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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think these belong to me now ?

96 replies

booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 12:38

10 years ago I moved into my house
My mother decided to de clutter and moved ALL of the children’s books from her home to mine. We’re talking THOUSANDS

Was a bit of a pain tbh as they were dumped in boxes but actually a lot of lovely books so we got a massive bookcase and kids love them
Anyway she’s now decided she wants certain ones back in drive and drabs for other grandchildren and when she pops round she’s there trying to sneakily take books.
Some are now also worth a lot and she’s asked for specific ones back.
She told me at the time she no longer wanted them now it’s looking like we were a book storage facility ?

Do I tell her to get lost ? That they are my dcs now ?

OP posts:
Katedotness1963 · 17/06/2018 17:35

They're yours! They've been yours since you were given them 10 years ago. Your mum has got some brass neck!

Walkingdeadfangirl · 17/06/2018 17:36

She gave you thousands of books and you begrudge giving a few back for her other grandchildren. I think that's a bit selfish, she your mother.

If its actually all about the money take the expensive ones, hide them in the attic and tell her you sold them years ago. But I think that would be very petty.

BrownTurkey · 17/06/2018 17:36

Just sigh and say ‘I wish you’d told me it was only a loan, some of them are precious to us too now’ and glare and then hand them over with a disappointed look.

Life’s too short to make a big deal of this though. You could ask if your dd and her cousin could organise to share some of the books though - it could be more fun that way too.

Ruffian · 17/06/2018 17:42

I think you're being a bit tight and you don't sound very nice about your dm. Did she buy these books that you're enjoying? If you hadn't found out they were worth something bet you wouldn't be so bothered.

LavenderDoll · 17/06/2018 17:44

Why would you not want to share them with your siblings and their children .
I find it odd that your mum feels she has to sneak them out of your house. She is family just give her the books

Iceweasel · 17/06/2018 17:53

If there are thousands, are there not enough for your children to share with their same aged cousins?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/06/2018 18:01

My mother did exactly the same. The books aren’t valuable though. She then accused me of stealing them when I didn’t immediately hand over books my dd was using. Some of the books belonged to my brother but he hated reading as a kid and told me he didn’t want them. No way was I handing them over for my sil to dump them or take to the charity shop.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 18:10

I'd simply say of your sister wants any books then shes welcome to come down and take some. Put aside any you don't want her to have. If mum says she wants then for herself I'd give the same option but again, keep any special ones aside.

I doubt that there's nothing in thousands of book's that isn't worth money or that you or the kids aren't attached to.
There's no reason other than "but they're mine NOW that you can't share with your sister.

Shiftymake · 17/06/2018 18:12

I would carefully hide away the ones you want to keep away from her! If she asks about them I would be honest that they are in a safe place as don't want anyone stealing them/taking them without permission. I had a dgm like this, but she was given a dose of her own medicine when I repaid her the same courtesy she had shown for years. I did this knowingly and knew that she would get the message loud and clear. She never did this type of stunt again.

silkpyjamasallday · 17/06/2018 18:19

YANBU, they are most definitely your books now after ten bloody years of having them and buying storage for them etc. If she wanted to be able to share them amongst grandchildren she should have dumped some of them on your siblings when she was clearing them out.

DP and I have a friend like your DM, he used to frequently drop bags of his clothes for DP when he went travelling and tell us we could keep them (always barely worn designer label stuff) but then would request for certain things back months or years later claiming they had sentimental value, very very cheeky. So we were basically a storage facility, and he would be annoyed if we had taken excess stuff to charity shops or couldn’t locate a specific T-shirt.

tinyme77 · 17/06/2018 18:33

Let her take them. She made a mistake giving them to you. She probably feels bad that she gave them all to you in the first place and didn't save them for other family.

Original poster
booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 19:02

If my sister wanted some I’d gladly share but dm is making me feel that I have to now hand over whichever she demands even if they are now favourites of my children.
I don’t want to keep any from my siblings or their children but they haven’t even asked......

OP posts:
Original poster
booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 19:04

At the time she gave them to me (well told me she was tidying her house and wanted rid) I was the only one with dc
But I don’t know why she didn’t just keep the ones she wanted ‘just in case’ she literally hasn’t mentioned them in ten years till now!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 19:07

So just tell her if siblings want some you'll happily box some up or they can come and have a rummage - you'll contact them.

If she says but SHE wants some, I'd either ask her why she wants kids books so she has to be honest about selling them or take out the the special ones and let her go through them.

If she asks for X then it's a simple "sorry mom, you gave then to me a decade ago and whilst I'm happy to share with DSis etc, littlebooks and grumpy book really love X, Y and Z

Iceweasel · 17/06/2018 19:10

If it was me I would let my sister know that she and her kids could come and take or borrow some books when they liked. Just get your kids to put their favorites aside first (in a small bookcase in their room or similar).

PorkFlute · 17/06/2018 19:21

No idea who legally owns the books but this is your mother and you have thousands. Let your little nieces/nephews have some!
If she wants to take particular favourites then say so or put them out of the way when she comes.

Flexoset · 17/06/2018 20:21

Sounds like this is just your DM wanting them back because she thinks they're worth money.

If they'd belonged to you and your siblings collectively and your siblings were wanting some to share with their kids, then they might have a case (although even then I'd be querying why you were the only one lumbered with all the storage!).

But your siblings aren't even asking for them!

Whoever they belong to now, it definitely isn't your DM. She wanted to declutter and gave them to you saying she didn't want them back. She doesn't get to go back on that (after 10 years!) just because she now thinks they're valuable.

(And she knows they're yours... otherwise she wouldn't be so sneaky about trying to nick them.)

DesignStatement · 17/06/2018 20:27

They are yours if they were given to you. What if you had given them to the charity shop or got rid to make space?

Chattymummyhere · 17/06/2018 20:32

They are yours now she gave them to you as she wanted rid. Ask her for a list of books she wants and tell her you will have a look for them. Then decide out of that which ones you would be willing to give her.

Hygge · 17/06/2018 20:37

Could you ask her if she realises how long it's been since she gave them to you?

And ask her why when she hasn't wanted them or shown any interest in them for years she suddenly wants them back now?

And remind her that they were yours to begin with, being children's books from your childhood?

Iceweasel · 17/06/2018 20:48

It makes sense that they were given to the OP if she was the first to have children, even if some had belonged to her sister. It would be silly to keep half of the books unread for years at her mothers house for if or when the sister had children. There are plenty to share around for all the children now.

sockunicorn · 17/06/2018 21:14

remove the expensive ones and let her take the tat :)

olbndansmummy · 18/06/2018 17:39

Definitely yours, i'd be hiding them op. A gift is a gift, hope you and your littlies enjoy them

watchingwithinterest · 18/06/2018 17:47

I would give her back all the ones you are unlikely to read as a gesture of goodwill and ask her very nicely to stop taking things from your house.

Squeezycheeky · 18/06/2018 17:56

Depends if they were gifted or just at yours to store. Either way she’s a CF.