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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset?

65 replies

flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 20:52

This may be slightly long but please bear with me. I'm giving the background for context.

Around April 2016 I agreed to a date with a friend I'd known for a couple of years. It went well and we kissed. Twenty minutes after we kissed he announced he had a girlfriend and had been with her for six months. Naturally, I said I was leaving and as it was a good day I decided to walk back home (about twenty minutes walk) he had to get a taxi back to where he lived but ordered it from my street so walked back with me.

On the way back he started saying he needed to wee and when we got to the bottom of my street he kept asking to come to my house to use the loo. I refused and pointed him in the direction of the nearby park. He kept insisting he came to my house and I kept refusing. He didn't know my exact address just the street name.

As he was waiting for a taxi and I didn't want him to follow me home I waited with him and the end of the street. In that time I made it clear I didn't want to be his friend anymore because that level of deception concerned me and I no longer trusted him. He wasn't happy about it but agreed to delete my number and not contact me again.

I removed him from all social media.

Since then he has made multiple new accounts on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat etc and changed his number three times and messaged me on WhatsApp. The first attempt to contact me again was three days after agreeing not to. His reason was wanting to know if I'd calmed down and seen reason. He tries to contact me every three/four months for about a week each time.

Naturally, that blatant ignoring of my boundaries and my feelings means that whenever I get a new form of communication from him I automatically block that account and it always disappears from that platform after a day or so.

Fast forward this week: I recieved a notification saying he had tried to message me on Instagram. I went on and saw the message request and the message preview showed "hello" as I clicked on the message in order to block the account a video popped up of him really aggressively fucking a woman. I didn't watch the full video but I saw a few seconds due to pure shock. After closing the video I saw his accompanying messages "See what you're missing? Any time you want it let me know" was one of them.

I don't know why but it's really upset and made me feel really uncomfortable/intimidated - AIBU? Please feel free to tell me to grow up and get a grip I think I need it.

Thank you for reading through all of this.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 22/06/2018 21:35

Another in the chorus of report to the police.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO OUT UP WITH THIS!

Slightlyjaded · 22/06/2018 21:35

POLICE

mummytippy · 22/06/2018 21:36

Definitely report it to the Police.
I doubt he needed to use the toilet that day...
God Knows what his intentions were/are and the woman in the video
might not have known she was being filmed :-O

NicoleLorenzo · 22/06/2018 21:38

YANBU. You poor thing. This actually sounds quite scary. I would absolutely report to the police and make sure you let a few close people around you know. Just in case he decides to turn up or do anything silly. He may not but you need to be prepared for some really strange behaviour that escalates and escalates. I've had a stalker before and it was the worst experience of my life so far. Hugs OP Thanks

Original poster
flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 21:38

He knew the area I was from and whereabouts vaguely but not in enough detail to pinpoint my house. We always met somewhere between our homes.

In regards to the girlfriend none of our mutual friends knew either. He never mentioned one, he was talking about going on dating apps etc. He just didn't tell anyone until randomly mid date.

My only worry with going to the police is that becayse everything comes from new accounts and the accounts disappear there is no link to show the accounts or how long this has been going on for. The video was sent as a "one view" so once I clicked off it it had disappeared. So I feel I'd just look stupid?

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 22/06/2018 21:38

Log it with the police!

He is stalking you over time.
He is harassing you.
And now he has sent you this vile video ... I feel sorry for the woman in it. I'm sure she doesn't know he is 'sharing' their, erm, sex session with others over the internet/email/?...

Passmethecrisps · 22/06/2018 21:38

I have colleagues I would class as friends who wouldn’t know where I lived.

