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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so angry that DH just doesn't get why he upset me?

65 replies

StackingCups92 · 23/06/2018 15:35

I have a 1 year old DS and I am 8 weeks pregnant. The tiredness has been awful, so I am trying to nap during the day when possible.
We have my DSC this weekend. On Saturday afternoon, we always go to visit my Dad in rehab, where he is recovering from a brain injury. I see my Dad during the week, and just felt like I needed a break this afternoon, so DH has gone with the 3 DC.
He was supposed to take some smart shoes to my Dad, for a wedding on Monday, which were ready by the door. My Dad is an hour away. About 20 minutes after they all left I notice they left the shoes. It is really important that he gets them, and no one else lives near us to drop them off, and we won't have another oppurtunity to drop them off in time.
I go into panic, thinking I'm gonna have to drive there, so there goes my break! I try calling DH before I leave, non stop. His DC are 9 and 12, so one of them could have answered. My thinking is if he answers, he can turn around and I can meet him halfway, or he can just drive home. No answer.
So I am in a real state because I just need my break! I get in the car and DH turns up. He gets funny because I am in such a state, not getting why I am so upset. I told him I just needed a break and getting into such a state of worry has ruined it. He didn't do it on purpose, I know, but all I needed was an apology, or even just an acknowledgement of how upset I was. He works away all week, and we don't live near any family, so I literally never get a break from DS. I am just so angry at him for not getting why I am so upset. AIBU?

OP posts:
SandyFagina · 23/06/2018 18:26

So - he came back for the shoes?

What's actually the problem here.

Littletinyraindrops · 23/06/2018 18:28

He had to get 3 kids ready and in the car, it just slipped his mind which is totally understandable when you're trying to coordinate kids!
Brownie point that he came back for them, which is great, some people wouldn't bother doing that and just say it's no biggie.

I can see why you'd be upset, especially being so tired and hormonal, but I'd try and let it go now and enjoy the rest of the peace. Have a nice bath and take a nap.

It's a little much to be angry at him, but you're pregnant so he'll probably let you off.

kateandme · 23/06/2018 18:28

try and take some breaths.your not being ur because this is over stress talking.but is he because he didn't mean to leave the shoes and because he isn't in ur stressed mind at the moment her too wont get the emotional outburst or why.
because if you were perfectly calm and happy with things would you have reacted like that?i don't think you would.but that doesn't mean ur in the wrong just a situation has arrived that fired emotions from you and confusion perhaps from him.
when your tired and stressed and want a break everything seems huge and overwhelming.banging ur toe can SEEM LIKE THE LAST STRAW.
so just try to get your calm back from it.dont keep going over it it wont help now.
maybe even talk to him.ask him for a hug and explain that ur just so stressed and tired and didn't mean to explode everything is just getting on top of you.

DragonMamma · 23/06/2018 18:33

OP I know you’re pregnant and knackered but YABU and making this 20 x worse than it should have been.

Apologise to your poor DH - he came back to get them. You can be angry at him for not answering the phone whilst driving and you getting all in a flap about shoes.

mediumbrownmug · 23/06/2018 18:42

While I agree that the shoes weren't worth you stressing over like this while pregnant, I do understand. I had to learn the hard way that it wasn't on me to fix everyone else's issues (like your DH forgetting the shoes) and that it was fine to leave it to others to figure things out. I wish I'd known this during my pregnancy, as it would have saved me so much stress. If I were you, I'd apologize to DH for assuming he couldn't handle it, thank him for coming back for them and go put my feet up for the rest of the afternoon. Enjoy your break. Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/06/2018 18:44

The whole situation sounds very stressful. I think you’ve been given a hard time by some posters. Really you’re going to have to learn to stop sweating the little stuff. The shoes weren't that important really.

Topseyt · 23/06/2018 18:55

Oh dear. I could be rather like that when I was pregnant. Making mountains out of molehills and catastrophising about everything, including such rubbish as what colour DH had painted the garden shed once.

Offer him an apology. He obviously realised he had made the mistake and he came back to put it right. He was probably bamboozled by how wound up you were.

Chill as much as you can. It is just a pair of shoes. Not the end of the world.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/06/2018 18:57

From your other threads I'm starting to feel sorry for your DH.

