To be a tight cow

[hellokitty4849]

I've been in a new job for about 4 months, and I am getting tired of the constant pressure to contribute cash for x, y and z.

There's a control freak woman who organises presents and gifts for what seems like everything and everything. Everyone has to contribute a set amount when it's someone's birthday, which is bad enough when there's about 50 people in the office. But it gets worse - we also have to contribute cash for leaving presents, weddings, babies (fair enough I suppose), engagements, people moving house, people passing driving tests, big wedding anniversaries, you name it!

I'm having to hand over cash on a weekly basis, and we can't just put the amount we want to in an envelope. We get emails from the control freak asking for £x amount to be given to her towards the gifts.

This month alone I've had to give £20, and next month will be worse as there's a few birthdays and weddings. I don't treat myself often, and call me mean but I'd rather spend this money on myself! But if I refuse I'll be known as the new person who refuses to be a part of the team.

Ugh, am I just a tight cow?

This happens at my work and it’s almost every week. I always say I don’t bring my purse to work because I’d spend too much at lunchtime buying snacks so I haven’t got any money on me, but when my birthday comes around I always make sure to tell the busy body not to get me anything because I don’t chip in for everyone else.

Depends on when your next birthday or life event is!

At my work,an envelope goes round,no set amount. Put in if you wish,it’s optional

What happens on her birthday/wedding anniversary?

I think because she's handling a lot of money each time, there should be 2 people overseeing the collection.
Someone sane needs to step in, maybe do a quick opinion poll in the office on these "collections" and adjust the whole system?

We have an optional birthday club, if you're not in the club then you don't need to contribute, nor will you receive anything for your birthday.

This system seems to work really well and if you don't want to be in it, then there are no hard feelings.

FYI, I'm not in the club!

Yes if there is a sympathetic HR person you can mention it to; they are usually very sympathetic, professional (or should be). As others have said if there are 50 people in the office then that's a lot of very expensive presents, she could well be on the fiddle...

Just simply say you can't afford it when asked again, I am sure there must be at least 1 other person who refuses to chip in as well so you won't be the only one.

I’d hope a group of adults can resolve this without HR, tell manager If necessary
The bonus ball is the collector she email the fixed amount request,that’s your proof

That is ludicrous. Does anyone want these presents?

I worked in an office where on your birthday you had to write a list and buy every single person a cake of their choice from the local bakery - it cost about £70. I did a survey and guess what? No one wanted the cake. I was the manager so I started a new tradition of me buying a tin of sweets - celebrations, heroes etc on someones birthday (I bought them in bulk and hid them). All this work based gift giving is madness imo.

She is making several hundreds on the side

She is totally siphoning money off. I know this because I used to do it myself but I don't care what you all think. Basically it was before the era of debit cards everywhere, we'd go for a meal at a restaurant and people would just say oh here's twenty quid to cover mine and the tip, repeat for ten people on a £120 bill and you end up with a good bit spare.

She is totally siphoning money off. I know this because I used to do it myself but I don't care what you all think.

😂

That seems silly, where I’ve worked in large organisations it’s been done by teams so it’s only 5 or 6 in each group collection.

Where I work now there’s 15 of us, you always get a birthday card but presents are only for big birthdays and life events like weddings or babies. There’s also no set amount you give what you choose. This works well as there’s only ends up being a couple of collections a year.

I know someone who has this struggle, not as bad of late due to staff changes but, I kid you not, she'd not been there too long when she was asked for five pounds towards flowers for the supervisor's mum and dad's big wedding anniversary. She gave it because she didn't want to look a cheapskate in front of colleagues. Many others gave too (probably for the same reason)!
I wonder in OP's case if the office control freak gives too or just loves being generous with others' money

I think you should take a stand and say you may or may not be able to contribute - depending on what outgoings you have that month - and when you can it will be no more than £1-2. Others in the office may breathe a sigh of relief and muster the courage to follow suit. Now the person I mentioned above has established friendships and tends to buy small gifts directly (and opts out of collections).

Could you have a word with management discreetly? That might be a way forward...

I’ve worked in an office where I was asked to make a contribution towards someone’s second wedding anniversary gift. When it came round to my birthday, I received nothing, not even a card. Since then I put in money if I choose to and not unless. YANBU.

There is always one person in an organisation like this person.

Years ago when I worked in a big place there was £1 donated by everyone every month. There were sixty of us (but I had my own office thank God). That covered every eventuality.

No one minded as it was easy, yes a £1 per month amongst 60 meant over £700 a year for all the shenanigans of babies, birthdays and so on.

What wasn't used in the year went towards drinks and stuff at Christmas.

Worked fine.

It should be 'donations' in an envelope with the card for people to sign.

This should be circulated with team list and you cross your name off as you have seen it.

Therefore you give or not but get to sign card too.

Suggest it at a team meeting you might be surprised how many people support you

I was concerned she's on the fiddle. What sort of presents is she buying? Do you even see the present if it's for someone on maternity leave?

It's not right to pressurise colleagues like this. If someone there is the sole earner for their whole family, this could be a real struggle to afford.

I think they need a fund in place that everybody puts in x amount and then everything is taken out of that. In our place there is terms and conditions. What warrants spending staff money eg, bereavements, only big birthdays, wedding, retirements.

I agree with KeyboardKate £1 each from 50 people is a decent gift. She's being ridiculous to ask for more.

Alarm bells should ring if she's coming into work with a new blouse and haircut after each collection and has mentioned a cruise.

I had this at the last place I worked and it drove me crazy. She demanded a tenner and no less too. She was also fiddling the lottery and refusing to use the same numbers so no-one had a clue if the tickets had won or not as she would never let on the numbers. Basically everyone was funding her chances of a big win! I told her I didn't want any gifts and I wouldn't be contributing and she backed off after about the third attempt to extort. Snotty cow!

I would email back next time, and copy all, saying I just cannot afford this. You are not being tight. I am sure that, like most people, you could find a better use for your twenty quid.

ridiculous, you sign a card for a birthday, that's the end of it. (just check the card when you do so you don't say something inappropriate for a hospital stay or a funeral). At most, you contribute for weddings and retirements presents.

HR should ban this amount of contribution, it's silly, even if the money doesn't end up in someone's pocket.

Is this all birthdays?
If so with 50 people that must be about a birthday a week.

And when does she have time to do work if she is so busy organising all this?