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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

7 year old Sons football team / coach - need opinions

63 replies

Em0203 · 16/06/2018 18:24

Ok so I need some opinions, I’ve wound myself up so much & need to know if I am being unreasonable. I have a step son who is 7 years old and me and my partner have him every other weekend. He joined a football team / club a year and half ago & has played for them ever since. The female coach took him on and wanted him as part of her team knowing the situation where he’d only be able to play every other weekend and wouldn’t be able to make training (due to distance when he’s with his mum). Myself and my partner were always really open and ensured it was ok with the coach that he’d not be there every week. We are now approaching a new season and she posted on a Facebook page to ask all us mums who wanted a form to resign for the new season. She then texted me yesterday saying that due to the circumstance, my step son is going to be unable to reassign for the new season and no longer be part of the team. When I questioned this, she said at the start of every season some children may not be asked to resign for the new season... they are 7 years old? am I missing something or is this completely unreasonable? His situation isn’t a new one and she took him on a year and half ago knowing he’d only play every other week and never ever mentioned his place may not be safe. She now expects me to explain to a 7 year old who loves and dreams football that he can no longer play... opinions please ?!?!?

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 16/06/2018 18:42

Tbh his parents are being totally unreasonable to not ensure he can commit to playing every week given that he's so interested. If they live too far apart to do this easily , then one or both needs to make the effort to ensure it can be worked out whether that's by varying contact agreement, driving more etc.

Its not the coaches fault.

AgentProvocateur · 16/06/2018 18:46

Agree with @saoirse31. Football (or any other weekly activity) is a commitment and it’s not fair On the coach or the rest of the team for a child to only be there 50%. The parents should sort out between them so that the child can go every week n

Leeds2 · 16/06/2018 18:47

Is she saying that DSS can't re sign because he isn't of a good enough standard, or because he can't commit to each week/training?

Stompythedinosaur · 16/06/2018 18:47

It's hard since she appears to have changed the goalposts, and 7 seems very young to talk about not being "resigned".

I do think most football clubs expect you to show up every time though.

Maybe look at whether you can compromise with the ex to find a club you can both take him to.

DameXanaduBramble · 16/06/2018 18:48

Well not being available for training or only playing every other weekend isn’t really in the spirit of being part of a junior team. Why not look for another club, there are loads out there. Children chop and change throughout their career often, obviously some stay with the same team from 6 - 18 but it’s not set in stone that they have to.

Leeds2 · 16/06/2018 18:49

Could he maybe join a club near his mum's house, so that she can take him to training and matches on the weekends when he is with her, and your DH takes him when he is with him?

DameXanaduBramble · 16/06/2018 18:50

And it’s a bit of a piss take to expect him to play when he hasn’t attended training.

TimeToDash · 16/06/2018 18:50

His Dad and ex should really make sure he gets there every week. Why can't his mum take him on her weeks? I can see why the football club did that as they could probably fill all those wasted weeks with someone else. Maybe they will reconsider if you can promise to get him there every week between you? Or if you are quite a way from his mum how about finding a football club midway between the two of you so he can go every week?

LIZS · 16/06/2018 18:55

Does she mean due to his attendance or is his limited attendance perhaps meaning his progress is not up to that of the rest of the team? It probably makes planning sessions and teams awkward and others may think they can also come and go as and when.

Orchidflower1 · 16/06/2018 18:57

Think how you’d feel if he didn’t get a place on a team he was attending every week and every match then someone else rocks up sporadically and plays- it’s not fair. It’s about commitment. When he signed 18months ago there was probably less interest in the team/ always places at a younger age. Sorry to say yabu. He needs to find something midway or a pay and play team.

MardalaRhyme · 16/06/2018 19:25

Sorry if this is a naive question, but is there no provision for recreational football for children then? Do 7 year olds really get kicked out of teams for not making enough progress? That's harsh!

Pengggwn · 16/06/2018 19:41

If she has other children keen to join the team who can commit to training every week, I think it's fair that she prioritises them.

araiwa · 16/06/2018 19:51

Maybe op can explain to the other kid who goes to training every week but gets dropped from the team like a bad smell every other week so some kid who occasionally turns up can play instead

CourtneyLovely · 16/06/2018 19:56

I agree, it's harsh for him but he can't train and be part of the team if he's only there half the time.

AnyCraic · 16/06/2018 19:59

Have to say I'm surprised at the responses so far. We are talking about a 7 year old child who wants to play and through no fault of his own, can't be there every week. It's probably difficult enough for him turning up every other week and knowing he has missed stuff. The club knew his situation at the outset and were willing to accommodate him for numbers but now he's surplus to requirements? I think it's completely lacking in empathy for this poor child to not allow him to play. As a parent I would have no problem in allowing him to be part of my child's team. If the club is really going to be so cut throat, I suggest trying to find a more accommodating club for him. Let the poor kid have fun!

theymademejoin · 16/06/2018 20:05

For god's sake, they're 7 years old, not 17. At that age it's all about participation and developing skills, or at least it should be.

I presume the British system is the same as the Irish one where all children under a certain age (either 12 or 14, I can't remember which) get to play matches regardless of ability. If it's not, parents should be campaigning for that.

If the issue is that they don't have enough supervision at training, then make parent commitment to help out a condition of joining the team. It would usually result in coming along a couple of times a term. Genuine reasons for not being able to do so will usually excuse the parents.

Original poster
Em0203 · 16/06/2018 20:12

Thank you to you all for your responses. Unfortunately it is not a case of a 10-20 mike distance. We are talking 80 miles. I do understand that other children may be able to make every week but I also think she shouldn’t have wanted him to join the team so bad if she knew perhaps later on she couldn’t accommodate. She knew the situation from the start and there’s been no pre warning, but just a message to say he can’t resign. She has always said the team is non competitive and about them being 7 years old and having fun... and now it seems to be different..

OP posts:
MeyYael · 16/06/2018 20:14

Only every second weekend?

Fair enough, things like this happen. (Divorced parents with different places of residence etc.. )

Not able to make training?

That might be 'ok' when they're still very little.

But when they're older?

Why would he be allowed to play if he didn't come to the trainigs?

NewYearNewMe18 · 16/06/2018 20:15

As an old hand at mini soccer and after... sorry OP your lad just doesn't cut the mustard, they have a full quota of players so they don't need him any longer. If he's really into it, then find a team where his school mates play, in the long term he'll be much happier..

MeyYael · 16/06/2018 20:17

I understand that this was badly handled and must be difficult for your DS.

But could he join a team a bit closer to home?

Making (most) trainings is rather important imo.

HolyMountain · 16/06/2018 20:17

Do I understand this correctly , you would have to drive him 80 miles to get him to where the team train and play?

inappropriatelyemployed · 16/06/2018 20:19

Find a club which tries to include all children. Look on the FA website for a Charter Standard club as the club will have policies in place and ensure all coaches are properly trained.

Any club which decides to 'dump' kids at the end of each season is not a club you should be paying your money to. Whatever the reason for the 'dumping'.

Not at all sure why it is considered relevant to mention the coach is female??

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:20

It’s possible she gave the situation a trial and found it didn’t work for the team.

I’m a coach and children who attend weekly as a regular thing (and of course I take into consideration needing to miss the odd training) would take priority over those who could only commit to every other week

HolyMountain · 16/06/2018 20:20

We are very old hands at junior football and I fully understand why your Coach has called a halt to the travelling your dss has to do.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:21

Any club which decides to 'dump' kids at the end of each season is not a club you should be paying your money to. Whatever the reason for the 'dumping'

Asking children to re-sign each season is completely standard. Asking a child to not return for a logistics issue is reasonable I think.