He works all week so you don't have too, then has to spend the weekend doing housework as you don't see it as your job in the week and gets sent out so you can have a break rather than be able to spend time with his children with whom he has little access.

Quite what you need a break from is beyond me.

SugarIsAmazing · 23/06/2018 19:01

If you called him non stop and then was in an absolute state when he returned he was probably relieved it was just over a pair of shoes, and not anything serious.

He could have driven back like a lunatic thinking something bad had happened!

Newtothis2017 · 23/06/2018 19:08

I feel a bit sorry for your dh.

KittyHawke80 · 23/06/2018 19:10

@Boxsets&Popcorn - (Nods solemnly)

WingsOnMyBoots · 23/06/2018 19:13

I'm sorry, it's ridiculous.:-(

toolonglurking · 23/06/2018 19:14

Sounds like a big overreaction, apologise, blame the hormones and move on.
Try not to sweat the small stuff, maybe once the second baby comes along you'll naturally lower the bar a little?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 23/06/2018 19:19

It was, what, five minutes of panic? And then you presumably got your break.

Erm...

Oscha · 23/06/2018 19:28

That’s exactly how I behave when I’m at the height of my anxiety. 💐 for you OP-you were entirely unreasonable, but I think should talk to a doctor about anxiety.

Shumpalumpa · 23/06/2018 19:36

Your DP went to visit your dad with the DC and came back for the shoes when he realised you forgot them, but you want an alology?! Confused

As they were your dad's shoes, you should have made sure he took them, things are very easy to overlook. If they were his dad's shoes he should have remembered them.

And it's a bit unreasonable to expect him to always be able to answer the phone. He was driving.

LivingMyBestLife · 23/06/2018 19:39

OP, you can't blame your DH for the state you got yourself in to, and expect him to apologise for that - he came back for the shoes!

To ring constantly about it is a bit manic - I think it would be worth speaking to your GP, especially if you've had anything like this before. I remember the tiredness of early pregnancy but your reaction is out of proportion here.

mathanxiety · 23/06/2018 19:39

He should have answered your calls or had one of his DCs call you to say not to worry, they were on their way back for the shoes.

The reason you got up to ninety was that you thought you had to get into the car and go yourself, you were upset that they were ignoring you (as you thought) and had not shared your concern for the shoes/dad situation. Then you piled on your feelings about DH working away all week leaving you with DS.

The lack of responsiveness really tipped this over the edge.

You could sit DH down and ask him to please answer your calls in a reasonable time frame.

But all the rest - DH away, you stuck with DC1 all week, maybe concern for your dad in rehab - if that is causing stress, please seek support.

speakout · 23/06/2018 19:46

You sound very stressed OP.

The shoes are not important.

NicoleLorenzo · 23/06/2018 19:48

So, he forgot the shoes, realised, came back for the shoes, didn't answer rightly so because he was driving, and you're mad at him because? Just because you are 8 weeks pregnant doesn't mean everyone else around you had to be absolutely perfect and not dare make a mistake in case they just so happen to upset YOU. Massive overreaction. I think you probably need to apologise to him, not the other way round.

The tiredness is shit, I've just been through it and could've strangled my other half at times, but I refrained! I'm an adult, it's just what you do.

speakout · 23/06/2018 19:50

OP how important are the shoes to your father?

speakout · 23/06/2018 19:53

Because if your father does not care too much about the shoes then those who love him at the wedding won't give two hoots if he turns up in sneakers- they will just be happy to see him- and to see him and happy to see him recovering from his injury.

DashingRed · 23/06/2018 19:59

I'm sorry to be blunt but I have to agree with a PP - why have another baby when things are so stressful and you never get a break from your DS?

Your resentment towards your husband is going to dramatically increase when you have a newborn and a toddler.

AcrossthePond55 · 23/06/2018 20:03

I understand you were upset, but if it were me, I'd have been so relieved when DH came back that I didn't have to make that drive that I could have gone on with my relaxation time.

We all get upset at things. But I think you need to work on being able to calm yourself down.

KittyHawke80 · 23/06/2018 20:06

I ardently hope 92 is your lucky number and not your birth year. If you’re reslly 25/26 and you’re this neurotic now, about to have two under two, then I genuinely fear for you and DH.