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Original poster

To think these belong to me now ?

96 replies

booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 12:38

10 years ago I moved into my house
My mother decided to de clutter and moved ALL of the children’s books from her home to mine. We’re talking THOUSANDS

Was a bit of a pain tbh as they were dumped in boxes but actually a lot of lovely books so we got a massive bookcase and kids love them
Anyway she’s now decided she wants certain ones back in drive and drabs for other grandchildren and when she pops round she’s there trying to sneakily take books.
Some are now also worth a lot and she’s asked for specific ones back.
She told me at the time she no longer wanted them now it’s looking like we were a book storage facility ?

Do I tell her to get lost ? That they are my dcs now ?

OP posts:
Piffle11 · 17/06/2018 13:16

They are definitely yours. I would be keeping an eye on her and making sure she is kept away from the bookcase! Are there any that you and your DC would be ok with her having? If so, give them to her and tell her that's her lot. Years ago I left an emotionally abusive relationship and had to stay with my DParents whilst legal wrangles over the house were sorted. I had no furniture and a kind neighbour of DParents asked if I wanted this old chair they had: my DM was saying 'it's rubbish, tell them no' but I needed to sit somewhere so took it. When I was moving out I put my chair with my other stuff to go in the van I had, and my DM says 'you can't take the chair, it's mine - neighbour gave it to me'. She had it reupholstered and I felt the rage every time I saw it. She also gave me a costume cocktail ring once: about 20 years later I'm wearing it and she comments on it, asks to try it on … she clearly liked how it looked, so I asked if she was wanting it back? Yes. Oh ok, so she takes the ring. 3 months later my DSis is visiting, staying with DM. She pops round to mine, and she's wearing the ring. I comment on it, and she says that DM has just given it to her … Can you alarm your bookcase???

LannieDuck · 17/06/2018 13:17

...although (further caveat!), you shouldn't give up any that your kids really like.

Original poster
booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 13:25

Yes I have siblings. She’s more after all the books I think she regrets giving then to me now that dsis has a baby but I do as well and I know he will like the same books
Just feels like dm was using us as storage. Tbh if dsis asked to borrow some that’d be fine but it’s how dm is acting about them

OP posts:
Iceweasel · 17/06/2018 13:27

Can't you do a book swap between the Cousins?
This. They are yours but your kids can't be reading them all at once. If they are attached to certain books then put them to one side. I would not go through your mother though if you think she may just want to sell or hoard them.

brizzledrizzle · 17/06/2018 13:29

They are yours not hers.

bunbunny · 17/06/2018 13:32

I would be moving the ones that are particularly special to you and —hiding— putting them —in a cupboard— on a different bookcase somewhere your dm doesn’t go so that she isn’t able to swipe them when she is at your house.

I would also have no compunction in taking any swiped books back if you find them at her house...

MrsMint · 17/06/2018 13:40

I agree with 19lottie82 and BettyBaggins she is your mum not a business associate! I am sure she didn't see you as a 'storage facility' she just wants some of the books for the other kids. I think you should just chill and let her take some of the books!

LeighaJ · 17/06/2018 13:48

They're your books now, your Mum is being completely unreasonable. Also there's another word for trying to sneakily take off with things, it's called theft. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she can't have the books. She has givers remorse which isn't your problem.

SuitedandBooted · 17/06/2018 13:55

Stopping her taking odd ones will be difficult unless you alarm the bookcase!

Assuming she is not taking them to sell on, and they are going to the other GC, I would just put the ones you really value away, and let her have some of the others. They can't all be just your childhood books - some must have belonged to your siblings.

Aridane · 17/06/2018 14:08

Did she give them to you are ask you to,store them?

mrsm43s · 17/06/2018 14:46

But surely, reasonably, the childhood books of you and your siblings should belong to all the siblings, regardless of whose house they are stored in? I don't really see why one sibling would get all the books and the others get none. TBH, I would think that they were (and had always been) you and your siblings property, and they weren't your mothers to gift. So you have been storing all of the family childrens books, and now your siblings have reason to want to use some of those books. By all means say that you refuse to store them for them anymore, and split them fairly between the siblings, but I don't see why you think you should have them all, to the detriment of your siblings and nieces and nephews.

