Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To find this sad?

81 replies

AnyLondoner · 22/06/2018 13:36

DD is 4 and DS is 5, 6 in September. DD is such a sweet and caring girl, so considerate. Anything she gets, she always makes sure she shares it with DS, and if she can’t share, she will ask why DS is not having any. The other day we were in Poundland, and she wanted this pink toy, she also immediately reached out for the blue version for DS. Anything you give her, she wants to share it with DS, if she gets home and DS is not home, she always asks for him.

DS on the other hand will NEVER share anything with DD unless he’s told to, never asks for DD if he gets home before her. He will literally walk into the living room, sit down and eat his snack and won’t even notice she’s not there.

I’m gonna start redecorate the house soon, and I asked them if they wanted to share a bedroom. DS immediately says NO with angry face, and DD said yes.

I know that deep down he does love his sister and he’s just a child, but it just sad to see and hear how much DD cares for him and always thinking of him, and he doesn’t seem to care for her.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 22/06/2018 15:21

YABU to be sad over this.
It's partly an age thing, partly a personality thing.
However, it is very, very normal and nothing to be upset over.

LemonJ · 22/06/2018 15:21

Please don't stress about the pink/blue comments that have been made. It doesn't matter* x

Why doesn't it matter??? FFS it really bloody matters

mrsb06 · 22/06/2018 15:24

It's not a non issue though. When little girls think that pink is for them and blue is not their choices around everything become limited because of marketing and what is aimed at them. Wake up!

Yeah...I think you need to re-read the thread, in which the OP was seeking advice regarding the behaviour of her DS towards her DD. You've offered no practical advice, simply come on here to waste your time bashing the OP about her daughter choosing a pink Poundland toy. Wake up!

Trinity66 · 22/06/2018 15:24

Perhaps he is picking up on the fact that you clearly prefer his sister.

Is there really any need to be so nasty? ffs

Thehop · 22/06/2018 15:26

Leahjack is right, it’s common with lderycodren as they e already had to share parents.

MotherofKitties · 22/06/2018 15:27

LemonJ - It may matter to you, but it doesn't to me. Some girls like pink, some don't. It's not an issue. That's the joy of having the right to a different opinion

BlueSapp · 22/06/2018 15:28

Christ people, kids are allowed to like pink!!!

My smallest two are the opposite DD2 DS4 , they are always looking for each other and sharing and running round together playing games.

I'd say try and encourage him, to show him shes not an annoyance but his friend to play with.

BastardGoDarkly · 22/06/2018 15:29

Jesus fucking wept.... he's picking up on the fact you clearly prefer his sister

Op, it's a bit sad when the eldest doesn't feel the same adoration as the youngest, but it's totally normal.

rainbowstardrops · 22/06/2018 15:30

I'd imagine he knows exactly who his Mum's favourite is and resents her

I despair.

Juells · 22/06/2018 15:34

I got a lump the size of a duck egg on my forehead when my older brother threw a rock at me to stop me trailing after him when I was four. On top of that, I was warned that when I got home I'd better say I fell over and bumped my head. That's life. Children don't see things the same way that adults do.

I think I'd try to make her a bit less needy and caring about him though. Most children get the message if someone isn't being nice to them in return, tell her not to bother.

CloudCaptain · 22/06/2018 15:38

Actually it's kind of normal for a bit of indifference. However, I work hard on reinforcing the siblings my bond between my two. I try to point out positives to each of them and try not compare them to each other at all. So when dd gives ds a toy, I wouldn't say 'oh look how sweet of dd to give you the toy, why can't you be more like dd and share?' imagine how this statement might make you feel.
I also try to tell them how lovely it is to have each other and how special they are to each other.

whenshewasgood · 22/06/2018 15:40

i think it reflects differing personality types - I've got one that hates sharing (elder one) and one that is happy to share and naturally collaborates and takes care of people. birth order may be a factor and personality.

It's a bit sad, but it's nature. I do agree that you can try to probably reinforce the other tendency where you can though - DS needs to recognize emotions/people being nice, and your DD has the makings of a people pleaser and agree with the comments about her really thinking about whether she wants to do something.

