To ask if your DC speak 2 languages please share your experience.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

We're currently on holiday with PIL. They claim that DS (11 months) will NEVER speak DH's mothertongue because at home we speak English as a family and it's impossible for a child to speak a parent's language unless it's either the lingua franca of the country they live in OR the language they speak as a family.

What is your experience?

I know a child whose mother speaks to her in one language, father speaks to her in another (his own), she lives in a third language country and is schooled in this third language and finally has picked up English as that is the language her parents use to communicate to each other. So that's four languages without any problems. She's 9 now, but has experience all four languages right from the start.

My kids ONLY speak two languages, one from home and one from school.

experienced, that should have read.

All the bilingual kids I know all learned by one parent speaking one, and the other patent another. It's such a natural way to pick up language.

I speak French to DH and English to my DSes. They go to a French school and socialize entirely in French. I speak French to everyone else.

They are totally bilingual. But it has required a lot of input for English and time. Would be harder if it was only spoken once the parent got home from work. Fortunately we spend a lot of time with English GPs.

DS1 spoke very late and at first only spoke English.

DS2 spoke at a normal age, and was immediately speaking both languages and differentiating who he spoke which language to.

I know I'm going to have to keep insisting they always answer me in English and now DS1 can read in French, I'm going to start teaching him to read and write English.

My dc are trilingual. We speak mostly English at home. THey speak the other languages with their grandparents and go to Saturday school for our mother tongue.

I used to speak my native tongue to my daughter when she was small. Sadly when she went to school, she only wanted to speak 'her language' i.e English. I still speak to her a little in my language and she understands some. English is the language we speak as a family though (the only mutual language for my husband and I). You could do it with your child, but you need to be very dedicated. I found watching TV in my native language really helped because when I hear it, I speak it!

I have a 16 month old dd, we live in England, speak English at home, but dh speaks to her in his mother tongue. She is already understanding in both languages, for example she understands "can I have a kiss", "come here" etc as well as lots of animals etc. As their brains haven't yet established a language they are verrrrrry adaptable, I think she might learn it slower as she is mainly exposed to English, but it's very clear they she is taking it all in.

Hope that helps!

But if you don't live in the country of that language nor use it at home, how is dc ever going to learn it?! Most children who are raised bilingual from birth have a parent who uses a different language with them. Otherwise it is no different to kids learning a language through school or other route e.g. clubs.

12yo DS bilingual. I speak English and a very small amount of the second language. He was educated from age 3 in second language. No other parent so just English spoken at home.

Mine are bilingual. We speak English at home but they are schooled and socialise in other language.

My kid is trilingual just by being around the other 2 through cartoons. As long as it's around they'll pick it up

German/English bilingual DD here.
We are both Germans and speak virtually exclusively German to DD.. She learned English in nursery and speaks it as her main language. She can speak, read and in small amounts write German if she wants. Her passive understanding is 100% apart from the odd word we never use it at home.
Active speaking is better when we are in GErmany or with grandparents. And only properly since she is 4 and we basically forced her by being on holiday with only German speaking children.

If you want your child to speak two languages you need to work on it. You need to practice OPOL,even better if you would speak the non-English language at home. Books, music, TV and lots of visits in DH’s country will also work, especially if yiu can get holidays with other children to play with.

Saturday school, bi lingual nursery or school obviously help but you need to lay the foundation at home.

My DC speak French better than English, even though I have always spoken to them in English. I speak to Dh in French and since they were about five they have also spoken to me in French. I have tried to insist on only English but it has never worked.

They do English at school and are top of the class, communicate well enough with my family when we see them and have good accents but they are not really bilingual.

Does your Dh speak to your Ds in his language? Does he read him stories, sing songs etc? When he's a bit older, cartoons in the minority language will provide valuable input, as will phone/skype with his DGPs, aunts, uncles and cousins.

Ours are bilingual. The standard practice nowadays afaik is for each parent to speak to the DC exclusively in their own mother tongue (and for grandparents to do the same), irrespective of what language school is in, or what language the parents use together. It works for our family.

My DC developed bilingual skills by speaking English at home and living in a country with another language, socialising and studying in it. I have another family member who is taught in language not spoken by either parents and they have learned it well.
What is your DH doing to ensure your DC has access to their second language?

Oh yes, books and TV in both languages help, as does socialising with families in both languages.

My granddaughter is bilingual in English and Turkish. Her mum is Turkish, Dad English and they have always lived in Turkey and use mainly Turkish at home. I visited 3 times a year when she was younger. My son and his dw switch from one language to the other at home. Both of them are English teachers. It is very natural for her to speak either language now.

I am English, DH is other language. Up until two years ago the situation was we lived in Wales and that he spoke to them in his language. They undertood but didn´t speak fluently at all.

Two years ago we moved to his country so they would learn properly. They speak perfectly now. We are just about to go back and I assume we will need to put lots of hard work into both languages.

Some families where one parent isn't a native English speaker manage to raise kids fluent in both languages, others don't. It's not certain - in my view it depends on the temperament of the child.

I have a close friend who is Portuguese, and has tried to raise her English born kids bilingual, but at the age they realised she was speaking a different language to them, they started replying to her in English whenever she spoke Portuguese to them, because they didn't want to be different. They used to be able to understand Portuguese but not speak it, now they can't even really understand it much either.

On the other hand, I have an Iranian friend whose English born daughter speaks fluent Farsi. But that child had a very different, focused attitude, and she loves languages and learning. She put in the time so that she could learn how to write the language as well as speak it. She got an A level in the subject, and spends 6 weeks in Iran every summer, so has a lot of immersion.

So your PILs may be right, or they may be wrong. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.

I speak English to mine, DH in French. DH and I speak French together. Local language is English. Their English is quite far ahead of their French... I may switch to speaking French to them, so that they have more exposure... school and friends will look after their English!

My DC speak two languages, one with much more confidence than the other. My mother tongue is English, DH's is German. We live in Germany. I can speak ok German but only ever speak to DC and DH in English.

I'm afraid I think your PILs have a point. Almost everyone will insist that your DC will 'pick it up'. This is not really true. They might pick up an understanding of the minority language, but to learn to speak it there has to be a need. For example, if your DH was unable to understand English, or if the DC spent lots of time in DH's home country.

My kids have learned English just from me speaking it to them; everyone else including their father has always spoken the local language to them. So that disproves the idea that it’s ‘impossible’.

DC2 speaks it better than DC1, but they are both fluent.

I know plenty of families like ours, with all sorts of languages in the mix and spoken by only one parent. You need to work to ensure that they get a varied vocabulary (plenty of reading aloud etc) so they don’t end up as little mimics of you (or your DH in this case). I was always REALLY careful not to swear when they were little because there was no way I could have denied it was me if they’d started coming out with English swear words!

Your pil s may be right in terms of DC being fluent. Why can't your dh speak Portuguese to him and English to you? Also presumably you could pick up some Portuguese?

I am English and married to DH and live in his country. I have only spoken to the kids in English, he had only spoken to them in his language which they also get at school. DH and i speak in English to each other. The kids speak English fairly well (some vocab missing and some grammatical errors, but still pretty good). The main thing was a) 1parent 1 language and b) I insisted my kids reply to me in English (my DD went through a phase when she was 3 of replying to me in the other language which she heard a lot of as we were living with PILs). I had a painful month of saying 'what is that in English' to her, so after a month she stopped in the other language and only does English to me now. DS (younger) had never done that.