To ask if your DC speak 2 languages please share your experience.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

We're currently on holiday with PIL. They claim that DS (11 months) will NEVER speak DH's mothertongue because at home we speak English as a family and it's impossible for a child to speak a parent's language unless it's either the lingua franca of the country they live in OR the language they speak as a family.

What is your experience?

I agree with Audree, honeybee, I used to say to my kids “Nope, I don’t understand French, you have to ask me in English.” It’s not unlike forcing them to ask for something nicely I suppose; it’s irritating for them in the short term but has long term benefits. They need the practice of forming sentences and actually putting them together so they can build their active knowledge as opposed to just their passive.

I used to make my kids speak to me in English too, but it was easier as for a long time I really didn't always understand everything if they spoke German. Its disapproved of by many bringing children up bilingual - I've seen a lot of talk of "the heart's language" and forcing a language backfiring. It did work for us though.

I've got lazier now about reminding them as I don't always "hear" which language is used any more especially if I've been at work. It's really only the youngest who ever even tries speaking German to me though and dc2 is quite militant about pulling him up even if I didn't register.

I'm English, DH is from NW Wales. He spoke almost exclusively Welsh to our DC growing up (I try to speak ... but not fluent). The kids certainly picked up a lot of Welsh, and would speak it at home. However, as they grew older they very much defaulted to English, especially when their friends were around (it's still like that today at 15 and 17).

The kids spent a few weeks each summer in Wales with cousins, and that helped a lot. I'd say they are very proficient at spoken, but cannot really read or write (I'm better than them).

It's very easy to understand why languages disappear over a generation or two, in the presence of a different language spoken by a majority for school, social, TV, etc

Great to hear so many bilingual families on here.

My understanding is that true bilingualism comes when the brain develops a new language centre for the second language. The ability to do this is lost at around age 11. If the second language is not used the brain will reincorperate the spare bit for another use. A third language centre is possible but to keep it up about 30% of waking time needs to be in each language.

All that being said I agree with the poster who said there are many degrees to languages. Even if DC never become truly bilingual they can become efficient. And that has many benefits.

We do OPOL at home, and both dss are bilingual. Ds1 was late to speak and is slightly behind his age group in both languages, but there is a history of speech delay in the family. Ds2 was much faster, he is also slightly behind in his language skills. Conversations flip between languages but they speak exclusively to dh in French and almost exclusively to me in English (minority language) if we’re having a family conversation they might speak to me in French. With my side of the family, they only speak in English, apart from the odd word, “nus” has replaced us and nous.
Like a pp. we watch tv in English and 90%of bedtime stories are English books.
It has been hard work, and people can be negative about it, I struggled with ds1 until he was 3, he was so frustrated not being able to express himself fully. However, today at 8yo he has an enormous advantage speaking 2 languages and can communicate clearly and fluently in both languages.

Thank you. I've asked them to repeat all the things they said to me today after I translated them. I realise I have to be a bit more proactive and definitely planning on holidays in my home country when they are a bit older.

My parents didn't really persevere with the native language after we moved to the UK, but I understand it fairly well. I think that if you can understand that is in a way more useful than speaking. I am confident when I go to that country that I can deal with situations because I know what's going on. Whereas with languages that I've learned as an adult, I can often say what I want but not understand the reply, which is far more of a problem. Someone who understands can learn to speak quite easily I think. Knowing other languages is so great, I can't understand why it's such a low priority in Britain

“But if you don't live in the country of that language nor use it at home, how is dc ever going to learn it?!”

This.

Either one parent speaks one language and the other parent speaks the other, or you all speak the language of the country you don’t live in at home.

But if you live in an English speaking country and you both speak English to your kids and they will go to an English school, how on earth do you expect them to become fluent in the other language?

(You’re also doing a massive disservice to your child by not speaking the other language to them from birth when they still have the ability to learn it as a native language.)

Interesting, I’ve never heard of the “heart’s language” and Google doesn’t show me much.
I also believe it’s worth persevering. I haven’t heard stories of it backfiring, the only negative experiences I’ve heard of are about learning a language in a school setting, which I suspect, has more to do with the school.