1st trimester, exhausted and he's moaning I haven't cleaned the house?!

[sirmione16]

More of a rant as I don't think I'm BU at all, but apparently in his eyes I am. I'm 7+5 weeks pregnant, and it's hit me this past week and today as much as any other. I'm drained constantly, hovering over the bowl to throw up frequently and generally feel so exhausted and ill. My OH has just come in after being at work and complained that the house "doesn't look very clean, I thought you said you were going to clean today" like, are you kidding me?! Yes I said that yesterday, determined to get shit down but I'm sorry if hoovering downstairs has me basically passed out on the sofa for an hour! I did do some housework, so it's not like I've done nothing but the fact that I haven't deep cleaned is an issue - he just doesn't get how exhausted I feel!!! Makes me feel stupid for saying "I'm wiped" because it's not like I'm just tired, like, I'm physically unable to do what I could normally right now. How unfair.

As others have pointed out, the fact that you are pregnant really isn't the issue. You both work full-time yet he expects you to do the housework and chastises you if not done to his standards. How and why do you tolerate this? What will it take for you to demand he does his share? Why have you not told him to fuck off?

@barbarianmum the op has posted about being exhausted due to pregnancy and the issue being about her not cleaning the house
If you can translate my answer into meaning that while she's pregnant she shouldn't clean the house but when not I'm saying she should be a slave and him do nothing u are just looking for a new argument that isn't there.
Of course I think men should do their bloody equal share not sure why you think I need to spell that out. Maybe you should ask the op why she has included the fact that shes pregnant in the thread if you are being that picky. It's relevant because a further issue is involved as in he does not seem to grasp that she is feeling exhausted due to pregnancy which I have pointed out he should go and find out for himself and the op shouldn't be going buying books for him and explaining such basic stuff to him.

@barbarianmum where have I said she should be responsible for cleaning the house when not pregnant please?

No, Ohmydays, he's still here, he just didn't understand pregnancy. It ain't gonna happen again, so that's OK!

Start as you mean to go on. How sexist is this?

Does he do half of the housework? And if not, why not since you both work FT?

Whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of doing everything with the baby. Suggest he takes at least 3 months of parental leave.

We had our only proper row (in 15+ years) when I was 17wks pg and still in the grips of constant nausea and exhaustion. Again, over tidying (school holidays, so I was home). In his head I should have been glowing a good month into the second trimester. In fact I was about to transition seamlessly from the first to the third trimester, and with hindsight was days away from my first SPD attack. I hadn't eaten more than peckings of food for over two months (lost over half a stone despite visibly gaining bump).

If he is otherwise a decent partner in a balanced and fair relationship, it can be that he just doesn't appreciate the physical toll of pregnancy, particularly as the symptoms are fairly subtle in the early stages. Mine "got it" more after the halfway mark when I was huge and staggering around uncomfortably. He is an involved father and has pulled his weight through all stages of parenting. It's not necessarily a red flag and LTB, but he does need to understand that the toll of pregnancy is quite personal and doesn't necessarily follow like a textbook.

The description of the exhaustion being like being attacked by dementors is spot on.

DH once said to me ‘oh this floor could do with a hoover....’ I replied ‘well you know where the hoover lives, knock yourself out’ we both work full time and we both cleanup. That was the last time he ever inti aged that cleaning was something I should do. Screw that. Why does he think you should be doing housework and rather than both of you doing it. If we see something needs done we just get on with it x