SleepingStandingUp · 17/06/2018 15:29

Were the books yours and DS'isters first?

If so i'd get the kids to go through and save their favorites then I'd get Sis to come and have a rummage and take some to keep.

You have thousands of books, do you really have an emotional attachment to them all? And surely although both baby's might like the frog book, they'll both like the kitten book too so have one each. You baby doesn't need hundreds of books

Mumminmum · 17/06/2018 16:36

But the siblings could have spoken up ten years ago, if they wanted some of the books. YANBU OP the books are yours.

moredoll · 17/06/2018 16:43

I think it might be okay to take the books if you're okay with your mum leaving a proportionately larger share of her estate to your siblings. They're her books.

BMW6 · 17/06/2018 16:52

Yours and she is a cheeky bugger for basically getting free storage for 10 years.

Tell her they are not hers to regift to anyone else as they have been in your possession for 10 years.

Or alternatively she can take them ALL back and pay you storage costs

Pengggwn · 17/06/2018 16:56

From the siblings' point of view, they probably think some of the books weren't your DM's to give to you...

But you're right in principle - she shouldn't have used you as storage.

Weezol · 17/06/2018 16:59

You might want to double check what I'm about to say, because I was given this advice by a solicitor about six years ago and things may have changed.

My XH had stuff stored in the loft of a property owned by me. He kept saying he'd come and get it but never arranging anything. Two years later, he's telling all and sundry I'm witholding it to punish him for cheating.
Had a chat with my solicitor who advised that after two years it was now my stuff as he'd made no effort to collect it. It was legally considered that he had lost his rights to the stuff as he had abandoned it.

That leads me to think if I can legally keep/dispose of abandoned property, you are in the right to refuse to hand over the books after ten sodding years.

I would advise that you seperate the valuable books and store them elsewhere in the house for a while - perhaps in a wardrobe in your bedroom - rather than a communal space. Remove any temptation for a sneaky 'I was only borrowing it' situation to occur.

Hygge · 17/06/2018 17:12

PILs (when we were in contact) would do this to us.

In particular if DH's sister decided she wanted something they had given or promised to us. Including something we had bought from them, but hadn't yet taken possession of, and they gave her the item but kept our money and only told us on the day we were meant to get the item.

And they used to 'borrow' stuff from us and then fucking sell it at a car boot sale. Including books, so your post has obviously triggered my resentments Grin

They are your books now, they belong to you and your children and you need to have a firm word with her and remind her that she gave you the books ten years ago and you're not prepared to let her take them away from your children now to give to someone else.

JosBoys · 17/06/2018 17:14

I can't believe you've valued your DM's books and want to hold on to them. Plus you're assuming your DS will want the same books as his cousin. You sound hard work.
She's obviously changed her mind. If there are thousands of books (that is a lot!) I imagine she's only now realising there are some that she wants to pass on to other members of the family. I wouldn't begrudge my mum her own books. But then again, I wouldn't be looking at them as a financial investment either. Confused

Weezol · 17/06/2018 17:15

They were dumped on OP 10 years ago.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/06/2018 17:23

After a decade? How long is enough time?

Having just valued the ton of vinyl that got dumped on me in 2002, if my father ever asks for it back he will be told: It got sold! And yes, I think he will ask... he is about to mve back to the UK! He will try to say he gave it to me for safe keeping!

bevelino · 17/06/2018 17:32

It is hard to read that OP has thousands of children’s books and does not want to pass any of them to her own mother for the benefit of other young family members.

Original poster
booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 17:33

Oh I didn’t value them !!!!! Dm has realised that some of them are apparently ‘vintage collectibles’ and she had found out their value

OP posts:
Original poster
booksNstuff · 17/06/2018 17:33

My children are the same/similar ages as who she wants to give them too

OP posts:
Angel75 · 17/06/2018 17:33

Sort her some of the less valuable ones out as a peace sign, but i'd keep the good ones.