To ask if your child didnt attend nursery before 3 did they struggle to settle when they did start and with school?

[Bippitybopityboo]

My cousin asked today if I have got DS (23 months) into nursery for when he turns 2. I said no as I am a sahm and don't need him to go to nursery yet and I have a new born who I would like him to spent time with etc he will go for 15 hours when he turns 3.

She was really shocked that he won't even be doing one day a week and said he's going to really struggle when he has to go and starting school will be hard on him. I'm already worried as he's a summer baby and will one of the younger ones in the class and now I feel guilty that me not wanting him to go to nursery is holding him back. We would also struggle to afford it unless I did go back to work.
Did anyone else find their child settled ok without going to nursery before turning 3?

It's funny isn't it, that this is becoming normal, that they effectively start 'school' at 2. In our day (!) it was pretty unusual to go to anything before you started reception at 4/5 and I think most kids were fine.

My eldest started pre school the term after turning 3. She’s been fine from day 1 and is excited to go. Prior to that we’d been to playgroup but only ever been left with us or grandma. I honestly think that was the age she was ready to be left and we would have had tears and upset at 2. There is nothing wrong with nursery as childcare prior to that but I don’t think it is needed as school preparation.

I think it is a crazy to think nursery is needed at 2. If you need it for childcare it can be lovely -if you find a nice setting- but if you don't need it - they are babies and fine at home / chores / playgroups. Mine both went to pre school the year before school (had childminder then nanny for childcare). That was enough for both of them - dd is very social but high strung ds is more self contained but chilled - neither was really ready to make friends do structured things before then. I am sure some children get some stuff out of it (and some parents a break) but it is not necessary imo.

First two never went to nursery, one went to a daycare centre twice a week when I worked, one went to a Childminder 3 times a week when worked, last one went to nursery but not till 3.5. All went off to school very happily, and did well.

Ds1 goes to pre school 2 mornings a week. He started a few months before I went back to work after ds2 was born. He will go 15 hrs when he's 3. I think he would have struggled to go straight to 15 hrs so have done it this way to ease him in. It also gave me a bit of time with ds2, and time to do the things that are tricky with essentially 2 babies!

DS went to pre-school a couple of months before he was three. Before that he had been to a weekly Sing and Sign class and a short 6 week course to 'make healthy eating fun'. Both of these I took him too just to mix with DC of his own age. No other groups.

He settled in brilliantly, he stayed at pre-school till he went to school as his didn't have a nursery and didnt want to move him to another setting before school

Not at all. Dd1 has suspected ASD and hates any change to her routine and even she coped remarkably well. Her nursery are really good though, and she did half days for most of a year, starting just after her third birthday, then full time for a year from the following September.

75% of children I know didn’t go to nursery and haven’t had a problem.

My first went to Preschool (a nursery equivalent) 2 mornings a week for a year before going to real school. She didn't have any problem and was very excited to go. We always went to lots of play groups too.

Of my three, (all autumn born boys) two went to preschool just as they turned three, did fine. The youngest went when he was only just two and a half, so had an extra term & a bit & he was & is the one who struggles most.

First believer that parents know best - if you want to keep your toddler at home, then you do that.

All of mine started preschool at 3. If I were doing it again, I would also keep them home until 3. My thinking was that the early years are precious and they were happy and unstressed at home.

Neither of mine did. We went to playgroups together, soft play, tumble tots, that kind of thing. We were definitely the exception to the norm though. Everyone I knew had their kids in for their free hours the moment they got them. Mine went straight into reception. I won't say they didn't struggle but they were both later diagnosed with autism which explained it.

Yes but we tried to start him at nursery at 2 and a half but it was impossible because it was to difficult for him. He has always just been very sensitive and very clingy. Not at all independent. A child who is going to find it difficult will struggle regardless of when they are sent to nursey/school. Children who can cope well with institutionalisation will settle fairly quickly whoever they start.

