1st trimester, exhausted and he's moaning I haven't cleaned the house?!

[sirmione16]

More of a rant as I don't think I'm BU at all, but apparently in his eyes I am. I'm 7+5 weeks pregnant, and it's hit me this past week and today as much as any other. I'm drained constantly, hovering over the bowl to throw up frequently and generally feel so exhausted and ill. My OH has just come in after being at work and complained that the house "doesn't look very clean, I thought you said you were going to clean today" like, are you kidding me?! Yes I said that yesterday, determined to get shit down but I'm sorry if hoovering downstairs has me basically passed out on the sofa for an hour! I did do some housework, so it's not like I've done nothing but the fact that I haven't deep cleaned is an issue - he just doesn't get how exhausted I feel!!! Makes me feel stupid for saying "I'm wiped" because it's not like I'm just tired, like, I'm physically unable to do what I could normally right now. How unfair.

If he wants it cleaned then he’d better get on and do it himself.

why cant he do it

YOu are not the cleaner. It is not your duty to clean the house. I’d be throwing a huge wobbly right about now about the arrogance of this. Set him straight now or this is will get worse.

Ooh I think I would shove the bleach somewhere painful.......

My exdh was exactly the same. Day after day he complained I wasn't keeping up. I was working full time too! He never did anything to help either. I tolerated it through 2 pgs as I thought that's just how things were but I know better now hence the ex!

He sounds charming!!

1st trimester :

With dc 1 I would come home and lie on sofa. It was awful

Dc2 i fell asleep at my desk on a conf call - just about managed dc1 when home

Dc3 - I would
Come home and lie on sofa and let them run around wild until I could muster the energy to do bath and bed

Cleaning / tidying?? Cooking?? No way!

YANBU!

My DP was like this throughout my PG with DS (only child). I thought it would get better. I now work PT as well as ferrying DP and SDS around because he doesn’t drive (takes up 1-2hours each day), trying to complete a part time degree and looking after DS 10 months. If he gets home and the house isn’t spotless it creates an argument, even when I’m ill or out most of the day.

Mine didn’t change. I hope for yours and your DCs sake that yours does!!

He's generally good so can't moan but his reaction today had me fuming. I also work FT, as pp said too and it's on my feet all day so physically demanding.

Anyway, had a rant and a cry to him and he's scooped me up, apologised and has stopped "rush-cleaning" (making a point of doing dishes loudly etc) and has dragged me to cuddle on the sofa. Forgiven for now. I suppose. I mean, my hormones are still raging so. I would kill a man and his horse for a G&T right now

DH didn't really understand I think, until we went to the cinema in the afternoon when I was about nine weeks to see a film I really wanted to see and I fell asleep for a good 45 minutes. I also got him the commando dad book, it's light hearted but useful and tells them what we're going through.

Pleased he's realised he's been U, but you aren't the hired help! If he wants a cleaner he'd better speak to Molly Maids.

Hang on. You're working full-time? Why is it only your job to clean? Surely it should be 50:50 at least, and as you're currently growing a HUMAN BEING inside you, that's your 50% sorted instead?

He's generally good so can't moan

No, sorry, I just don't believe you. Someone who reacts like this because their pregnant wife hasn't deep cleaned the house after a full day of work on their feet is not a good person. He needs a wake up call before the baby arrives!!

Glad he's realised he was being an arse. Because he was. There is nothing like that Dementor-soul-sucking level of tiredness you experience in the first trimester. (And I've played 2 hour cup ties that have gone to extra time, done Alpine climbs that have gone wrong and left me kipping out on the mountainside an extra night without a sleeping bag - none of that comes even vaguely close to early pregnancy).

Hope you feel better OP. It sounds unbelievably tough.

@oneinthegrave.... your post made me so sad I actually want to shed a tear that women put up with this sort of shit from men. Why for crying out loud? Just why?
Why are you with him? He doesn't care about you.

And secondly why are you ferrying a grown man and his child around? Surely he can make his own way and drop or pick up his child also? As a stepmother you are expected to contribute but you have a baby.
Surely this is too much. I feel the rage on your behalf.

@Doingreat he doesn’t drive, we can’t afford for him to learn and if he did get a liscence we couldn’t afford his new driver premiums. My options are do all the driving or he stays at MIL (lives in the same town) with SDS three times a week including the weekends which would mean my poor DS would never see his Daddy.

@doingreat I’ve suggested that he does stay at MIL a few times a month to ease the pressure on me, to be met back with acusations that I’m selfish, don’t care about SDS, my son ‘always comes first’ etc so it’s really not worth it, I just go along with it. I also don’t get any contribution towards car insurance or petrol and his DS lives 20 miles away...
On the edge I really am!

I think that men often cannot grasp the huge changes and work going on inside a pregnant woman's body at the early stages. We generally look much the same on the outside as we always did, so they think we feel the same on the inside.

For me, I felt waaaaaay more tired / cranky / tearful / nauseated in the first 12 weeks than I did for the rest of the pregnancy. By the time I was showing clearly, suddenly everyone seemed to think I would need to lie down for half the day when I actually felt fine. But at the start, when you don't even look pregnant (and probably haven't even told many people), I find there is a distinct lack of sympathy.

You work full time but it as your fault the house is not clean. you pull him upon it and he rush loves you. This is not a healthy relationship.

My ex husband once arrived home from work and brought a colleague back. I was 5 months pregnant and in the bath upstairs (sahm and our 3yo dd was at nursery)
He didn’t realise I was home and I had to sit there listening to him saying to his colleague ‘ffs, sorry about the mess, mate, she’s obviously done fuck all all day’ ‘seriously, how hard can it be to move some stuff, sorry mate, I dunno what’s wrong with her, she’s pregnant not sick!!’
He eventually came upstairs to use the loo and I was crying, telling him I’d heard everything and he actually said that I should have ‘at least tidied before having a bath’
He’s my ex for a reason.

I think that men often cannot grasp the huge changes and work going on inside a pregnant woman's body at the early stages. We generally look much the same on the outside as we always did, so they think we feel the same on the inside.

This. Can you point him in the direction of some essential reading? While you are lying on the sofa.

@oneinthegrave but why on earth are you staying with him? It makes me so sick that men think they have the right to act like this . You would be so much better off without him dragging you down. Do yourself and any other poor person that's forced to.live with him a favour and get rid of that vile specimen.

@sirmione16

Tell him to pay for a cleaner or shut his face 😂 urgh I understand that they don't realise what it's like & it is crazy that we can feel so wiped out so fast especially at a stage where there isn't an actual baby to see properly but after all we are GROWING A HUMAN!

My other half is on the strict understanding that when we have next baby (we both work 60 hours a week) we are having a cleaner come twice a week & once a month having like a full on clean the skirting boards etc because I clean this house shattered enough as it without growing a human at the same time!

Wish you a healthy pregnancy!!

@Brieonabagel Jesus Christ that is horrendous :( I'm so glad you don't have to put up with that kind of person anymore that just made me so so sad :(

Thanks for the support here! I can't believe some of your stories and comments that have been said to some pp!! Also considering buying one of those "stimulated labour devices" for men just so he FULLY understands that stage too just for my own laughs