To ask you how you deal with intrusive questions

[Beadoren]

Eg.
Do you buy or rent?
How do you afford that?
Why did you and your partner split up?
How old where you when you had your children?
Was the third planned?
And who will be looking after the children while you go and do x? Will you manage?

I’m generally a very outgoing person and I often feel sidelined by this sort of question and end up answering out of politeness despite feeling horrendously uncomfortable, and then feel furious with myself afterwards for not saying something sassy back.

How much do you earn?"
Always shuts down the rude and intrusive questions
Really?
When I've heard people asking this the other person gives a ball oark figure e.g.. oh I'm a H grade( or whatever)

YY to what Not a cool dad said & some great conversation changers / deflectors given by pp!

Vaguery or outright (surreal) untruths usually work.

How do you afford that? - "I'm a bank robber."
Why did you split up? "Oh you know... various things."

I've become a master of giving vague non-answers while seeming to answer the question.

.

Either give TMI or ignore.
If you give TMI and every detail it'll put them off asking again.

By coincidence, I’ve just had to deal with a workman asking me what job I have, why I have such a large computer screen, and what car will we be buying our son.
I swerved all of them but only by fibbing as I couldn’t think of a truthful answer that was enough to satisfy him but bland enough to actually give him no information at all. 😋

am i the only person that wouldnt be bothered by any of these questions?

i would never ask anyone them as im not that forward but i cant see any embarrassing questions there.

Do you buy or rent? buy
How do you afford that? wages
Why did you and your partner split up? not relevant as we havnt but i would only ever say "just didnt work out" to the public no matter what happened.
How old where you when you had your children? 24
Was the third second planned? yes
And who will be looking after the children while you go and do x? Will you manage? grandparents or husband and i expect so - we will find out!

Someone mentioned to me, just to laugh as I wondered the same thing about intrusive questions. Just to laugh and don't answer! But I think that might look a bit mad. or say something really bizarre.

None of those questions would bother me TBH.

I have plenty of things I do think are personal.... but the fact we rent, or that I had my first when I was 23? It's just no biggie at all to me.

I was horrified as a child, living in a small town, when an aunt visited from NY. We went into a tiny local shop, the man behind the counter was terribly nosy so immediately started asking all sorts of questions. She just fixed him with a fishy eye and said "You writing a book?". End of conversation. I've thought of using that myself on occasions, but don't have the balls...

although i wouldnt answered the wages one i just saw upthread. i would ask "why?" instantly. then ask how much they earnt then make up a really high number :). 70 billion trillion dollars. a day.

I also don't find those questions that intrusive. In my family, one relative asked my younger brother how his sex life is with his wife, while she was present. That is intrusive.

I was actually thinking of starting a thread on this very thing!

I had my booking appointment with midwife last week and honestly afterwards I felt all that was missing was the darkened room and the spotlight! I was asked everything, from childhood, past relationships, whether my partner was 'abusive' (wtf!?) and afterwards I felt so awful I hadn't just said 'I don't want to answer that' about certain things, but then I feared it would raise a question 'why'....

I should have been more cautious about how things were going to go when we noticed on the screening form I had to fill out, when it came to questions on my partner it went 'Name, Occupation, Is he a blood Relative...….'!!!!! Seriously!!!

I always seem to get sidelined like this - then I go on the defensive in my head and end up saying something stupid - I really need some sort of pre-prepared response to questions I don't feel comfortable with answering - Like you OP it makes me feel sick after!

make a joke of it or give very dull replies

do you buy or rent: yes, something like that.
how do you afford that: well, we save up
why did you split: oh, this and that.
how old were you when you had dc? old enough to know better (laugh).
was the 3rd planned? meticulously/i can't remember
who will look after the dc? the usual suspects.

Just give a short, uninteresting reply and then move off or need to use the loo etc. You don't have to be rude to discourage inquiries and not give much away. Over-sharing definitely works too - when you've got people to the point they look like they wish they were dead because you're wittering on, they'll never ask again :)

As my dear old granny used to say"that's for me to know and you to find out!"

one person's rude is another person's trying to make friends. That's why if you keep it short and rush off, even the least socially aware will figure it wasn't a welcome line of questioning.

I did once, when I was quite young (but old enough to know better perhaps) ask someone if their DC was planned - they were young, and we were yuppies in the kind of profession where people typically wait until they're as old as they can before having DC. And he did reply 'don't you think that's a bit personal', and I didn't ask that again.

am i the only person that wouldnt be bothered by any of these questions?
No I said a while back that I don't find them particularly personal.
I could answer these questions on behalf of everyone in my office as well as our extended team and my social group and they know it about me!
Perhaps I'm just part of an open culture where I am.
However most people don't give a shit about the answer. It's just part if daily inane chat that makes the day go round!

Why do you ask?

The answer to ALL of those questions is right here:

Smile in a devious sort of way and tap the side of your nose and say something like

"Ahh, that would be telling!"
or
"If I told you, then you'd know as much as me!"
or
"That is a heavily guard state secret".

Then give them a huge grin, chuckle, and change the subject.

• guarded.

Goodness, what a VERY personal question - why do you want to know?

Works especially well with fertility related questions.

If somebody asks me something I do consider too personal or intrusive (not necessarily any of those particular questions) I just say "I would rather not discuss that, thank you". It leaves no room for misinterpretation, or that is the idea anyway.

When my dd had a baby very young, a woman attending our local church actually asked me if I knew who the father was. Really? I just asked her if she knew who the father was of her two. Nosey cow.

I sometimes get asked about the status of my gc's who live with me and I tend to say "I cant discuss family court matters, you should know that" or I say "I cant/dont discuss the childrens' situation" and just wave them away.

I would just ask why they need to know that. Some people are so rude and nosey and will it really make their life better to know.

There have been several threads recently, asking really intrusive questions
A lot of people have willingly given the information requested
I cannot believe some of the information that people willingly give away about themselves to people on the internet

@Tallyhooo

Those are all very normal things to be asked. Midwives need to know what they are dealing with. What if you were being abused? What if the father was your brother? What if you were abused as a child? Or your parents died of a genetic disease?
Personal yes but also very Necessary.