*he started at three

Dd went to a community playgroup at 2.5 years where you left them and went to nursery at 3.5 and then went to school at 5.5.

Ds didn't start the nursery until he was 3 and moved on to school just before his 5th birthday. He was no bother but he is shy compared to his sister. He moved to high school with minimal fuss too.

None of mine started nursery before three. Personally, I think younger is too young. They need the security, individual attention and right level of independence only a parent can give. Mine are fine and ever have been both socially and academically. I think more time in nursery would have disadvantaged them and certainly limited their experiences.

I have three children and work in a nursery, all children are different so I would say there's not a definitive answer to this question.

My eldest started at age 3, was absolutely fine and makes friends really easily and is very popular now still (in year 3)

My middle started age 2, again he was fine going in and thrived, he struggles a bit more socially but does have friends in various classes across his year (now year 1) however I just think this is down to personality.

My youngest started age 2, she cried and cried and hated it, we pulled her out and waited again until she turned 3, she was still a little wary but overall much better and now is super confident.

Working in the preschool we have 4 year olds who still wobble coming in on occasion and 2 year olds who come running in from their mums without a backwards glance (happy to come in and get on with playing), I also think it depends on the setting, ours is a parish hall so all ages are mixed, some preschools have different rooms depending on age so there are half the amount of children mixed etc.

Nope, my DD was fine. I was also a nursery teacher in a school nursery for three and four year olds, a lot came to us with no previous nursery experience and I don’t actually think this had any bearing on how they settled with us or later at school. I think personality and family expectations/attitude etc had a much bigger bearing on how children settled.

I know this may be contentious, but in my experience as a teacher, a child who has or does spend very long hours in childcare settings is more likely to have behavioural problems in school.

I don't use nurseries as childcare for my children but have no problem with anyone doing so. But I do think it’s sad if people are putting babies into nurseries purely because they think this will help them when they start school.

The vast majority of well adjusted and successful adults I know did not go to any form of nursery - as they did not really exist. They all went straight to school and all did absolutely fine.

No problem with either of my children, both only did TumbleTots prior to nursery.

My eldest did a bit of preschool at 4 and was absolutely fine, 2 started at 3 and did 2 mornings a week till school both were fine. Then one dd hated it so went twice and never again, school was fine. Youngest we tried at 2 and he had terrible separation anxiety. Went off beautifully at 3.5years.
I think it depends on the child, but preschool or nursery is definitely not a requirement at 2.

The government introduced free 2 year old nursery places for children from 'poor' families because it was found, in general, those children were coming to school 'less ready' than their richer peers. They wanted to target the families where the toddlers weren't read to, sung to, talked to, taken places etc but gradually the idea seems to have set in that all 2 year olds should be in nursery. Personally, I think that an interested parent/grandparent/carer spending time on a 1:1 basis is going to be much better for the vast majority of 2 year olds. Nursery can be great if needed for childcare but I do hate the idea that lots of parents now think that their 2 year olds need to go just because they've turned 2.

I started my eldest at preschool when he was almost 4, but he's a December baby.
I could have started him sooner, but I'd just had ds2 and wanted to get used to having 2 and also I didn't want him to feel I was pushing him out of the way as I had a new baby. He had the standard 15 hours, and I had it as two half days and one full day.
He had 1 year at preschool and it took him half a term to settle. It did him the power of good.
My 2nd is coming to the end of his year at preschool and it has also been very good for him. He had about a fortnight of settling in time and then was very happy to join in with everything.
Ds1 has found the transition to school easier to cope with thanks to preschool and I hope ds2 will be the same!

I worry about this as I can’t afford to send DS until we get our free hours the term after he is 3

Feel like I’m doing wrong as most friends have had children in childcare from 1 and they say mine will be a nightmare when he eventually does go.

My ds didn't go into any childcare until he started preschool nursery at 3 years 3 months. He has been absolutely fine, never cried about going and loves it. He has absolutely flourished there and is so excited to start reception (at the same school) in September. It hasn't been a problem for us at all!