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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

7 year old Sons football team / coach - need opinions

63 replies

Em0203 · 16/06/2018 18:24

Ok so I need some opinions, I’ve wound myself up so much & need to know if I am being unreasonable. I have a step son who is 7 years old and me and my partner have him every other weekend. He joined a football team / club a year and half ago & has played for them ever since. The female coach took him on and wanted him as part of her team knowing the situation where he’d only be able to play every other weekend and wouldn’t be able to make training (due to distance when he’s with his mum). Myself and my partner were always really open and ensured it was ok with the coach that he’d not be there every week. We are now approaching a new season and she posted on a Facebook page to ask all us mums who wanted a form to resign for the new season. She then texted me yesterday saying that due to the circumstance, my step son is going to be unable to reassign for the new season and no longer be part of the team. When I questioned this, she said at the start of every season some children may not be asked to resign for the new season... they are 7 years old? am I missing something or is this completely unreasonable? His situation isn’t a new one and she took him on a year and half ago knowing he’d only play every other week and never ever mentioned his place may not be safe. She now expects me to explain to a 7 year old who loves and dreams football that he can no longer play... opinions please ?!?!?

OP posts:

EscapistTendencies · 16/06/2018 20:22

Normal round here, yes it's harsh. They do have to commit and turn up every week. My own DS got dropped from his club last year, there were tears, his first big rejection. It was tough but he got over it and joined a better club.

Cherryminx · 16/06/2018 20:22

I have also been involved as a soccer parent for many years and think this is rubbish. They are only playing friendly games at this age if at all. It should be about learning to play and having fun.

I would look for another team that has a different ethos. Either the coach has the wrong idea or maybe she has been moaned at by a load of over invested parents or maybe the team is very popular.

ToffeeUp · 16/06/2018 20:24

Do I read it correctly that he never goes to training and only plays every other week?

In that case I can understand why the team doesn't want to 're-sign' him. It wouldn't be fair on the kids who attend all sessions and training does make them playing like a team. At 7 kids are starting to take it a lot more serious.

Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 20:24

This is an unfortunate part of having two homes so far apart. At under 7's it wouldn't be too much of a big deal but kids football can be taken very seriously and I can't see many teams being happy with only 50% attendance especially as they start to get older. I can't see any way around it really unfortunately, my DS's 8 and 11 play for a football team, rugby team and cricket team between them and none of them would agree to this arrangement. Could he just go to football training not linked to a team, there are lots run by private companies on an evening and weekend.

MeyYael · 16/06/2018 20:26

Do I read it correctly that he never goes to training and only plays every other week?

That's how I understood it as well, yes.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:27

It should be about learning to play and having fun

The learning to play bit isn’t always compatible with patchy attendance. At the beginning of each period, I plan my sessions to get maximum teaching of skills in the time frame. If a child is missing 50% of the sessions, he either doesn’t catch up which affects the other children or I have to catch him up by recoaching every other session, which affects the other children.

Cantspell2 · 16/06/2018 20:27

under 6s don’t generally have a league or play competitive matches. They do play but it will just be a kick around with other under 6s in the club so numbers is not an issue.
When they become under 7s the league starts with 5 a side playing 20 minutes each way.
The issue is probably now that they are in a league and they cannot offer a place to a child who isn’t there half the time. If they did it would mean another child who was there all the time would miss out after paying for their full time place.

inappropriatelyemployed · 16/06/2018 20:39

I run a Charter Standard club. Telling 7 year olds they cannot join a club at the beginning of a season is certainly not 'completely standard'.

However, advising parents there are commitments to abide by if the child wants to play matches is different. But this should be clearly set out in a code signed by parent with the club and it should be transparently discussed, not sprung on someone.

Also, it should not stop a child playing football at sessions run by the club as opposed to matches.

Cherryminx · 16/06/2018 20:41

Ok - just noticed the bit that he doesn't go to training so I get why the coach doesn't want him. He does need to go to training but at this age my DS was in a team where training and matches were on the same day/ interchangeable.

Agree with the person upthread who said maybe try to find a coaching class to go to - he'll probably learn better skills that way anyway.

inappropriatelyemployed · 16/06/2018 20:41

Cantspell2 - OP says her stepson is 7. This means he is u7 this year and u8 next season.

The rules are that a child must have turned 6 to play in any kind of football match.

U7s include children in Y2 at school and those in Y1 who have turned 6.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:43

Telling 7 year olds they cannot join a club at the beginning of a season is certainly not 'completely standard'

Good job I didn’t say that isn’t it? I said:-

Asking children to re-sign each season is completely standard which it is. Every club I’ve ever coached at has asked children to re-sign pre-season for register purposes.

inappropriatelyemployed · 16/06/2018 20:47

Children register at the club. No one is 'signed'. They're children not pros whatever some parents might like to believe,

This club is refusing to sign a child who has been previously registered at the club which is the point so essentially dumping him whatever words you use.

