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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so upset?

65 replies

flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 20:52

This may be slightly long but please bear with me. I'm giving the background for context.

Around April 2016 I agreed to a date with a friend I'd known for a couple of years. It went well and we kissed. Twenty minutes after we kissed he announced he had a girlfriend and had been with her for six months. Naturally, I said I was leaving and as it was a good day I decided to walk back home (about twenty minutes walk) he had to get a taxi back to where he lived but ordered it from my street so walked back with me.

On the way back he started saying he needed to wee and when we got to the bottom of my street he kept asking to come to my house to use the loo. I refused and pointed him in the direction of the nearby park. He kept insisting he came to my house and I kept refusing. He didn't know my exact address just the street name.

As he was waiting for a taxi and I didn't want him to follow me home I waited with him and the end of the street. In that time I made it clear I didn't want to be his friend anymore because that level of deception concerned me and I no longer trusted him. He wasn't happy about it but agreed to delete my number and not contact me again.

I removed him from all social media.

Since then he has made multiple new accounts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat etc and changed his number three times and messaged me on WhatsApp. The first attempt to contact me again was three days after agreeing not to. His reason was wanting to know if I'd calmed down and seen reason. He tries to contact me every three/four months for about a week each time.

Naturally, that blatant ignoring of my boundaries and my feelings means that whenever I get a new form of communication from him I automatically block that account and it always disappears from that platform after a day or so.

Fast forward this week: I recieved a notification saying he had tried to message me on Instagram. I went on and saw the message request and the message preview showed "hello" as I clicked on the message in order to block the account a video popped up of him really aggressively fucking a woman. I didn't watch the full video but I saw a few seconds due to pure shock. After closing the video I saw his accompanying messages "See what you're missing? Any time you want it let me know" was one of them.

I don't know why but it's really upset and made me feel really uncomfortable/intimidated - AIBU? Please feel free to tell me to grow up and get a grip I think I need it.

Thank you for reading through all of this.

OP posts:
flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 20:54

I did write that in paragraphs. I am so sorry for the huge block of text

OP posts:
Mymouthgetsmeintrouble · 22/06/2018 20:55

I would report him to the police

Rachie1973 · 22/06/2018 20:55

Please feel free to tell me to grow up and get a grip I think I need it.

I'm so laid back about things that people can get quite pissed off with me.

But this! No.... it's not YOU that needs to adjust your behaviour and emotions, its him! I don't actually know what to suggest.

I think other people are better versed in stalking etc than I am, and perhaps someone can advise you on how to proceed.

Definitely don't think it's you though!!

user1493413286 · 22/06/2018 21:00

That’s awful and definitely harassment. Report to the police and well done for not allowing him into your house!

Notthatwomanagain · 22/06/2018 21:04

Bloody hell no way are you over reacting that is truly horrible

I’d be very upset

You need to contact the police
Call 111 and talk them thru it all- it is harassment and stalking.
And that is a sinister turn it has taken

Hopefully they will have a word and scare him off

So sorry you have had to deal with this shit.

ReggieKrayDoYouKnowMyName · 22/06/2018 21:05

Jesus no, that’s harrassment. Report to the police.

Starlighter · 22/06/2018 21:05

That’s so awful! He’s harassing you and his behaviour is persistent and intimidating. Report to the police. Keep a diary of everything.

Sharkwithknees · 22/06/2018 21:05

I'm very un-prudish but this is horrendous!! And I very much doubt the lady at the 'receiving end' would be too happy about this being shared, which is also a crime! Report the fucker, I'm pretty sure the police will take this VERY seriously

Stormwhale · 22/06/2018 21:07

Absolutely contact the police.

I think you had a really close call ther3 op and I shudder to think what would have happened if you had allowed him into your home. He is clearly unhinged as well as sexually aggressive/possibly violent.

Please be careful and definitely speak to the police.

CherriesAndLemonade · 22/06/2018 21:07

YANBU thats awful. Log it with the police and keep details recorded of contacts he's made so you have a case against him. You may be able to get an injunction against him. I would think they would class this as harassment and stalking. Flowers

RachelfromFriends · 22/06/2018 21:07

No no! This is frightening. Put steps in place now to get support to keep him away. he is unhinged

Jonbb · 22/06/2018 21:08

He appears to have no boundaries and what he has done is harassment and are criminal acts plus his latest is a criminal act too. He should be reported and a complaint of harassment made as I doubt he will go away without being leaned on.

NotTakenUsername · 22/06/2018 21:09

Oh my god, op. You were very savvy to not let him into your house. That story could have a whole other ending. Sad

I would contact the police and ask for advice about it.

What a terrible person.

Butterflykissess · 22/06/2018 21:13

how was he your friend of a few yearrs if he didnt know where you lived? or didnt know he had a gf? was he an "online friend"? anyway definitely report.

Ellendegeneres · 22/06/2018 21:14

It’s like he’s trying to frighten you into submission- like ‘look what an aggressive ‘man’ I am, now do as I say and have sex with me’.

I’m not afraid to say it (as someone who’s been attacked) but it’s like he’s lying in wait, waiting for you to be free to attack. That scares the fuckery out of me, and I don’t mean to do the same to you. I’d be reporting him to the police and asking to have an alarm fitted at home just in case

lilypotter88 · 22/06/2018 21:16

YANBU and do not need to grow up..... you handled the situation maturely - he sounds hideous and I agree that you should report him to the police. That's disgusting behaviour and also, that girl in the video deserves to know what he's using their video for!
Hope you're ok xx

hasanyoneseenbarb · 22/06/2018 21:16

Definitely report him to the police. The way he was walking you home sounds eerie and the videos sent sound like he is unhinged. Be sure to make the police aware of this as hopefully they will given him a warning also.

SparklyMagpie · 22/06/2018 21:17

Thank god you refused to let him anywhere near your house let alone in it !!

I'm also agreeing with the majority of posters, I'd be reporting him

He doesn't sound normal Confused

SparklyMagpie · 22/06/2018 21:18

And if you haven't, I know it's upsetting but keep anything he's sent you,so you have a lot of it incase you need to use it x

LizB62A · 22/06/2018 21:25

Report him to the police.

ShawshanksRedemption · 22/06/2018 21:27

This guy has been trying to contact you for 2 years. I don't think he's going to give up and it's escalated with the video he sent. You need to report this to the Police so he gets the message that this is serious and he needs to stop.

I'm so sorry OP, must have been awful to receive that message. Hope you are OK. Flowers

Kerrylou92 · 22/06/2018 21:29

Erm I actually have no words!!!

Girl this has nothing to do with you! You don't need to get a grip!
Fuck me that mans is crazy! You definitely need to report him! Keep all his messages maybe even message back saying. I asked you to leave me alone please respect that. (Just so you have prove you asked him to, not that you need it) but yeh keep all his message and get him done for harassment!

IntelligentYetIndecisive · 22/06/2018 21:29

YADNBU.

You do not need to get a grip.

Report this to the police.

Anon12345ABC · 22/06/2018 21:30

"how was he your friend of a few yearrs if he didnt know where you lived? or didnt know he had a gf? was he an "online friend"? anyway definitely report."

this

WigglyBlossom · 22/06/2018 21:30

Call the police.

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