he would be an only child and wanted to ensure he was used to other children (I had a fixation about the dreaded not wanting to share thing!). He started a large nursery at 3 years old, the same week as being diagnosed ASD and he has absolutely thrived! My DH is a SAHD so hell no were we voluntary going to be paying childcare. We do have supportive families who always asked to have him for a few hours here and there and again, that's good for his independence from us.