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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU mil buying ds an iPad?

87 replies

Weebeastiebaby · 18/06/2018 14:56

Ds is soon turning 3 years old. I allow him to watch some YouTube (nursery rhyme) videos on the smart tv and very occasionally play games on my phone. MIL does the bulk of our childcare for free for which I am VERY grateful as otherwise I could not afford to work. I know she’s lets him use the iPad when she babysits him and he has massive tantrums when the iPad is removed from him. I’ve also watched him be really zombie-like when on it. Oblivious to everything else going on, not communicating etc. I know not all kids are like this when using technology but my ds is. I therefore have decided not to buy him a tablet to use at home and allow him to use it at MILs as a treat. I made no secret of the fact I’m not keen on him using the iPad due to his behaviour but didn’t tell her not to allow him to use it.
However Dh has just told me that his mum plans to buy ds an iPad for his birthday. AIBU to feel like she’s deliberately undermining me? Im not controlling over any other aspect of his care while she has him but this has really annoyed me. I feel she’s doing it just to make me look bad as I am going to have to be the one to take it away from him or get rid of it. She also always buys ridiculously expensive presents when she knows dh and I can’t afford that kind of thing meaning his ‘biggest’ present is always from MIL and not from us.

I know I’m being U as it is very kind of MIL to want to buy ds gifts and she wants him to enjoy them but I can’t help feeling like my parenting is being undermined here.

OP posts:
winniestone37 · 20/06/2018 08:53

You get child care for free?????? Wow suck it up, manage the usage and count your blessings.

Original poster
Weebeastiebaby · 20/06/2018 12:57

They also go to paid childcare places during the day. MIL watches them in the evenings. Not really what this thread is about though. Is it?

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 20/06/2018 13:01

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/4899218?guccounter=1
Just send her this

BoomBoomsCousin · 20/06/2018 23:12

Don't send Lethal's article. It's highly selective in its use of research and somewhat disingenuous. For instance, it misstates the American Academy of Pediatrics' recommendations in order to pretend its recommendations are in line with more authoritative bodies.

cadburyegg · 20/06/2018 23:27

My 3yo ds has some limited screen time but there is no way I would buy him a tablet, totally unnecessary. YANBU. A friend of mine just bought her 3yo an iPhone for his birthday, I was gobsmacked

CloudCaptain · 20/06/2018 23:36

I would be most concerned with what she is letting him watch and whether it is strictly supervised. I allow my now 4yo to have the tablet but the WiFi is turned off so he can only have his games. All of the schools we looked around have technology, specifically tablets for kids to try out. But it's true mine can get fixated on it so I've had to limit it for special occasions (where I need him to sit still).

CloudCaptain · 20/06/2018 23:37

Sorry meant to say, to be concerned particularly about video nasties on YouTube.

Underparmummy · 21/06/2018 08:39

weebeastiebaby - it kind of is, as in MIL will have another view of children and technology due to having finished her child rearing but still ending up spending her evenings looking after small children... My kids better not be expecting me to do this for them!

However, YANBU to not want him to have one at home too. Accept the gift and use it yourself!

CurrentCurrant · 21/06/2018 08:46

I’ve always let DH do as he pleases IF he is in charge/ sole care. Even my two yr old doesn’t ask me for screens as none of them have ever associated me with them. They get their full when dh is in.

Plus he has all the screen related tantrums and nagging exclusively. He walked out this morning and the 5 and 8 yr olds gave me a side look and trotted off to get Lego without a word

ScrubTheDecks · 21/06/2018 10:54

YANBU.

I would politely but assertively say “An iPad isn’t a present we would welcome for DS and we won’t be making time for him to use it, so much better to get something that he will enjoy, and will be a change from the games he plays when he is with you”.

If she goes ahead, put it in a cupboard, disable the WiFi and only get it out when he is with MIL. I. E use it to replace MILs, and not to add time.

If necessary tell him it only works at MIl’s House. (If he goes there for childcare).

starbug1 · 21/06/2018 11:14

YANBU about not wanting an IPad for him at that age. MIL bought one for family use to Skype before I had a smartphone and it caused issues. Eventually it got slow so I hid it and it we told the kids it broke, when it wasn’t an option for them to ask for they were bored for a couple of minutes and started playing or reading.

As you’ve thought through in your options there will be unnecessary tantrums if you get one and set limits. MIL may tantrum if you say no but she sounds undermining and you should make your decision based on what’s best for your kids and the time you spend with them. Tell DH it is not being ungrateful to politely decline something that you don’t think is healthy for DS to have. Try to spin it from a child development angle and leave the issues with MIL as a separate conversation. If your husband is putting his mother’s wishes over and above what is best for the home life of his family then that is a bigger problem than whether or not your son has an IPad.

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