1st trimester, exhausted and he's moaning I haven't cleaned the house?!

[sirmione16]

More of a rant as I don't think I'm BU at all, but apparently in his eyes I am. I'm 7+5 weeks pregnant, and it's hit me this past week and today as much as any other. I'm drained constantly, hovering over the bowl to throw up frequently and generally feel so exhausted and ill. My OH has just come in after being at work and complained that the house "doesn't look very clean, I thought you said you were going to clean today" like, are you kidding me?! Yes I said that yesterday, determined to get shit down but I'm sorry if hoovering downstairs has me basically passed out on the sofa for an hour! I did do some housework, so it's not like I've done nothing but the fact that I haven't deep cleaned is an issue - he just doesn't get how exhausted I feel!!! Makes me feel stupid for saying "I'm wiped" because it's not like I'm just tired, like, I'm physically unable to do what I could normally right now. How unfair.

I also really struggle the first 14 weeks and then get my energy back. Frustrating as the first trimester is when I need all the help and I look no different. Can't go anywhere once I've popped without kind offers from strangers!

He is being so unreasonable that’s awful. First trimester exhaustion is no joke. I’ve seriously struggled to even stay awake while looking after my son this time round let alone clean the house. If he wants it so clean he can either do it himself or get a cleaner

I dont understand. If you are working FT why is it your job to clean the house? The pregnancy angle is really immaterial. WHY is it your job?

Yes, another one that doesn't understand why you are responsible for all the cleaning? This is potentially setting a horrible precedent that will only get worse once the baby arrives. He's apologised now, but has his level of expectation really changed?

Get some nice tonics to tide you over - fevertree elderflower with a slice of lime and some ice is quite nice even without the gin, for example.

And glad to hear he improved

Glad to read that he's being more understanding OP but you need to address any if you work full time that he expects you to clean. Surely at this time he should be doing more than his fair share?

I don't think it would ever enter my fiance's head to pull me up on not having done ANYTHING. And that's just on your average Tuesday, not pregnant or anything.

Maybe if he were relying on me for something critical, like a bank transfer and I just didn't bother, but just not cleaning?

If you live in a house together and you both have full time jobs then it is both your jobs to do the cleaning. Men who don't understand that find that they will end up single.

God almighty if my lads treated their partners this way I would feel such a failure of a mum. Teach kind to your sons and daughters.

Op you need to stop this bollocks dead now. It’s unkind and disrespectful.

As for the poster whose partner doesn’t drive etc love you really don’t need this arse in your life. Seriously why are you with him. Get rid. He sounds utterly vile

Take care of your health OP. The housework can wait and if your other half doesn’t like that tell him to do it himself! The first trimester is exhausting I remember that feeling well

But, but, but why isn't he doing this anyway? Half of it should be his to do every day. Can't you see how fucked up this is? 2 adults working FT, 1 home, and the cleaning has to be left unless she is well enough to do it?

I get why men think like this but God it's depressing how many women do.

another woman seeming to accept a shitty partner ... honestly makes me rage! Don't put up with this shit! You work FT, AND he expects you to clean? WHY do you put up with this?

You're pregnant? with HIS baby? And you're a couple? And he expects you to clean?

He is a tosser. Expect more NOW, or you'll be back in 10 months saying 'my DP has not changed since our baby was born but is carrying on like he's a single person with no responsibilities'. Then in 5 years you'll be back saying 'I cannot stand doing it all at home anymore, my DP is like a second child, he doesn't lift a finger just leaves me to do it all'.
Then in 10 years you'll be back saying 'I know I have to leave but he's a great dad... I can't afford to leave... he won't go...'

Be clear, assertive, adult, and set your stall out. He needs to buck his ideas up NOW or he's out. Would be my plan. But I'm fed up with the number of pitiful men described on MN...I'm angry at him really.

My first 14 weeks were awful. DH doesn't even understand how periods work and definitely didn't get pregnancy. He bought himself a book and learned. He never expected me to do much. I think he just got that there was something growing in me. It helped that my PIL wouldn't let me do anything so he wouldn't have got away with expecting much! 😁

@XxXemma thank you

He had so many reasons;
1: I was sahm and dd was at nursery.
2: he worked, I didn’t.
3: he’d heard 1st & 3rd trimester were worst so I was obviously ‘milking it’ as I was in the 2nd
Etc etc...
He was honestly just horrible.
The baby I was carrying was 4yo when I finally left him. Wish I’d done it sooner.

If you both work full time he has no place to expect you to clean to his schedule, and tell you off when it doesn't happen, pregnant or not. I'm not pregnant and if my husband spoke to me like that I would go nuts! Would recommend sitting down with him and discussing division of household chores as it will only get harder once you have a baby.

My DH didn't get how pregnancy made me feel. Have you tried explaining?

I'm glad he apologised! These things need nipping in the bud early on, because the real fun hasn't even started yet! Buy him a book, make him read it, get every young parent you/he knows to give him a good reality check about what pregnancy, birth and fatherhood is like.

If it's any consolation, my DH couldn't get his head round me feeling crap in the first trimester, because he couldn't see a bump and we weren't going to any appointments yet...it just didn't feel real to him until we had the 12-week scan. After that he got loads better, although I'd never say he was as sympathetic as my mum, lol! Some dads-to-be just need a bit of a kick in the pants at the beginning, because they genuinely don't have a clue. Start training him now!

My complaint is when I was 9.5 months (not a typo) and he shouted at me for "lying on the sofa drinking milk and water all day". It was a very hot late August, I had to sleep sitting up because heartburn, so I was exhausted, I could walk a few minutes before getting tired, the water was because I was hot and dehydrated, the milk was to try and put on weight, because the baby was taking all my food and was losing weight everywhere except the bump.

*I was losing weight

If he's that clueless around pregnancy actually having an effect on the person who is growing a human inside them 1)what rock has he been under his whole life and 2) he should buy his own bloody book to inform himself if he's got any interest whatsoever!

Nurse can you explain what this has to do with pregnancy please? Even if the OP wasnt pregnant, why is she responsible for cleaning the house?

You’ve been warned, OP.

I'm 5 weeks into a flare up of Arthritis and after a "comment" about the cleanliness of the house (I can manage the basics but haven't been able to tackle the 30 internal stairs properly) we now have a cleaner. Paid for by DP.

perfectly

Please tell me you kicked him out!

The thing is if someone tells me they're so tired I'm sympathetic. I'm sure these men are too. But oh no not so if a woman is pregnant, her tiredness must be judged to the enth

Common sense denotes growing a human being inside you must surely be tiring. Ignorance means disregarding that.

Gets on my last bloody nerve