To ask if your DC speak 2 languages please share your experience.

[AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered]

We're currently on holiday with PIL. They claim that DS (11 months) will NEVER speak DH's mothertongue because at home we speak English as a family and it's impossible for a child to speak a parent's language unless it's either the lingua franca of the country they live in OR the language they speak as a family.

What is your experience?

My DC are bilingual.
We live in England, OH is not English, but I also speak his language fluently. We speak his language only at home and with the children. We know that their English is currently slightly behind their peers but will catch up very quickly once in full time school so we don't feel that it's a problem.
We felt that this was the only way dc would achieve fluency and be able to communicate well with family abroad.

They are probably right. DS is having to learn his dad's language as he definitely didn't pick it up naturally as we all spoke English at home.

@mumofaskinnyone you are absolutely right. I read a book on childhood language acquisition that explained that children whose parents read to them regularly (in whatever language) pick up the local language much more quickly when they start school.

We've been living in an English speaking part of the UK until recently so my kids speak English. Now we live in a Gaelic speaking part of the UK and my children will all be educated in Gaelic. I've been trying really hard to speak to them in Gaelic as much as possible. I usually say in Gaelic then say in English then say in Gaelic. I'm so annoyed at myself for not doing it from the beginning. My husband doesn't speak it though so it felt odd. Gaelic tv helps. It'll be fine I'm sure.

We speak English only at home (and live in Scotland) but my dc speak Gaelic via school. They are all fluent in both languages. We do encourage them to speak Gaelic among themselves at home, watch tv and listen to the radio/music.

They're 18, 16 and 14, so have been learning for years.

I have 3 DC with varying levels of being bilingual. I speak English to them but the rest of their lives are in exH’s language. The oldest is completely bilingual - no hint of a foreign accent when she speaks English. The other two have a bit of an accent and the middle child definitely struggles with English more than the other language whereas the youngest is very nearly bilingual. I only ever speak English to them and they know they must reply in English but like many bilingual households random words from the other language creep in.

What I’ve learned from all of this is that it’s not easy to be the only one speaking to them in one language when the rest of their lives are in another but if you are super stubborn about it, it is possible

@AlecorAlonzo (great name by the way!) just saw your post. Gaelic education will really help! We live in a city but they've still picked it up outwit a Gaelic environment (though we do holiday in one).

The parent who speaks the language has to put the work in. I am now in my 40s and speak the language of my parents home country (not perfectly) picked up from speaking to my mother and films in that language. It can be done.

My husband speaks his native language to our children and I speak English. He is fluent in both so it takes quite a bit of effort for him and he is strict about it. It makes family conversation eg around the dinner table quite tricky as I only understand a bit of his language and he speaks really fast. Our eldest is 3 and was slow to pick it up I'd say 8 months behind her English but had recently improved a lot. Most of the TV she watches is in his language. He takes her to Saturday school as well but I think lots of kids tire of this when they are older - I am hoping she will want to continue when she realises that it's the only way she will be able to communicate with her grandparents who still live in his home country and don't speak English

We live in France but only really speak English at home. She'll only pick up the language if somebody speaks it to her obviously.

DC2 was a harder nut to crack. She saw that everyone understood her when she spoke French so couldn't see the point in speaking English. I got an English childminder. So she had to speak English to get what she wanted. Worked a treat as she already understood English.

Recently did some post grad research on this topic so, the academic view is as follows:

Simultaneous language acquisition in early childhood is very, very rare.

The most effective route to childhood bilingualism is having one language spoken in the home and one language spoken outside the home.

Most people become bilingual at school age or as adults.

Your in laws are wrong to use the word never. They are describing the most effective way which, in reality, is incredibly rare. Most people become bilingual when they are older and with a conscious decision to learn or be taught.

Ok so I was brought up speaking english only as back in the Middle Ages it was thought that to introduce a child to two languages would somehow kill them.

So that’s how I was brought up but when gran came into my life at age of 9 and never got to grips with English - we’ll i just picked it up from them when staying with family.

Ds has a df with yet another language but exh screwed up by not speaking to him in that language. What a wasted opportunity.

However ds doing brilliantly at languages as school, even though he cannot recognise his two community languages!

I’d say just do the one parent one language each thing.

My experience is once they start socialising with other children that language can take precedence. Both languages were used in the home but I wasn't very competent and it didn't take long for DD to overtake me. If immersed in either language for more than a few weeks she'd forget temporarily, so constant exposure would be best I'd have thought.

She now spends 50% of the time with ex and mostly using that language, but mostly English with me and at school. DD is 7 so will need encouragement and support to write in her second language. I'd be interested if others found this to hinder development in English temporarily.

