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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

7 year old Sons football team / coach - need opinions

63 replies

Em0203 · 16/06/2018 18:24

Ok so I need some opinions, I’ve wound myself up so much & need to know if I am being unreasonable. I have a step son who is 7 years old and me and my partner have him every other weekend. He joined a football team / club a year and half ago & has played for them ever since. The female coach took him on and wanted him as part of her team knowing the situation where he’d only be able to play every other weekend and wouldn’t be able to make training (due to distance when he’s with his mum). Myself and my partner were always really open and ensured it was ok with the coach that he’d not be there every week. We are now approaching a new season and she posted on a Facebook page to ask all us mums who wanted a form to resign for the new season. She then texted me yesterday saying that due to the circumstance, my step son is going to be unable to reassign for the new season and no longer be part of the team. When I questioned this, she said at the start of every season some children may not be asked to resign for the new season... they are 7 years old? am I missing something or is this completely unreasonable? His situation isn’t a new one and she took him on a year and half ago knowing he’d only play every other week and never ever mentioned his place may not be safe. She now expects me to explain to a 7 year old who loves and dreams football that he can no longer play... opinions please ?!?!?

OP posts:

Oblomov18 · 16/06/2018 21:08

No, not harsh. Our team expects each player to attend Tuesday training, Saturday training and Sunday match.

If you can't commit, maybe football isn't for you?

Littletreefrog · 16/06/2018 21:08

JacquesHammer it seems like we are trying to explain the same thing so I will leave it in your capable and possibly more sober hands

JacquesHammer · 16/06/2018 21:09

Littletreefrog I’ll give you sober, I’m on the tea. But capable? Not a given

BertrandRussell · 16/06/2018 21:14

It’s tricky. My dp was a coach and tried really hard to be inclusive. He had a couple of kids who couldn’t: come every week because of having two homes, and he got so much hassle from the other parents when he picked them for matches. And I can sort of see their point of view- he asked for commitment and regular attendance at training but made exceptions for those two. Difficult.

StillNoClue · 16/06/2018 21:32

If he's never made any training and only there every second week, she might be finding it harder to keep the parents of other kids happy, who do make the weekly training and who turn up every week. Imagine how annoyed if your child who regularly turns up, gets dropped for a child who has never come to training.

It must also be difficult for the kids to play when he's not involved in training.

She may have realised that is logistically harder than first imagined, either that, or there are more kids who wants to play this year.

Maybe find something that works better for one week every so often, or see if his Mum can take him to football training so he can still play, but at a local club. That way he still makes the weekly training and then misses 1 game every 2 weeks.

Budgiegirlbob · 16/06/2018 21:40

For god's sake, they're 7 years old, not 17. At that age it's all about participation and developing skills, or at least it should be

It is about that, but it is likely there will be limited spaces available. Unfortunately the OPs child can’t fully participate, and may be taking up a place of a child who is able to give a full commitment. It’s a shame for the OPs child, but i can see why it would happen

DameXanaduBramble · 16/06/2018 22:27

Better than paying your subs and he’s not played..at least she is being honest and upfront.

FASH84 · 16/06/2018 22:55

I'm assuming he is with mum during the week? Can he find a team there? If he can go to training weekly during the week, but only every other match that's better than not being able to go to training at all and only every other match. So in a month he'd attend 6 sessions out of eight (2 matches, 4 training) whereas at the moment he attends 2 out of eight (2 matches, 0 training) . A team might be more amenable to that and he would get to play more even if not in a match context.

noego · 16/06/2018 22:57

My advice would be to chat to the Club Welfare Officer or the County FA welfare officer. This is mini soccer and there are FA guidelines for this.

user1955 · 17/06/2018 13:47

If there are only a certain number of spaces to play each week how fair is it on the child that turns up to training every week and commits to play every week to bumped when your DSS is around? As a parent I would be cross at that.

ForalltheSaints · 17/06/2018 14:30

I think that as it is a change made at the end of the season, perfectly reasonable by the coach of the team. There is a chance of finding another team or doing whatever is needed to ensure he can play every week.

Though as he is a part-time player, he can be a future manager of the Welsh football team!

clarrylove · 17/06/2018 14:42

Every club I know will want a commitment to training, even Chartered Clubs. It is unrealistic to expect to turn up and play a match for a club without attending their prep sessions.

The alternative is you look for a Pay and Play type facility - indoor football arenas often offer this and this might work better for you as there is no commitment to train with them.

MeyYael · 17/06/2018 15:46

Every club I know will want a commitment to training, even Chartered Clubs. It is unrealistic to expect to turn up and play a match for a club without attending their prep sessions.

I agree. A commitment to matches is usually not as important (especially at lower levels, seeing as there are usually more than enough children that want to compete).

But playing matches without regularly making trainings? I just don't see how that would work, tbh...

It seems rather unfair to the children that did attend the trainings.

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