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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so upset?

65 replies

flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 20:52

This may be slightly long but please bear with me. I'm giving the background for context.

Around April 2016 I agreed to a date with a friend I'd known for a couple of years. It went well and we kissed. Twenty minutes after we kissed he announced he had a girlfriend and had been with her for six months. Naturally, I said I was leaving and as it was a good day I decided to walk back home (about twenty minutes walk) he had to get a taxi back to where he lived but ordered it from my street so walked back with me.

On the way back he started saying he needed to wee and when we got to the bottom of my street he kept asking to come to my house to use the loo. I refused and pointed him in the direction of the nearby park. He kept insisting he came to my house and I kept refusing. He didn't know my exact address just the street name.

As he was waiting for a taxi and I didn't want him to follow me home I waited with him and the end of the street. In that time I made it clear I didn't want to be his friend anymore because that level of deception concerned me and I no longer trusted him. He wasn't happy about it but agreed to delete my number and not contact me again.

I removed him from all social media.

Since then he has made multiple new accounts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat etc and changed his number three times and messaged me on WhatsApp. The first attempt to contact me again was three days after agreeing not to. His reason was wanting to know if I'd calmed down and seen reason. He tries to contact me every three/four months for about a week each time.

Naturally, that blatant ignoring of my boundaries and my feelings means that whenever I get a new form of communication from him I automatically block that account and it always disappears from that platform after a day or so.

Fast forward this week: I recieved a notification saying he had tried to message me on Instagram. I went on and saw the message request and the message preview showed "hello" as I clicked on the message in order to block the account a video popped up of him really aggressively fucking a woman. I didn't watch the full video but I saw a few seconds due to pure shock. After closing the video I saw his accompanying messages "See what you're missing? Any time you want it let me know" was one of them.

I don't know why but it's really upset and made me feel really uncomfortable/intimidated - AIBU? Please feel free to tell me to grow up and get a grip I think I need it.

Thank you for reading through all of this.

OP posts:
MyAuntyBadger · 22/06/2018 22:07

That's awful, op, anyone would be upset by that. I'd be surprised if he isn't already known to the police. Flowers

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 22/06/2018 22:10

police. listen. 90% or something crazy of women are raped and murderer by their boyfriends and husbands.....this guy is def. on the crazy side of crazy. Do not question your gut.

category12 · 22/06/2018 22:16

So glad you didn't let him go to your house. He sounds a threat to you, consider going to the police.

BoomBoomsCousin · 22/06/2018 22:16

Police.

Don'tworry about the "lack of evidence". Tell them what has happened so far. Tell them you find it really distressing. Ask them what they can do, what you should do and if you need to start treating his attempts to contact you differently so that you can have evidence for further action.

GreenTulips · 22/06/2018 22:21

Get a second devise and record messages as you open them

Report him

I reported a similar video sent to a child

Can he pin point your house via Snapchat etc?

Ring 111 and speak to an officer and get it logged of nothing else

sociopathsunited · 22/06/2018 22:23

Police. He's harassing and stalking you.

Another thought - is it even legal for him to send you sexually explicit media content without your consent? Surely that's a form of sexual abuse. For that matter, did he have the consent of his partner? Did she even know she was being filmed??? If she did, it's unlikely she'd be happy about it being shared around.

What a slimeball....

He's no loss, I can tell you that.

Chickoletta · 22/06/2018 22:30

Another vote for the police straight away.

Basta · 22/06/2018 22:31

I don't know why but it's really upset and made me feel really uncomfortable/intimidated - AIBU?

You don't know why?? Because his behaviour is threatening, intimidating and absolutely unacceptable, that's why. It's designed to make you feel uncomfortable and intimidated.

I agree with everyone else who is recommending that you report this to the Police. Thank goodness you didn't let him into your house after your date.

Iwantaunicorn · 22/06/2018 22:37

Must admit, reading your OP I honestly thought there was going to be a much more awful outcome from the original night. Well done for not letting him in, or telling him where you actually live!

Agree with PPs, please report him. He sounds dangerous, and YADNBU to be upset, I would be too.

Vixnixtrix1981 · 22/06/2018 22:37

I don't know if it's the same for a video of him having sex, but I contacted the police last year after an ex shared photos of me to weirdos online. One weirdo wouldn't leave me alone and sent me pictures of his dick. Someone sending you an unsolicited dick picture will be prosecuted, can't see how it would be any different with a video like this.

gillybeanz · 22/06/2018 22:39

That's stalking and harassment, he sounds quite scary, I'd inform the Police.
Please be careful who you consider your friend, this was a person you didn't know at all.
Friends know where you live, friends tell friends they have a bf/gf, you'd have known from the start.
He was not a friend.

PeppermintPasty · 22/06/2018 22:58

Wow, how horrible for you, very shocking and aggressive. Please report him, what a wanker. What the hell is wrong with some people?!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 23/06/2018 07:14

You feel intimidated because he wanted you to feel intimidated. Agree with the advice to go to the police.

farter · 23/06/2018 08:37

What a bastard. Report it to the police.

sexnotgender · 23/06/2018 08:52

This is awful! What an absolute prince of a man.

Get yourself to the police ASAP, he's harassing you online and for all you know watching you IRL.

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