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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry that DH just doesn't get why he upset me?

65 replies

StackingCups92 · 23/06/2018 15:35

I have a 1 year old DS and I am 8 weeks pregnant. The tiredness has been awful, so I am trying to nap during the day when possible.
We have my DSC this weekend. On Saturday afternoon, we always go to visit my Dad in rehab, where he is recovering from a brain injury. I see my Dad during the week, and just felt like I needed a break this afternoon, so DH has gone with the 3 DC.
He was supposed to take some smart shoes to my Dad, for a wedding on Monday, which were ready by the door. My Dad is an hour away. About 20 minutes after they all left I notice they left the shoes. It is really important that he gets them, and no one else lives near us to drop them off, and we won't have another oppurtunity to drop them off in time.
I go into panic, thinking I'm gonna have to drive there, so there goes my break! I try calling DH before I leave, non stop. His DC are 9 and 12, so one of them could have answered. My thinking is if he answers, he can turn around and I can meet him halfway, or he can just drive home. No answer.
So I am in a real state because I just need my break! I get in the car and DH turns up. He gets funny because I am in such a state, not getting why I am so upset. I told him I just needed a break and getting into such a state of worry has ruined it. He didn't do it on purpose, I know, but all I needed was an apology, or even just an acknowledgement of how upset I was. He works away all week, and we don't live near any family, so I literally never get a break from DS. I am just so angry at him for not getting why I am so upset. AIBU?

OP posts:
JohnnyKarate · 23/06/2018 15:39

I think you are been a bit unreasonable really. I don't think he intended to upset you or to forget the shoes. You sound like you need a break so I understand that this stress may not help the situation. Hope you feel better soon Flowers

Furx · 23/06/2018 15:40

Honestly

I’d say be more selfish and don’t sweat the small stuff.

They are shoes. Not life and death. You have a small child and are at the most exhausting part of a pregnancy. In your shoes (!) I’d have prioritised my rest. Sounds like your husband would too. Which is why he was baffled.

Everyone else can sort the damn shoes out.

MrsDirtyBear · 23/06/2018 15:41

Yes. But totally understandable considering how tiring being pregnant whilst looking after a v young child is.

confusedlittleone · 23/06/2018 16:58

Yabu. It's just a pair of shoes, which according to your op he came back for anyway!?

AForegoneConclusion · 23/06/2018 17:16

You are being dramatic really. It's shoes. He came back. Your day isn't ruined. I really do understand how exhausting it can be -I had the same gap with my two and DH worked abroad for weeks on end in Australia so I was on my own entirely. You DO get through it, I promise. The tiredness should get easier in a few weeks, and you won't be so emotional. I don't think he owes you an apology really, he came back and got the shoes, presumably because he realised himself without the phone calls. He isn't responsible for you being tired or angry, but he is obviously sympathetic having taken the kids out to enable you to rest. Calm down, put your feet up and have your rest.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/06/2018 17:20

YABVU, if you can't cope with one child then why plan a second?

He was human and forgot something that he came back for. If I did this and my DH got angry with me he wouldn't be my DH for much longer especially if I had to work away all week to finance the household and so didn't have the luxury of breaks daily.

lanbury · 23/06/2018 17:21

Woah! Sounds like there's a bigger back story for you to be so upset tbh.

Snowysky20009 · 23/06/2018 17:23

Over dramatic

TrudeauGirl · 23/06/2018 17:24

He came back for them, it's easy to forget things. It's a bit silly to let it ruin your day but I don't know want pregnancy hormones are like so I can't judge on that.

Try and relax and chill when you can

OneStepSideways · 23/06/2018 17:32

I think you're being U. He made a mistake. He then came back for the shoes! It sounds like you got worked up over it when it shouldn't have been a big deal. If you need a break you take one when you can, regardless of other pressures. If were feeling unwell nobody would want or expect you to drive a long way to deliver a pair of shoes.

Also it seems understandable he didn't answer the phone or ask his child to answer it, when he was already on the way back.

Clairetree1 · 23/06/2018 17:34

sorry, I don't get why you are angry, its a pair of shoes, worse that could have happened is he attended the wedding in other shoes, who cares?

DH forgot something, then came back for it, and sounds like he got an earful for nothing

Kardashianlove · 23/06/2018 17:40

It does all sound very dramatic. Surely you/DH could have driven tonight or tomorrow. Seeing as you were going to drive there anyway, you could have had your break then driven later.

If I’d have forgotten something and came back for it and DH was in a state, it honestly wouldn’t occur to me to acknowledge/apologise to him.

Dyrne · 23/06/2018 17:40

OP have you been assessed for PND since having your son? Or AND since you got pregnant? Your reaction doesn’t sound normal, working your way into such a state at something that, at most, would be considered a bit of a ballache.

Do you often feel like you can’t cope at the moment? If so, i’d go have a chat with your GP.

Singlenotsingle · 23/06/2018 17:42

Blame the hormones. I hope DH is a patient soul.

FatCow2018 · 23/06/2018 17:44

Ridiculous overreaction on your part OP! He forgot something, remembered, and then came bacl for it. Sounds like a better person than me, I'd not have come back for them if I was already 20 mins away!

Apologise for being a dick and move on.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 23/06/2018 17:44

Sorry, but YABU.

araiwa · 23/06/2018 17:47

Mountains out of molehills springs to mind

lazymum99 · 23/06/2018 17:48

Give your DH a break. Taking 2 kids and a toddler to visit his FIL (your DF) in hospital to give you a break is pretty saintly.

Parky04 · 23/06/2018 17:48

Blimey, all this over a pair of shoes! Poor DH!

SleepingStandingUp · 23/06/2018 17:54

I think your tiredness has got the better of you.

There would have been an option around airing the shoes but you got into a state frantically calling and worrying and then thinking how you're meant to be resting and aren't and what will happen now and next and why and how and agghh.
Then DH turns up to collect them and instead of just getting a ah great, take then and leave me to chill, he's got you overly wowed up expecting an apology and empathy and to be left alone and to be looked after.

Neither of you are in the wrong, just you're not being very rational.

Can he take then all out for lunch tomorrow?

Homemenu1 · 23/06/2018 17:59

Yabvu, you really need to find ways to deal ‘getting into a real state’ particularly over a pair of shoes.
It was an accident that dh put right,
You are going to have 4 children so it will be chaotic at times, you need statergies to support yourself no to panic

Dobbythesockelf · 23/06/2018 18:02

YABU you overreacted. I get you are stressed but next time take a breath and look at the bigger picture.

SoyDora · 23/06/2018 18:11

I’m afraid YABU (IMO). He forgot (mistakes happen) and he came back (to rectify the mistake). I understand that you’re exhausted (I’m 13 weeks pregnant and have 2 pre schoolers, I know it’s exhausting) but jt was an overreaction. He was probably completely confused as to they you were in such a state about something that he rectified (and I wouldn’t have come back for them, it added 40 mins on to his journey).

recklessgran · 23/06/2018 18:21

Poor man. YABVU OP, sorry. Give your head a wobble and issue a grovelling apology to your DH.

KittyHawke80 · 23/06/2018 18:25

Four times in that you said you needed a break. Bloody hell. Ironically, you expended a ludicrous amount energy desperately preserving the sanctity of your break. DH sounds like a good bloke. I doubt the shoes were of tremendous import to your dad, if he’s in rehab for a brain injury (for which much sympathy). Calm the hell down.