AIBU to have an online friend who ìs male?

[mademybed123]

Have recently met someone online and we chat. Everyday. About lots of random things. He's overseas and younger but I do really enjoy talking to him.

Anyone else have a similar friendship online?

You do realise that not everyone is who they say they are on the internet, yes?

And not chatting online to the exclusion of maintaining RL connections, no?

If so, fine.

It’s absolutely fine. I would try and have a level of caution with personal details for a while but it’s fine. I have a number of people in my life whom I have met who I met online.

I agree with PPs.
They may not be who they say they are.

If you have an OH hen I'd expectthem to be aware of your friend in the same way as they would be about your physically present friends.

If you're hiding online friend, that's a whole different thread!!!

If you are maintaining internet safety, not withdrawing from real life and not sending any money I personally don't see a problem.

What tis said. Do you mean you have a DP/DH and also have an online friend? If so, would you/do you happily show tell them what you talk about?

You’ll get yourself in trouble if you’re in a relationship and keeping this online thing a secret.

I have a DH and they know the online friend exists. They don't know the full details of what we talk about.

Why not? You're concealing stuff from your husband. As Han Solo says, I've got a bad feeling about this.

Why do you need the friend? I’m not saying it’s wrong but what is special about it as normally I would try to invest in friends in your community / meet up with people in normal way and it’s v relaxed /DH knows them all too. We often all hang out together.

Still I’d say yanbu unless it is separating you/ could be a negative thing by taking your focus from investing in your more immediate life and family

I'd be really pissed of if DH spent a lot of time chatting to a younger woman (or any OW) online. Stop making excuses for yourself, YABU and probably being taken for a ride.

If you need to ask...

we have a similar sense of humour and talk about things that my RL friends have no interest in, so that is a big driver for our friendship.

I'm not being taken for a ride, and I know enough about them to know they are who they say they are.

Just wondered if it was something that other people had in their lives

I don’t see the problem at all. Both my friends are online only and both male , we’ve been friends for many years, nothing dodgy going on.

Enjoy the friendship OP

The fact that you have to ask if YABU on here means you know that you are.
He’s filling a hole that you husband isn’t, basically. Maybe not literally, but still

As long as you’re careful OP and your DH is fully aware of everything I don’t see a particular problem.

However, be aware that although I’m a woman in her mid thirties, it would be easy for me to pretend that I am a 50yo American army captain.

I assume you're very certain that he's not a scammer or risky in any way. So that's ok.

Therefore my question is - Would you feel bereft if he stopped chatting to you? If so, you're too invested. I also think that daily chats with a hetero male friend is a bit too much.

yes, I would be bereft.

I'd say fine as long as you are cautious, level headed and honest to your DH.

I have a very close older male online friend in the same country who I am hopefully meeting soon, (We are meeting in a town between where we both live and just doing 'touristy things') and a younger online male friend in a different country. DH knows about both of them and is happy as I talk to them almost every day but not to the exclusion of him and don't give away too many personal details.
Online friends can be amazing friends.

SuperSuperSuper I'd feel bereft if many of my male or female friends online stopped talking to me. I don't see why it's a problem or 'too much* to be bereft over the loss of a friendship?

Dramaqueen - would you say that your conversations ever stray into innuendo or flirting at all?

How would your dh feel if he saw the volume and content of all your messages? How would you feel if your dh developed a similar attachment to another woman? I think it's too much contact and attachment and may be bad for your marriage tbh, especially if your dh is not fully aware of the extent of things.

Daily online chatting seems rather excessive and a bit like escapism from real life.

Do you video chat? Or text?

text only. Depending on work schedules and other things, maybe a few times a day, sometimes for a few hours. Often at night for an hour or two.

Would you be happy if your husband had a similar friendship with another woman?

I would be devastated if my partner spent several hours a day talking to another woman, especially if it was a friendship that developed during our relationship (as opposed to a pre-existing one going back years).

How do you spend time with your husband if you spend hours talking to this other man?

I think you know where this is heading op.

Are you investing as much time and energy into your relationship with your husband as you are into your online friend? If not, then I think it could be a problem.