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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sister is sticking her head in the sand

93 replies

ednclouda · 19/06/2018 19:00

AIBU I have come to a cross roads with my older DS she is 65 divorced for 30 years she is due to be made homeless as her ex wants the proceeds from the house he's been paying mortg for 30 years she has a few savings a tiny pension and a few caring jobs no collateral no way on earth to raise a mortg local authority waiting list is 5 years long

myself and dh have tried to advise her in what to do (were not experts) as her kids have almost washed their hands of her she is nearly at the panicking stage but not quite yet

there is no money for solicitors C.A.B
waiting list is 6 months long as well I can't see her out on the streets but what is her next move

I am worried sick

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 19/06/2018 20:56

Whereabouts in the country is she? Could she not afford a park home?

PieAndPumpkins · 19/06/2018 21:13

Sorry I'm not sure I'm following. She'll have 80k to her name, and you think she deserves a council house? You're worried she'll be homeless, can't afford solicitors etc... whilst having 80 THOUSAND in the bank
Is she ill? Is there a reason she can't keep working?

Eliza9917 · 19/06/2018 21:17

Can she stay with you until the money comes through?

combatbarbie · 19/06/2018 21:19

You can't surely chase a financial settlement 30yrs later 😮

Sparrowlegs248 · 19/06/2018 21:27

Homelessness is not means tested so having capital due will not exclude her from making a homeless application. It may well exclude her from the housing register though. With 80k coming she can temt somewhere. The council will almost certainly have the ability to loan her money for a deposit etc, which she relays when she gets the equity.

Troels · 19/06/2018 22:20

80k by me would get her a nice 1 or 2 bed flat/small terrace house depending on the town.

LauderSyme · 19/06/2018 23:34

Why are you still enabling her to be so irresponsible?

I think whether Dsis is being irresponsible or burying her head in the sand, or not, depends on when exactly she'll be literally without a roof over her head?

If it's several months hence, she may know full well what her options are and be perfectly sanguine about moving home.

To be fair to OP her post hardly suggests that - but - is the property already sold and it's new owners actually waiting for vacant possession?

Frannibananni · 19/06/2018 23:44

If they have already done a financial settlement will she automatically still entitled to half or will it be a long costly court process to get it?

Frannibananni · 19/06/2018 23:46

Sorry missed the bit where's he said he would give her half.

GabsAlot · 19/06/2018 23:57

how did he not know she still lived in his house?

anyway shes not going to be homeless she just needs to look at rental options or a retirement place

HeebieJeebies456 · 20/06/2018 00:08

so she'll be getting circa 80k and is 'panicking' she won't be able to afford a roof above her head? Is she on glue?

Why are you still entertaining her dramatics?
She can arrange to remain in the house until completion of the sale or temporarily stay with you.
Then she can use the proceeds to rent privately/housing assoc like many other people do.
once her savings are down to 16k (or whatever the current limit is) she can apply for housing benefit.

she may well never be a 'homeowner' but so what?
That's a privilege,not a right.
She chose to spend the last 30 years doing next to bugger all about her future security and this is the consequence of her choice.

Cornishclio · 20/06/2018 00:12

If they have been divorced 30 years she is unlikely to get much of a pension as the starting point would be 50% of what it was worth when they divorced. She has also had a long time both to build up her own career and decide what to do long term about her own living arrangements and finances.

If her ex gives her half she can privately rent if it is too expensive to buy somewhere. When her savings get down to a certain level and if her income is insufficient to cover rent she should be eligible for housing benefit. She can also try her local authority.

sleepingdragons · 20/06/2018 00:29

Don't advise her to rent and run the money down, that's terrible advice.

She should buy a place.

Where are you?

Here, in Birmingham plus 40 miles - 2,000 properties for £80k or less. Some have 3 beds.

Or, does she want to live in a [[http://www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/find.html?locationIdentifier=REGION%5E162&maxPrice=80000&radius=40.0&includeSSTC=false&mustHave=retirement retirement complex]]? If so, there are nearly 200 of those.

melonscoffer · 20/06/2018 00:29

He didn't know she was living there?
So was the house meant to be empty for thirty years?
Or has she been deceiving him with some cover story?
Poor man.
She will be put into bed and breakfast by the council probably, while they consider her case.
She will have to declare that there is absolutely no one who will take her in. That includes you.

