To be a tight cow

[hellokitty4849]

I've been in a new job for about 4 months, and I am getting tired of the constant pressure to contribute cash for x, y and z.

There's a control freak woman who organises presents and gifts for what seems like everything and everything. Everyone has to contribute a set amount when it's someone's birthday, which is bad enough when there's about 50 people in the office. But it gets worse - we also have to contribute cash for leaving presents, weddings, babies (fair enough I suppose), engagements, people moving house, people passing driving tests, big wedding anniversaries, you name it!

I'm having to hand over cash on a weekly basis, and we can't just put the amount we want to in an envelope. We get emails from the control freak asking for £x amount to be given to her towards the gifts.

This month alone I've had to give £20, and next month will be worse as there's a few birthdays and weddings. I don't treat myself often, and call me mean but I'd rather spend this money on myself! But if I refuse I'll be known as the new person who refuses to be a part of the team.

Ugh, am I just a tight cow?

That does sound very OTT. Birthdays, leaving gifts and babies are one thing but wedding gifts are unnecessary unless you're invited and new home gifts seem really above and beyond.

I wonder if your colleagues hate it as much as you do - if so you might be seen as a hero if you push back! If you don't want to do that I might try putting less money in each time (so just what you're comfortable with) and if the control freak woman is rude enough to question this, just say it's all you can afford but you still want to contribute.

When I started my first office job, after a lot of years in catering jobs, going back to university as a mature student and a long time bringing up my young family on basically no money, it was just before the Grand National. I bought a ticket for the sweepstakes and won! There was a lot of muttering about how mean I was when I didn't buy cakes for the office, but to my mind new shoes for my children were much more important. It is really difficult to be different but if you can I would just tell her that you are putting in what you can and not what she tells you to. I used to find that Christmas dos were really difficult too, as one of the lowest paid in the office it was hard to say that I couldn't afford to go to whatever expensive event the better paid staff had decided we were all going to, so now as a more senior member of staff I always ensure I speak up when somebody dreams up something expensive and, hopefully, our newer members of staff don't have to deal with things the same way as I did.

No not tight at all, the control freak needs to know that you work hard for your money and need it for your own use.

I am not tight but this would just get seriously annoying. Just say no.

Just say no and stick to it, absolutely unreasonable and ridiculously over the top. You run the risk of being a bit unpopular - but do you really give a shit? Will they pay your bills when you're so low on cash because of office contributions? Fuck them.

No, no and no again.

Just tell her you want out of all collections and you'll make your own arrangements.

For everyone’s birthday? That’s just madness.

Big birthdays, weddings, first babies and leaving doos, fair enough, but is there really and need to put more than £2 each in for a voucher / bunch of flowers?

What does everyone else think?

Just say no. Are you even sure that all the money is going to the gifts and she's not siphoning off some for herself?

I hate this too. You aren’t at all unreasonable. I’ve refused to sign cards before as I don’t know people and I always get looks of horror.

Be firm, contribute only when you want to. Control Freak just wants to be seen as the thoughtful one and get all the praise.

I'd just say no - simply can't afford it etc. Or put 1 or 2 wood in. Of there's 50 in the office that's 50/100 pound which is far far ott for a birthday, moving house etc. Wedding maybe but moving house? What happened to a plant and card signed by everyone?
Also how sure are you that everyone else is putting in ?? They could all be fed up with it too. I know I would be and so would alot of my friends!!

We had this at my old work-related amount and some months it worked out as a fortune. Was the same for everyone too so the thr low earners and high earners had the same. New work it's always a whip round and a card then they get vouchers to the value put in and it's only big birthdays, leaving and babies. Much better!!!

quid not wood

Mental. I was surprised to have anything from my colleagues for leaving to have baby and I really wouldn't have batted an eyelid if they hadn't.

We do birthday cards for big birthdays and that's it.

If they want to do a collection for every small thing then it's best to have a kitty that everyone contributes to each month with a set amount and all cards & gifts come out of there - will teach some budgeting too.

Do you think she's on the make? You know, keeping a bit back for herself?
It seems an awful lot for each person considering you have 50 people contributing?
Even if it's a tenner each, that's £500 for a birthday present. What's she buying them? A washing machine or a laptop or something?

Definitely excessive. Our office control freak expects a fiver, even for people you don't know well. I'd give a pound at most places but not when you have to do it that often - moving house ffs?

YANBU to say no to making contributions, that seems quite ridiculous. I would have thought some colleagues would feel the same to be honest. I'd be tempted to just say I can't afford it so can't contribute but obviously I don't expect anything either. I hope others feel the same - maybe you could sound out a friend?

I'd have raised my eyebrows and refused to put that much in regularly when I was still (pre-retirement) in a very well-paid job.

That's a workplace with a control freak who's been allowed to spiral out of control. Say "I'm sorry, I can't afford this" and leave it.

Is there an hr department that you can talk to? We have collections for leaving pressies, there are several that I have refused to contribute to, others I have been very generous. It should be entirely up to the individual on whether or not to donate and how much

Just say 'no thanks' then drop eye contact and move away. She'll get the message.

Ugh, I'd totally hate this. It's like being mugged with a smile...tell her you'd rather be left out of the contributions and of course won't be expecting anything for your own birthday/celebrations.

If everyone put 50p in that would be £25 which is a decent amount for a birthday. £1 for a baby maybe. But really it should be a whip round, put in what you want for people you know.

I take it you have just been contributing when asked and seething on the inside? Just say no. You might get a few raised eyebrows the first couple of times but just keep it up and you’ll soon get used to it. . Most people probably feel the same but no one wants to speak up.

I bet you 20 imaginary pounds this woman is siphoning off a chunk of the cash for herself. Which if ever called out on, she'll claim as her 'payment for the organising'.

And it’s not being tight!!

For birthdays have a day a month when cake is brought in and everyone who had a birthday that month is acknowledged. The rest should be an anonymous envelope passed round and what is donated is donated. £20 in a month?? Ridiculous!