The club should have a clear policy in place and should communicate with parents.

OP - speak to this club's welfare officer if they have one. It is compulsory for affiliated clubs to have one.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:50

Children register at the club. No one is 'signed'. They're children not pros whatever some parents might like to believe

“Re-sign” as in sign up again. We ask parents to re-sign each year. Sport at this age is so transitory it isn’t appropriate to assume children will play each year for a multitude of reasons

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 20:51

OP - I note you say the club is 80 miles away. If he enjoys the sport would finding a club mid-way between both houses be an option?

inappropriatelyemployed · 16/06/2018 20:53

The fact that people are all guessing what has happened demonstrates poor communication on the part of the club.

Find somewhere else - look at the FA website for Charter Standard Clubs and check out their websites. Look for a club which prioritises child-led environment with clear standards on parent/club communication and codes etc.

Explain your child's needs.

We have many children facing complex circumstances, including parents who can't pay.

Most clubs I know would have a clear conversation about this with you and offer alternative suggestions if it isn't working for them (or more importantly for your child).

Rachie1973 · 16/06/2018 20:55

our sons had to attend the weekly training to be eligible to play on the Saturday match. It was over subscribed and that's just how it was sadly.

W0rriedMum · 16/06/2018 20:56

It is unfortunate but children are "invited" back to teams after each season.

Depending on how many have joined and how the child develops, they may or may not make the grade. This makes sense when you think about it, otherwisee a child who joins at 6 would have a guaranteed place until 16, and newcomers would never get a chance to play at all.

The vast majority of clubs are run by volunteers for free. They don't have the resources to run multiple teams for every child that wants to play, particularly if the child only plays sporadically.

Something similar happened to my child and it was tough, but ultimately understandable.

Cantspell2 · 16/06/2018 20:56

Then it sounds like they tried it for a season and found it didn’t work for them and I can understand why. They probably had complaints from other children and parents that someone who didn’t train and only turned up every other week was getting to play over someone who trained each week and turned up each week.

Not the step sons fault but neither is it fair on the child who turns up yet gets dropped so he can play.

Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 20:57

JacquesHammer they call it 're-signing' because at the end of every season every player is 'released' and free to move teams if they want to (there are certain parts of the season where you can't move team) At the end of every season therefore there is absolutely no guarantee that a player will stay at the same team. Obviously you would hope they would and teams wouldn't just tell players they didn't want them back due to ability etc. This is not the situation here, the OP's step.son was very lucky to find a team willing to take him on the basis she described even at his age let alone now he is older. The team are allowed to.do what they have done so there is no point fighting that, she can of course look for an alternative team that will but she is very very unlikely to find one.

BlueBellChristmas · 16/06/2018 20:57

Being a football mum for over 12 years you are BU. The team needs commitment. You dont turn up for training and games are even other week. There are parents out there who stand out on the sideline in every weather and yiu just turn up when its convenient expecting your kid to play?

Id be extremely pissed off. The older they get the more commitment you need to show.

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 21:01

JacquesHammer they call it 're-signing' because at the end of every season every player is 'released' and free to move teams if they want to (there are certain parts of the season where you can't move team) At the end of every season therefore there is absolutely no guarantee that a player will stay at the same team

I know! That’s what I said!

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 21:02

@Littletreefrog

This is what I posted:-

“Re-sign” as in sign up again. We ask parents to re-sign each year. Sport at this age is so transitory it isn’t appropriate to assume children will play each year for a multitude of reasons

Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 21:05

Sorry JacquesHammer too many ciders while watching the World Cup! I meant to address that to inappropriatelyemployed

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 21:06

@Littletreefrog no problem at all I was wondering if my exhausted typing was more muddled than I thought!

stressedoutfred · 16/06/2018 21:08

Been in a very similar position myself, years ago.

My then 6 year old joined a team which was taken over within months by his best friends Dad. This dad knew the situation with DS and being with his dad EOW would mean he'd only be able to make alternating matches but would be able to go to every mid week training. I was reassured this was fine

Roll on a couple years later and we noticed DS was getting subbed a lot- DH would take him to matches miles away for him to play a tiny fraction of the match. After keeping an eye on it I sent an email to the coach to be told that it wasn't fair for DS to get as much playing time as the other boys as they "showed more devotion " . Funnily enough a lot of the other players didn't attend mid week training but that didn't matter

We didn't hang around for long after that!!

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