I hate the pink/blue police too - I've got 2 girls, one is like a magpie and was having tantrums about picking her own (pink and sparkly) clothes at age 2, and another one who could not care less. Same parents. The grief and looks I get about the elder one's princess tendencies.

Elsi3 · 22/06/2018 15:41

My god, AIBU to find it sad that nobody seems to be able to ask a genuine question on this site without having their post ripped to shreds.

This site is great and informative in so many ways, but sometimes I literally despair...

kissthealderman · 22/06/2018 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/06/2018 15:42

It's a normal state of affairs.

I have 2 DSs with a 5y age gap - DS1 adored DS2 when he was still an immobile baby, but as soon as he became mobile and could go after DS1's toys, he became more annoying.

DS2 idolises DS1. He follows him everywhere, wants to play all the same things as him, wants to be with him.
DS1 finds this really annoying now, especially because it is a bigger age gap.

Sometimes it's painful to hear the way DS1 dismissses DS2, but I try to make allowances for the annoyance level (I was also the oldest child) - and then sometimes I have to say to DS1 that he is being unkind and wouldn't like it if someone did that to him.

My boys get on better than I did with my siblings so I hope that as they grow up they will still be friends, but there are some "ouch" moments along the way, for sure.

ArmySal · 22/06/2018 15:46

This thread is like a parody of how some make MN out to be, but it's actually here in all its glory.

Pink and blue debate? ✅
OP doesn't love her child, from a small opening post... ✅

It's just his age OP, it'll come soon enough.

Witchend · 22/06/2018 15:47

I got on very well with my dsis… except when sharing a room with her.

But what you've got is a vicious cycle really:
She gets toy for herself and chooses one for him. She gets praised, so she'll do it again.
He perhaps didn't really want that toy and would have chosen something else. So he gets to hear what a wonderful sister he has and how kind she is. He hears ("compared to you" ) added. So he feels resentful because she's praised for getting a toy, and feels if he does the same he'll get a "oh you're doing it because your sister does it and you want praise".

And as an irritating younger sister I can tell you there's nothing more irritating to the older one that the grown ups saying how kind etc you are to the older one. It may not be said, but you know they're contrasting you.

Funnyface1 · 22/06/2018 15:49

I'm not sure why you're getting some stinging responses op.

There are 6 years in my ds and dd and they get on really well. This is because ds is very patient with his little sister, it's just his personality. Dd is more fiesty and would probably have less patience for a younger sibling. So I don't think it's age gap at all, it's just individual personality.

There is nothing wrong with your dd liking pink, lots of girls do, that's where the stereotype came from. My dd loves all her big brothers toys, but also likes pink.

Nothing in your post suggests that you prefer your dd over your ds, people are just nasty.

Juells · 22/06/2018 15:49

@ArmySal

This thread is like a parody of how some make MN out to be, but it's actually here in all its glory.

So fucking what?

ArmySal · 22/06/2018 15:52

So fucking what what?

It's fucking embarrassing, that's what.

Original poster

AnyLondoner · 22/06/2018 15:54

Oh god, most girls like pink. Let's face it, not ALL GIRLS but most girls.

@Witchend I never praised her when she got the blue toy for her brother, I just noticed that she quickly reached out for it.

OP posts:

SugarIsAmazing · 22/06/2018 15:54

Horrid Henry and Perfect Peter spring to mind.

Juells · 22/06/2018 15:54

Embarrassing for whom? Why should posters care if lurkers are judging? Do you think women should tailor what they discuss in case any important MEN are reading, and think we're silly?

SugarIsAmazing · 22/06/2018 15:55

Oh and just my opinion but pink is the best colour ever

neveradullmoment99 · 22/06/2018 15:55

My god, AIBU to find it sad that nobody seems to be able to ask a genuine question on this site without having their post ripped to shreds.

^I agree with this. I feel sad for society and peoples attitudes. Its sad that someone cannot come on here to discuss the behaviour of her son and end up with an argument over pink and blue!!!

Flip

1 2 3 4

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread