To ask if your child didnt attend nursery before 3 did they struggle to settle when they did start and with school?

[Bippitybopityboo]

My cousin asked today if I have got DS (23 months) into nursery for when he turns 2. I said no as I am a sahm and don't need him to go to nursery yet and I have a new born who I would like him to spent time with etc he will go for 15 hours when he turns 3.

She was really shocked that he won't even be doing one day a week and said he's going to really struggle when he has to go and starting school will be hard on him. I'm already worried as he's a summer baby and will one of the younger ones in the class and now I feel guilty that me not wanting him to go to nursery is holding him back. We would also struggle to afford it unless I did go back to work.
Did anyone else find their child settled ok without going to nursery before turning 3?

My experience us that the opposite is true. Many if my friend's children had such bad experiences at nursery when they were 1-2 that they struggled when starting preschool at 3. The ones with the least problems seem to be those who were looked after by family or child minders until three.

There are a lot of child psychologists who think it is better for children to not be in group childcare settings until 3.

For full disclosure, both mine started nursery around 1 because I couldn't afford to not go back to work. Too early to tell with 2 but DC1 is certainly confident, happy and (mostly) well behaved.

In your situation I would say you are doing the right thing. Several sources say that before three years nursery is not necessarily an advantage. Given you have just had a baby, sending DC1 off every day might make them feel pushed out. It is entirely likely that if they find it difficult to settle at three they would have also found it difficult to settle at two.

Seriously, there are several ways to go things. You have chosen what is right for your family. People will always offer unsolicited opinions. Just ignore.

Daughter didn't ever go to nursery or playschool. I kept her at home till she started school and she thrived because she was ready!

DS1 didn’t go to any nursery until he was 2.5, I would have held off longer if I could but we needed the childcare. He didn’t settle well and 9 months later is struggling again now he has changed rooms. I am worried about it but am persevering because a) we need the childcare and b) he will start school in September 2019 and it will be a real shock otherwise I think. Ideally I would have preferred him to do preschool hours instead of all day in nursery but that isn’t realistic for most working parents. So much guilt sorry to go off on a tangent.

I think the benefits of nursery/group childcare are overstated for the under 3s. Very young children are better off with their main carer and I say this as a working mum. For over 3s, I think a lot of kids will benefit from the social side as well as starting to get used to a routine ready for school. But as long as children are well socialised in playgroups etc there is no need for it necessarily.

That being said, DS1 had speech delay and nursery did help with that side of things and even now I notice every time he comes home from nursery he chats about new things.

@greyhorses please don't worry. In most places it is the norm for children to start when the free funded hours kick in. If you are working or have other childcare that's different, but many many children start preschool at 3. Lots of people don't have the money and it's really not necessary.

My three children didn't attend nursery at all (there weren't any!) so apart from a couple of mornings a week at playgroup from age 3 they went to school at rising five without any experience of large groups of children.

They all settled perfectly well from the first moment. No issues whatsoever. And they could all read, write and count before school too, which helped a lot. (Hurrah for early home ed)

Dsd went to nursery from before she was 1 and was terrible settling into school. She'd cling to me screaming that she didn't want to go in. Also has anxiety issues though not sure it's related. Dd started preschool at almost 3.5 and starts school at just turned 4. She can't wait to go. She's very independent and sociable. We did lots of music and dance classes before she started preschool.

@greyhorses @bibbitybopityboo

Good balanced article about the “pros and cons” of nursery before aged 3.... personally I don’t put much stock in the perceived “academic advantages” because of all the evidence that early academic achievement does not predict long term academic outcomes (in fact the evidence suggests it can be damaging long term in terms of developing negative attitudes to learning etc).

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2010/oct/02/nurseries-childcare-pre-school-cortisol

I think personality and temperament is the main indicator of how well a child settles into school - not nursery attendance

3 children.

Eldest went straight into Reception with a staggered start, full time by autumn half term (summer born). Settled fine, asked to go full time when she was ready. Has loved school ever since.

Middle went to Nursery at 3.5, more than ready and flew through Reception.

Youngest has autism. Started at 3 mainly to support for his speech and social skills. Wasn't really ready and had a bad start with lots of changes of teaching staff. Has had another year in Nursery since then and now asks to stay longer than his half day. I think he is ready for Reception, but the transition will be tricky at first.

Each child is different and whether they go to Nursery or not is not imo the reason they cope with transition to school. They can learn to socialise with their peers prior to school at playgroups, clubs, in playgrounds, family ...

Mine went to nursery when he was 5!

Started school just before he was 6 and settled in like a dream. He's always been my introverted, quiet boy so I worried how he'd do but he never gave me a moments worry after that first day.

In my experience, there really wasn't any difference at all in reception between those kids who had been in nursery since they were tiny and those who had been at home all the time with a SAHP, academically, socially or behaviourally. All children are different. Some scream or cry at drop-off, some don't. Some settle in quickly, some don't. Some find it easy to sit still, some don't. Some find it easy to socialise with other children, some don't. Their previous experience of nursery or being at home with a SAHP doesn't seem to make a blind bit of difference.

No, my daughter didn't start until 3 1/2. I tried to stay with her for the day and after half an hour she looked at me and said "go do your business now" so away I went. She had no issues.