This is a hideous situation and you do not need a grip. You need to call the coppers and report the massive bell end

Passmethecrisps · 22/06/2018 21:39

And don’t you be worrying about his methods - that’s for the police to deal with. He won’t be the first persistent arsehole with numerous social media accounts they have come across

Original poster
flamingomonkey · 22/06/2018 21:40

Thank you all for your messages of support and for reassuring me I'm not mental or over reacting. So sorry that so many of you have experienced this :(

OP posts:
NicoleLorenzo · 22/06/2018 21:41

He's probably also committed a crime by sharing a video of a sexual act with another woman. She may not have consented to having this shared. It's illegal.

TheBigFatMermaid · 22/06/2018 21:43

As well as all the above, I am pretty sure the lady concerned would not have consented to the video being shared with you, so that in itself is an offence they would be interested in.

EduCated · 22/06/2018 21:45

Please at least speak to the police for advice. That it is bloody awful.

numptynuts · 22/06/2018 21:45

Re multiple account, I think the police can track the IP address for some social media.
Report him.

Jimmers · 22/06/2018 21:45

Don’t worry about the different accounts... the police should be able to track him via the IP address.
I’m with the others. This definitely needs reporting!
Sorry you’re being harassed like this. Really unpleasant for you!

JELLYFISHANDCHIPS · 22/06/2018 21:46

Go to the police

CherriesAndLemonade · 22/06/2018 21:48

The police have ways of tracking deleted stuff. He may have already done this to someone else and they may already beaware of him. Even if you just go to them for advice you have nothing to lose. It's best before it escalates. They even just have a chat with him about it which might be enough to give him the shits and stop him! Don't be a sitting duck please do something OP. ( meant in the nicest of ways)

Melliegrantfirstlady · 22/06/2018 21:49

I would actually come off social media for a few months. I’d also change my name!

nocoolnamesleft · 22/06/2018 21:51

Police.

Fuckwithnosensesauce · 22/06/2018 21:52

God only knows how this man might have behaved if you had let him use the toilet. Well done for recognising the danger.

BlueJava · 22/06/2018 21:55

Please write everything down - dates, names used to contact, what you've seen and talk to the police. So sorry you have to go through this.

MrsTorrence · 22/06/2018 22:01

I agree contact the police at least then there is a record of it. Have you told your friends?

Dragongirl10 · 22/06/2018 22:03

Oh op you have had such a lucky escape, l can just imagine what would have happened if you had let him into your house, thank god you were savvy enough not to.

He is dangerous and this may escalate, please report even if it is just what you have told us with dates.....and be very careful when you are out try and not be alone, watch you are not followed etc.

You are NOT over reacting.

JoBrodie · 22/06/2018 22:05

Yikes, awful behaviour towards you. Definitely recommend reporting to the Police and I'm sorry you've experienced this.

I agree with everyone else that it doesn't matter if you can't record everything, but it would probably be very helpful to record what you can. For example you could write down dates and times, platform (Twitter, Fb etc), username and any of the message's content. If you're able to do so you could also take screenshots (howtodotechystuff.wordpress.com/2016/10/16/taking-a-screenshot/) and either save them to attach to emails to the Police or print them. You can also save copies of pages - I've written a fairly detailed blog post (howtodotechystuff.wordpress.com/2015/07/18/forensic-twitter/) about capturing information but I'm not a lawyer so don't know how reliable it would be in a court situation.

I've never used Snapchat but I understand that if you take a screenshot of a message the sender is able to see that you've done this. That may be a risk but may also be worth it to capture the info in the message and any information about its origin.

Good luck
Jo

EduCated · 22/06/2018 22:07

On social media sites you may be able to view a list of the accounts you’ve blocked.

Whitesea · 22/06/2018 22:07

I would not message him to say 'stop contacting me' . You have ignored him for TWO years. A message from you will ignite him to act even more crazily. Go to the police and follow their instructions. They might ask you to message him 'for the record' but do so under their instructions only. And please go to the police. This man sounds dangerous. If you have mutual friends in common, surely he has tried to link various bits of information together to get a bigger picture of you and your vague address may not be so vague. Go to the police! Please.

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