LighthouseSouth · 20/06/2018 00:30

She's paid no mortgage for 30 years and is about to receive £80k?

She doesn't need any help. A reality check perhaps. What has she spent her money on? Careful op, she'll be asking you for money.

melonscoffer · 20/06/2018 00:34

For those who are deliberating on what she can afford, remember that she will need somewhere to live in the interim.
Buying a house takes time, where will she live until between receiving the money from this house and moving in to the next one?
On completion of the sale of her current home she will have to vacate.
That is when she is homeless.
Something needs to be set up before completion , has she the means to do so?

sleepingdragons · 20/06/2018 00:46

She's paid no mortgage for 30 years and is about to receive £80k?

She doesn't need any help. A reality check perhaps.

This!

She'll be fine, as long as she doesn't accept terrible advice like spend her money so the council will help. She doesn't need that kind of help. She needs help house hunting.

There are places on the outskirts of London for £80k, so there will be something not too far from where she is.

Here:

One bed flat, retirement complex in St Paul's Cray, Orpington good transport links into London

Another 1 bed in St Pauls Cray not retirement. Lovely garden.

Park home, Waltham Abbey, Essex some people really like the community of park homes - they have club houses on site and neighbours get to know each other - she might like it. This one is right next to Epping Forest.

Loads more park homes if she'd consider it.

sleepingdragons · 20/06/2018 00:47

That's places in the most expensive part of the UK.

The properties away from London will give here much more for her money.

OP very roughly (as in what county perhaps) do you live in?

sleepingdragons · 20/06/2018 00:49

Then the OP helps her start the search now, she can make an offer once her house is on the market, and exchange once it's sold. What's the problem?

If she needs to stay somewhere for a few weeks, surely her sister can put her up for a very short time?

She can put her stuff into storage.

If she is allowed to dither about and doesn't start searching till the money's in her account, then yes she'll have a problem!

Skittlesandbeer · 20/06/2018 01:02

It’s important your sister starts hearing the truth from other mouths than yours (and her ex). Whatever it takes to get her sitting in various offices, with a notepad (solicitor, council, charity, etc). Pay for good advisors yourself, if you want to get things moving.

They tune out family very quickly. There’s no point going on at her, she’s not listening.

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 20/06/2018 01:04

So what's she been doing for 30 years to prepare for the time she can't sponge any more?

Don't feed into the dramatics OP. There has been some good advice on this thread and all you can do is share it. At some point, your sister has to take some responsibility for herself surely?

FeistyOldBat · 20/06/2018 05:05

At 65 she'd be considered for an equity release mortgage. I got mine through an excellent Equity Release Supermarket adviser. He kept an eye on interest rates (fixed for equity release) and found me a new product after I'd applied for one and been accepted, to get me a better interest rate.

Shiftymake · 20/06/2018 12:04

If the problem is the interim between roofs then bedsits are not a bad option for a short while. But honestly, she does not need to be homeless if she is getting half and it is supposedly at the £80k mark. For a single person there is plenty of options in that price range.

LighthouseSouth · 20/06/2018 12:24

yes a pp said "this is the point at which she is homeless". no, lots of people have a gap in that point. It doesn't make us homeless.

She needs to find a bedsit, a B&B etc, OP says she has savings, pension, a bit of work.

if she hasn't feathered her nest the last 30 years with a mortgage paid, it's bizarre. If even her DC have washed their hands of her, I imagine she's been asking them for it too. Where have her earnings gone?

juneau · 20/06/2018 12:32

If she's going to get £80k from the sale of the house then how is she going to be homeless? She will easily be able to afford either rent or some kind of shared ownership scheme or mortgage. OP I really think you should step back and let her handle this. She's been naive and really rather pathetic about the whole thing, but that doesn't mean that it's your responsibility to sort out. Why do you feel you have to step in? She's an independent 65-year-old woman who has been managing her own affairs for 30 years! I'd leave her to it.

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