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Original poster

Someone is going to need to calm me dow

70 replies

Sanitysearcher · 23/06/2018 20:47

Myself and my partner have been together for over a year and half. We live roughly 90 miles apart, however I commute to work close to where he lives. For this reason I mainly stay or socialise at his house. He has never travelled to mine.

I have invited him to my house for the very first time. I suggested next Friday and that I would like to cook him dinner and for him to stay over, which he agreed to weeks ago.

He has now informed me that he has been invited to a work evening do that night and has said yes. He suggested that whilst he would like to go out with work, he would cancel it if I still wanted him to come over.

I’ve spent all week doing my house up and painting as it’s needed some tlc. I now feel so stupid for wasting all my time. His house is in the country and is massive, mine is a small town house. I was nervous about having him over as it’s meant a lot to me but now I’m ready to explode at how inconsiderate he has been.

Somebody please give me perspective

OP posts:
Rocinante1 · 23/06/2018 20:50

I would tell him what you've said here. If it's just a night out he should have said no. If it's a work thing that will help his career, then say you understand but really feel let down.

Caribbeanyesplease · 23/06/2018 20:52

He’s never stayed despite being together 1.5 years? Confused

Timeisslippingaway · 23/06/2018 20:54

He said he would cancel if you wanted him too. He's probably not aware that you've put in so much effort for him coming. I'm surprised he's never been to your house in a year and a half.

Justneedsomeinfo · 23/06/2018 20:56

If it's just a night out he shouldn't have accepted the invite as he already had plans. But If it's to mark a particular occasion ie Birthday, leaving do, or a works night for something then that might be a bit more understandable if he wants to go. If it's the latter I would rearrange his stay at yours.

Lifeisabeach09 · 23/06/2018 20:57

Fuck the inconsiderate twat!
Go out with your friends instead..

TeasndToast · 23/06/2018 20:58

He doesn’t really feel strongly about you OP. Do you think you might be giving more than you’re getting? I think you have bigger issues than the work do.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 23/06/2018 20:58

Why is it a one time only deal? He hasn’t been over even once in 18 months; does it really have to be next Friday?

Original poster
Sanitysearcher · 23/06/2018 21:02

One of my parents used to live with me up until 2 months ago as they were quite ill. It’s been difficult having people round and was always more convenient with work etc. for me to stay at his

OP posts:
DesignStatement · 23/06/2018 21:02

Odd he’s never been to your in 18 months. Sounds a one sided relationship to
Me

massivelyouting · 23/06/2018 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluetrews25 · 23/06/2018 21:05

I see it that he wants you to make all the effort and go to him all the time so you can DTD. He just has to open the door. If he was keen, he would want to come over to yours. Sorry, but it sounds like he's only in it for what you can bring him with him not having to do any running or give any effort.
He's either lazy or doesn't really have that much interest in you.
Unless he has some hidden anxiety about travelling or something....Hmm

SomeKnobend · 23/06/2018 21:05

What a thoughtless prick. Tell him how you feel, like you told us.

Caribbeanyesplease · 23/06/2018 21:07

OP
He hasn’t come to you once in 18 months.

You don’t live on opposite ends of the country. It really isn’t that fat. And yet he hasn’t come to you. That is shocking. When you love someone you want to know them - and that involves seeing their home. It indicates that he just isn’t bothered. And then when you finally do arrange a date, he bails.

keepingbees · 23/06/2018 21:11

I would expect him to be a little more keen to finally get the chance to see your home/stay with you after 18 months together. I don't think he's that bothered sorry, at the moment he's got everything easy on a plate.

massivelyouting · 23/06/2018 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HollowTalk · 23/06/2018 21:13

I would have expected him to be some help to you when your parent was ill, if he'd been with you that long.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 23/06/2018 21:13

He doesn't sound like a "partner"

Original poster
Sanitysearcher · 23/06/2018 21:14

Yes he’s definitely not cheating on me, he’s great every way & I’ve no doubt we will end up getting married

If I’m honest I’ve always held him at an arms length with my parent’s illness, it wasn’t for his lack of enthusiasm!

OP posts:
GunpowderGelatine · 23/06/2018 21:18

Sorry OP but I agree with others - he doesn't sound like a partner, more like a fuck buddy.

2gorgeousboys · 23/06/2018 21:19

He's offered to cancel if you want him to? He probably won't be aware how much effort you've out in to doing your house up and getting it ready.

Cut him some slack and tell him how much it means to you. If he still chooses work, then judge him.

IsMyUserNameRubbish · 23/06/2018 21:22

Sorry, calm you down over what? Something came up (no pun intended) and he's great in every way so you say, so er, what's the problem again? 🤔

ShawshanksRedemption · 23/06/2018 21:24

He should have said no to the works do as he already had plans with you. However as another PP said, if the works do is a celebration of some kind, then just do it the next weekend instead. All your hard work won't be in vain! Your partner isn't to know that you've been working hard getting it spruced up, unless you have told him.

I can understand why you've spent time mainly at his as a couple so I don't personally see that as an issue.

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 23/06/2018 21:26

On the one hand the timing seems a bit suspect-just so happens to fall on the one date he's agreed to come to yours, I'm not even going into why the fuck it's the first time... Hmm
He has however said he'll cancel so not all bad but then should he have said yes knowing that he had arrangements with you?
Hmmm, I think you need to have a rethink on the balance of this relationship tbh-he's not giving much at the moment is he?

Original poster
Sanitysearcher · 23/06/2018 21:31

Okay I’ll just say to him, calmly, that I would like him still to come and over and hopefully that resolves the matter

OP posts:
MagicNumberyThings · 23/06/2018 21:37

I now feel so stupid for wasting all my time

How have you wasted your time? You've painted and spruced up your house. That's not a waste of time.

He's said he'll cancel if you want him to. Why don't you see how that goes?

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