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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so angry that DH just doesn't get why he upset me?

65 replies

StackingCups92 · 23/06/2018 15:35

I have a 1 year old DS and I am 8 weeks pregnant. The tiredness has been awful, so I am trying to nap during the day when possible.
We have my DSC this weekend. On Saturday afternoon, we always go to visit my Dad in rehab, where he is recovering from a brain injury. I see my Dad during the week, and just felt like I needed a break this afternoon, so DH has gone with the 3 DC.
He was supposed to take some smart shoes to my Dad, for a wedding on Monday, which were ready by the door. My Dad is an hour away. About 20 minutes after they all left I notice they left the shoes. It is really important that he gets them, and no one else lives near us to drop them off, and we won't have another oppurtunity to drop them off in time.
I go into panic, thinking I'm gonna have to drive there, so there goes my break! I try calling DH before I leave, non stop. His DC are 9 and 12, so one of them could have answered. My thinking is if he answers, he can turn around and I can meet him halfway, or he can just drive home. No answer.
So I am in a real state because I just need my break! I get in the car and DH turns up. He gets funny because I am in such a state, not getting why I am so upset. I told him I just needed a break and getting into such a state of worry has ruined it. He didn't do it on purpose, I know, but all I needed was an apology, or even just an acknowledgement of how upset I was. He works away all week, and we don't live near any family, so I literally never get a break from DS. I am just so angry at him for not getting why I am so upset. AIBU?

OP posts:

speakout · 23/06/2018 20:11

OP was it wise to have a 4th child?

KittyHawke80 · 23/06/2018 20:13

In fairness, two are SC, I think.

happypoobum · 23/06/2018 20:19

YABU

Do your DSC really have to visit your father every time they visit, or do you usually visit your father without them?

ScrubTheDecks · 23/06/2018 20:21

Hopefully you have calmed down, chilled out and managed to get a rest.

Your DH is being a bit of a star, really, driving a 2 hour round trip with his kids and the baby to visit your Dad when he works away all week. And added 40 mins to his journey coming back for the shoes.

Easy to forget shoes when getting 2 kids and a baby into the car.

And... shoes, you know? People will know your Dad has been ill, and won’t fuss about his shoes.

You over-reacted and sabotaged your own rest.

SoyDora · 23/06/2018 20:23

He works away all week, and we don't live near any family, so I literally never get a break from DS

What about when he naps?

WindsweptNotInteresting · 23/06/2018 20:23

happypoobum I thought this too - the SC have to visit OP's dad every week, even when the OP doesn't go, rather than spending quality time with their dad...

OP, I think you are being unreasonable. I get that you're tired, but taking it out on your DH who doesn't appear to have done anything wrong is unfair.

LittlePaintBox · 23/06/2018 20:23

YABU, as others have said.

It sounds like you got into a highly anxious state about something which in the scheme of things, is quite unimportant. I agree with the pp who suggested talking to your GP or other health professional about how you're coping emotionally.

I suffer from anxiety, and it's very easy not to notice that your reactions are OTT.

midnightmisssuki · 23/06/2018 20:26

Sorry OP YABU. I was like you with the toddler and the pregnancy (I had HG too so was very worn out). It’s shoes - he came back. what’s the issue??

CookPassBabtridge · 23/06/2018 20:29

Total overreaction, you need to say sorry to him and then take more time for yourself in general.

lhastingsmua · 23/06/2018 20:35

I think you’re quite dramatic as you didn’t really ‘do’ anything but make a few phone calls and get into the car by sounds of it. You could have left a text to come back and pick the shoes up and let him take it from there.

Calling ‘non stop’ is ridiculous, especially as he was driving so you were very aware that he wouldn’t answer the phone - he probably came back because he thought it was an emergency!

RVPisnomore · 23/06/2018 20:43

YABVU, it was a mistake not worth getting so dramatic over it.

QuoadUltra · 23/06/2018 20:45

You are being unreasonable.

kaytee87 · 23/06/2018 20:47

YABVU, if you can't cope with one child then why plan a second?

Oh do fuck off.

Op I do think you were being a little bit unreasonable but I understand why. I felt like I had the flu for the first 14 weeks of my pregnancy constant nausea/sickness and bone crushing tiredness - and that was without a toddler to look after.

BoxsetsAndPopcorn · 23/06/2018 20:49

I ardently hope 92 is your lucky number and not your birth year. If you’re reslly 25/26 and you’re this neurotic now, about to have two under two, then I genuinely fear for you and DH

It is the OPs age, she openly states in another post she was 19 when she had an affair with her DH and he left a wife and two children for her.

Those two childen now don't even appear to get quality time with their dad as they have to visit a non relative and sit in the car for a while to do so.

kaytee87 · 23/06/2018 20:50

Also I'm sorry about your dad, that can't be easy My dad has been very unwell recently (in fact until last month they said he was terminal), and it uses up a lot of your mental energy.

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