...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?

[Legbreak]

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

[sar302]

Mine and my husband's standard line to each other at home, when the baby is being irritating, is "What a dick".

We love him dearly, and obviously we know he's just being a baby, but it means we're able to put up with it with humour, instead of being pissed off.

We're stuffed when he learns to talk 🤔 Will almost definitely have to switch to hand gestures then...

[IIIustriousIyIIlogical]

I do it to my kids and am doing it right now to some of the sanctimonious posters on here..........

[JJS888]

Usually I find MN mum's a bit precious but this is disgusting and abusive. Anyone who thinks that's ok should replace a gesture with a word or action.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Wolfie, that reminded me of when poor old FiL (with dementia) was driving us both utterly mad - same question 30 times in one hour, etc.

My normally incredibly good and patient Dh took a carving knife from the drawer and making a comedy-deranged-psycho face, made as if to plunge it into FiL's back.
I nearly wet myself laughing. (FiL was completely unaware).
Sometimes you just have to relieve your feelings.

[Ohmydayslove]

Ha ha op it’s a release of feelings and fine. I often did this to my teenagers and offen got caught and then pretended I hadn’t done it. it often diffused a situstion to be honest and we ended up laughing.

[gimmestrengf]

YANBU

[TheSausageEmperor]

YANBU. I imagine plenty of folk here would be offended by this then?

[corythatwas]

Dh and I are actually known among dc's friends as calm, sensible parents who can be relied on not to overreact. The way we managed that was partly by making signs at each other behind their backs. Not nastiness, just a mutual recognition that we were allowed to feel frustrated. And yes, as teens they sometimes caught me & it became a bit of a joke.

[Bearfrills]

SausageEmperor I've been known to sing that to the baby

[corythatwas]

Wasn't the finger but other sign of frustration. Far less scary for dc (who never caught us when they were little) than mummy bursting into tears or screaming at them. Always accompanied with humorous shrug, job was to reinforce to dh and me that yes, this is bloody frustrating but we are both dealing with it together, both seeing the same thing and we will be able to handle it.

[IIIustriousIyIIlogical]

Usually I find MN mum's a bit precious but this is disgusting and abusive. Anyone who thinks that's ok should replace a gesture with a word or action.

FFS - what word or action??

Say "Dont' be a Cunt"?
A slap around the face?

Or how about just relieving the tension with a gesture that they don't see - very much like the one I'm making at the screen now....

[KittyKlaws]

Oh I do it all the time with my teenager when he's grumping about some terrible thing I have made him do (have a shower, brush teeth, get changed you know basic hygiene) I'm usually in another room so he doesn't see ... He may suspect though and do it back

[Allthewaves]

If it keeps u sane. My 5 and 7 yr old just dicovered middle finger (sigh)

[LeahJack]

I’m imagine if an OP caught their DH doing this the reaction would be?

I think it shows an inability to control anger myself.

[KittyKlaws]

I think if you genuinely want to know, it's quite sad and shows a lack of respect for your child. Yes, kids can be very annoying and frustrating. But I can't see what you gain from this and so I'm with your sister on this.

Honestly Italian it isn't me lacking respect for him, it's me trying not to shout. I love him dearly and he knows it, I think if he caught me he'd laugh rather than feel disrespected. Obviously you feel differently and I respect that but I don't feel I'm being disrespectful to my child and I know him well enough to know he wouldn't feel that way either.

[KittyKlaws]

I’m imagine if an OP caught their DH doing this the reaction would be?

I wouldn't care. It is a gesture not violence.

[Sequencedress]

My kids are older and will do it to me (in jest, usually while I tickle them and tell them they're grounded FOREVER!!!!!!) so even if they do see you doing it, it's fine.
if it's the worst thing my kids ever do then I'm fine with it
Relax and enjoy your babies, and when they're being little assholes, give them the finger, get it out of your system, and all will be well
My kids may or may not have learnt the words fuck, asshole, and dick as a result of being in the car with me
The pearl clutchers can calm down too - both exam holding children, very polite to all, help old ladies across the road, etc - they just happen to have a wide vocabulary and springy fingers

[Sequencedress]

And if I caught DH doing it to me? I'd wonder how he got so sloppy - he's been doing it for years without me catching him apparently - usually with a tongue out too! as I do to him!
We've been happily married for teens of years, we just don't take ourselves too seriously!

[Italiangreyhound]

@Legbreak just for the record I don't think you are a bad parent or anything at all of course! I just feel this is inappropriate.

My dd has 'flipped me the bird', which I am guessing is the same as to give the finger, to my face. It felt massively hurtful and disrespectful even though I know she does not really mean it.

@KittyKlaws thank you, it's good to be able to able to agree to disagree and not be accused of pearl clutching!

[SequinsOnEverything]

Sometimes after I leave the room I do it it in dds general direction. Sometimes with a silent "fuck off!" She can never see me, I'm in a different room and it helps me get rid of the anger and move on. I'd never swear at her. She can be a giant pain sometimes (she's 8 with the attitude of a rebellious teen) and I need a release!!

[KarmaStar]

Yes uabu.and immature.

[LuluJakey1]

I admit to flicking the Vs, FFS and sticking my tongue out through the kitchen wall. DH and I have been known to do it too when it is just us and either DS or DD is very demanding one way or another. DD is known between the two of us as 'the little witch' very affectionately- because she is but we never say it when either she or DS are around. DH and I say some awful things in humour in the middle of sleepless nights but they are just in humour. We love both of them to bits.

[YummySushi]

This thread is disturbing

Can’t u instead , reward urself with something everytime they drive u to the brink of frustration ?

U can give urself a star and at the end of the month treat urself based on how many stars ? Lol works for me

[Storm4star]

I’m not going to lie. I’m a bit shocked by this thread. Yes kids can be frustrating but there’s something about this gesture that makes me feel uncomfortable. I just can’t imagine actually directing something so negative to my kids. Even if they can’t see it. I certainly have in my head sworn in general or rolled my eyes maybe. But I am struggling a bit to get my head round the original post and some of the responses!

[Ohmymama]

Would you be fine if they did it behind your back?