To be a tight cow

[hellokitty4849]

I've been in a new job for about 4 months, and I am getting tired of the constant pressure to contribute cash for x, y and z.

There's a control freak woman who organises presents and gifts for what seems like everything and everything. Everyone has to contribute a set amount when it's someone's birthday, which is bad enough when there's about 50 people in the office. But it gets worse - we also have to contribute cash for leaving presents, weddings, babies (fair enough I suppose), engagements, people moving house, people passing driving tests, big wedding anniversaries, you name it!

I'm having to hand over cash on a weekly basis, and we can't just put the amount we want to in an envelope. We get emails from the control freak asking for £x amount to be given to her towards the gifts.

This month alone I've had to give £20, and next month will be worse as there's a few birthdays and weddings. I don't treat myself often, and call me mean but I'd rather spend this money on myself! But if I refuse I'll be known as the new person who refuses to be a part of the team.

Ugh, am I just a tight cow?

She has no right to do this. It should be optional, and you decide if you contribute at all and how much. Tell her that, and if she doesn't like it then tough.

You aren't being tight. You are being reasonable.

My daughter started an new job a few weeks ago, a staff member said it's so and so's big birthday next week, you need to put £5-£10 in', she refused, saying she didn't know him well and as a student couldn't afford it, so proud that she as able to be polite but assertive. She said if she had been there longer and knew him better, she would consider it, but also would only put in what she wanted not what someone else dictated to her.

Difficult , if you're rhe new person and they have done this for a long time, then yes you risk being seen as Ross from friends and making yourself very unpopular. Some folks wouldn't give a shit about being unpopular, but others do, ive no idea how you feel about it.

So, she is basically collecting in the region of 12 grand a year for presents - if there's 50 of you and you're giving £20 a month. Odd!!

That is nonsense. We do collections for big birthdays or baby or weddings and that’s it. £20 in a month is insane. I’d reply and say you can’t keep
Doing it so not to rely on you. Set donation amounts is insane too. I was asked for £10 to a wedding gift for a wedding many at work were attending but I wasn’t invited - the gift was “their” joint gift which they handed over as from them. I so wish I’d said no. I’d have given. But maybe £5 not £10. The cheek. If this woman appears in a new car soon you have your answer

The only collections that happen at my work is maternity / new baby or if a colleague is leaving the company.

We had this where I used to work. It got so bad that one month we all ended up putting in £80 for 3 birthdays, 1 baby and a leaving do. Eventually one of maternity cover girls, who’d only been there 2 months, just said enough is enough and refused to pay. I’m so glad she did because after that we just stuck to cake and card for everyone regardless of occasion. Much better as we only had to chip in 50p each!!!

Tell her straight that you don't want to participate, neither to go or receive. Nobody should be forced into that shit.

£20 in one month is insane! We have an optional birthday club at my work, £2 per person, £5 for big birthday or new baby. But we’re only a very small team, know each other pretty well and it’s actually quite nice. If anyone wants to opt out, there’s no hard feelings. For a team of 50, I wouldn’t bother, you probably don’t really know half the people, other than their names obviously.

Birthdays are absolutely ridiculous, and I bet everyone else thinks so too. I would look for the next opportunity to start sowing seeds of rebellion in people's minds...mention causally that nowhere you've ever worked before collects for birthdays...you've enevr heard of this etc. I bet people are just waiting for an opportunity to bring it up at a staff meeting and put an end to it. Colleagues leaving or getting married, definitely, but bloody birthdays? No way!

Whilst I completely disagree with the whole thing, a set amount is not a bad idea to prove that you are not pocketing people's cash but using it as a gift. If anyone gives a free amount, no one will never know how much was collected.

*ever
can't bloody type

After years literally (around 14) of putting in to whip rounds at work and feeling as a more senior role like I had to put a fair amount in, when I had a baby I got nothing but a card and a small bunch of flowers then when I actually left I didn't even get a goodbye never mind a drink, card or gift. Since then I never put in unless they are in my team directly. I think all this needs to stop, its unfair on staff having to fun things like retirement gifts - they should be sponsored by the company the poor sod has worked for. Big birthdays - a drink is enough, all this bringing cakes in - yeuch forget it everyone regrets eating them just bugs me

My office does collections for everything, but an envelope is passed no suggested amount, if you have 50p they'd all you put in and no one is expected to contribute

Opt out. It's easier than you think. Just smile and say no, I can't afford to contribute anymore. And please don't do anything for me when my birthday rolls around.

Mean it and stick to it. Life is too short not to stand up for yourself and your budget.

£20 a month x 50 employees is a nice little earner isn’t it?

I would question if she is pocketing some of this for herself

She's creaming money off for herself. Go with one of the ways of saying 'NO' offered on here. I wouldn't be able to afford this and would have to straight up tell her I don't have spare money for whip rounds and don't want to be included, giving or receiving.

There is no way that the rest of your colleagues are happy with having to contribute this every month. Just say no and then watch the others join you.

If you want to be a bit more diplomatic you could send round an email or speak to a more senior member of staff and make a suggestion that there is a £1 limit to contributions, and that this should only be given for leaving gifts and new baby (birthdays and new homes is ridiculous). Try and get some authority to step in and put a stop to it.

Well people will be able to work out if the value of the gifts are equivalent to what's collected so doubt she's stealing.

However mathematically it does not make a lot of sense.

Op how much on average is being requested per person per gift?

Even at 2 pound a head, people are getting very expensive gifts at approx 100 pounds value. If you have twenty pounds last month, say for. Four gifts at a fiver each, that's gifts worth 250 quid, which seems excessive.

We had this in my first job after I left school- massive organisation where you had to put in £3 per month for birthdays and if you were late paying birthday collection busy body would march round demanding you pay up.

I was a shy teenager who wasn’t brave enough to question it so just paid up.

Then a new girl started and just flat out refused to contribute and said she didn’t want a birthday present. She was a breath of fresh air and practically everyone followed suit.

The worst part was the budget for each gift was £30 so we were all over paying!