AIBU to have an online friend who ìs male?

[mademybed123]

Have recently met someone online and we chat. Everyday. About lots of random things. He's overseas and younger but I do really enjoy talking to him.

Anyone else have a similar friendship online?

You shouldn't be talking at length to other men once you are married..

What an utter load of sexist, old fashioned rubbish!! I've always had male friends I talk to a lot, my mum has male best friends. If you can't talk to other men just because you are married then there is something seriously wrong. I'm bisexual so by that logic I shouldn't talk at length to anyone now I'm married incase I run off with them! Rubbish!

DramaQueenofHighCs

Um.....some bits would be fine. Sometimes we talk about quite serious things, or even the weather or pics about places we are...

Other bits.....perhaps flirty banter and comments that would be uncomfortable for him to read.

We have never had text sex or anything like that. Well, nothing seriously meant as sexual.

I think you know YABU. It’s a betrayal of sorts and it undermines your marriage.

If you’re so sure what you’re doing is totally fine and above board then why are you asking anyone else? So far it’s been one long justification for spending part of your day thinking about and flirting with a random off the internet instead of spending time with your husband who’ve you’ve chosen to be married to and share your life with. If that’s what you want then knock yourself out. I couldn’t give a shit. It’s not what I’d do and not what I’d want my husband to do. But it’s your life. Don’t complain if your husband seeks companionship elsewhere and what the two of you had starts to die and you end up living separate lives under the same roof.

I also think that daily chats with a hetero male friend is a bit too much.

If it would be uncomfortable for him to read, then that is the line crossed.

My DH and I are both gregarious characters and flirty. All done openly, and the only time I felt slightly jealous, I told him and he stopped immediately. It's all done with good humour and nothing is ever personal.

I think you know all this and are trying to minimise it

Don't go there. Concentrate on making things work with your DH would be my advice.

Well nothing seriously meant as sexual
There's your answer right there. How do you know he is not being serious? If you wouldn't be comfortable having those conversations in front of your DH then it is too far and you need to tighten the boundaries. No reason to stop communicating with this guy, but keep it within the realms of what would be acceptable to your DH.

Do you also chat at length with your dh?
Or keep your banter for the om??

If you can't talk to other men just because you are married then there is something seriously wrong

Look, the problem is men not us. Men get all sorts of weird inappropriate thoughts about women even if they're "just friends", only 1% of men can hold down a friendship with a woman without at least thinking about having sex with her one day. So it is best to avoid being in that situation. Fact.

only 1% of men can hold down a friendship with a woman without at least thinking about having sex with her one day.

Source?

Yes YABVU and bloody naive!

There is nothing wrong with you having online male friends. However, too much flirty and sexual banter can easily develop into an emotional affair and catch you unaware. If you are saying stuff to this guy, you couldn’t say to him infront of your DH, you’re starting to cross the line. Secrecy is one of the signs something is leading to an affair , regardless of your intention of not wanting to cheat. I have had a few married female friends become too close to an online male friend and have seen the emotional toll it takes. You need to seriously ask yourself what is it that’s lacking in your relationship with your DH - lack of communication? Not enough shared common interests?

It depends on what kind of basis you see this other man. If it's just friendly chat I'd say it's ok, but if you're chatting a lot every day and going onto personal topics and " deep" things then it's bordering on an emotional affair and I think it's inappropriate as you have a husband.

I suppose needed to tell someone. Because although I have told friends I have been working with someone on a joint creative project, which is another aspect to our conversations, no one knows the truth.

That we talk far more than just about that, also talk about personal things. That I get down if he hasn't messaged me for a few hours. That I can't stop a silly grin sometimes when we talk. That I probably have a bit of a crush.

So I'm not naive, just .... not sure how to deal with this.

That's it then
All contact outside of work needs to stop now, and contact in work must only be as much as is needed to get your job done.

It will be hard, this sort of infactiation/early crush is like a drug.
But give it a few weeks and you will probably look back on this very differently once you have some distance and fill your life/time with other things.

That we talk far more than just about that, also talk about personal things. That I get down if he hasn't messaged me for a few hours. That I can't stop a silly grin sometimes when we talk. That I probably have a bit of a crush.

Ask yourself how you would feel if your DH was talking to a woman online that made him feel the way this guy is making you feel. Would you want him to continue speaking with the woman or to put a stop to it?

You need to put that energy into your own relationship. I doubt you would want to end your marriage, so why jeopardise it over, some silly little fantasy with a guy on the Internet. Where do you think this is going to go? Are you going to start taking your clothes off on webcam ( or have you already?) where do you draw the line. The reality is you’re a married woman, not fancy free and foot lose, and by continuing this “ friendship” you’re being disrespectful to your DH and your marriage. You need to end it now as you’re playing with fire. What happens if this guy contacts your husband. You know what you need to do, stop looking for excuses.

How would you feel if roles were reversed and DH was doing this with a younger girl overseas. And not being open about what kind of things he was discussing

I suspect you wouldn't be too pleased

There's your answer

YABU

Have they asked you for money yet op? Or told you that they've come in to some money but don't have a bank account so can they use yours?

That I can't stop a silly grin sometimes when we talk. That I probably have a bit of a crush.

Now this is a drip feed and a half

Yeah...perhaps a bit of a drip feed.

But due us never meeting in real life a lot of me sees it as harmless. There's no real way to could progress, and i think the feelings beyond simple friendship are on my side.

No, he hasn't asked for money ;)

It's not harmless. It's deceitful and disrespectful. If you think so little of your DH why not leave him for your Twitter boyfriend, see how that works out?

Your poor husband!

I hope your H finds out and finds himself someone who loves and respects him.

Like it or not you're having an emotional affair and you're cheating on your husband.

Tell your husband and stop talking to the other man.