She sees herself as a mix of both cultures, which I am extremely proud of and means she can have a good relationships with ex's family, who she visits for 5-6 weeks a year. I can cope with the basics in another 2 languages, so hope she might pick up some more :)

Audiobooks like Enid Blyton or whatever were incredibly rich in vocab. My eldest DC spoke like a 1950s character but my god her English was/is good.

French from me, English from DH and as family language, Swiss German/German at school. My eldest is almost 6 and speaks all 3 with ease (he started bilingual before starting school as he had limited exposure to German but caught up really well after just about a year and a half... The youngest is one and a half and does not speak much yet but very obviously understands both French and English no problem. It's completely doable. (Good idea to supplement with books and cartoons or whatever in the target language)... Daddy needs to get on the case 😉

I've NRTFT but we speak the minority language as a family, OH speaks a dialect go the main language (as do his family) and the kids speak the main language at nursery. As much as they understand the dialect they only say a few phases and I doubt they will ever be fluent without making a special effort to speak it later in life. I'm very glad we speak English as family as I feel it gives them a reason to have to speak it.

(As far as me learning the local language we now speak that as a couple when the kids are in bed or at nursery.)

We do opol. I speak english - the foreign language. Dh speaks local language. Ds has asd which complicates things but he is better at speaking english. He will often speak it to the adults at school. Dd understands everything I say and replies in local language. Confuses the hell out of some people.

Thought some of you may be interested in the following links, especially if you are doing OPOL.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7QekMcJsTE

www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/life-bilingual/201504/one-person-one-language-and-bilingual-children

www.psychologytoday.com/au/blog/life-bilingual/201410/the-languages-you-speak-your-bilingual-child

I know a lot of bilingual and trilingual kids and majority of them aren't fluent in the second language or minority language if you will. Those who are fluent in both have had significant exposure all their lives to both languages. Either by both parents being native speakers and hearing it on TV, music, radio etc. Or long, regular holidays where they've been surrounded by the language. I know of only one or two kids who have picked up the second language fluently with just hearing one parent speak it and occasional relatives or friends. It's not true that kids will just pick it up, it does take effort and also depends on the child itself.

I agree with the grandparents although 'impossible' is obviously a bit extreme.

We are expats. DD2 is bi lingual with English and Mandarin. DD1 is tri-lingual as they spent their first 4 years in The Philippines. DH and I are English and both DCs attend British Schools. Their learning came from full-time, live-in nannies who spoke to them in the language of the country we were in.

As ex pats we know quite a few mixed-language parents and it's common for each parent to speak their mother tongue to the children as frequently as possible.

If you're all speaking English at home and living in England then it would be unlikely for your child to learn another language. Honestly, they're on the back foot by 11 months old.

Wow a lot of reassurance out there!

My son is only 11 months, but he hears English at nursery and our language at home/Skype with GPs/nursery rhymes.

I really really hope he will turn up fine in both as he is a summer baby too so this makes me panic!

Agree with your PIL. Kids (and adults) will go on the path of least resistance; if they can communicate what they want they will stop using their second language. Like it or not, you have to “force” them to use their target language if you want them to be bilingual.
My kids are trilingual. They speak English with friends, go to a French school and we speak our mother tongue at home. Little by little they are losing their native language. Fortunately they are spending their summer holidays with grandparents who don’t speak any other language, so they’ll have no other choice but to practise it.
It can seem mean to make toddlers and preschoolers speak a different language than the one they prefer, but I notice they start to appreciate when they get older.

Kids need two things to become the little sponges: exposure and need.

Around 30% of their waking time should be in the second language - how do you anticipate they’ll get that if your husband doesn’t make the effort?

And need - they’ll most likely only want to practice and use the language if there’s a need to, like to communicate with other kids or family in that language.

If you don’t make the effort with both of these, then imo you’ve needlessly squandered an opportunity to enrich your child’s life and development.

My children speak English at home and I speak English with my DH. They speak Portuguese outside the home. They are fully bilingual but when school and home were both English, they couldn't speak or understand Portuguese and my DH was haphazard useless in his ability to do the OPOL method. The younger ones do make grammatical errors, direct translations and occasionally throw Portuguese words in when they don't know the English word, but they are certainly able to speak fluent English. But I do have to give weekly reading/writing tasks.
If we ever move to an English speaking country again we will reverse and make Portuguese our home language, as I think that's the secret, both languages must be used daily.

Thanks, @weegiemum! Bit obscure so it's nice to know someone got it!

That's good about your kids. I didn't speak much English before I went to school but I didn't do Gaelic at school so my reading and writing are really poor. Sadly, I was in the time before Gaelic medium. My sister (now in her 30s) went through it though and it was a brilliant experience. I was worried about my kids not picking it up but they've been great and next year my eldest is total immersion at school. Almost everyone here speaks at least some so it helps that she hears it a bit outside of the classroom too.