To think that DH should take over in the house when I have a flare up of my chronic condition?

[WilsonPhillips]

We both work full time. 2 DCs aged 8 and 11.

I have a chronic condition that is unlikely to get any better. It may not get any worse but will never get better. I am on medication and for the most part am ok and always end up doing everything in the house and for the DCs.

My condition does flare up from time to time and I have a few days where I'm really unwell and tired and just can't do the things I normally do.

AIBU to expect DH to take over in the house if I am unwell? He doesn't think he should have to (although my condition is a bone of contention for him anyway), and that I can just catch up on everything when I'm better. Ok so yes I can hoover and do laundry etc to catch up but I can't exactly tell the kids to have no meals and I'll cook them all when I'm better can I?!

I'm feeling very unwell today and DH hasn't done a thing. He won't even discuss what we're going to have for dinner tonight or go to the shop to buy food.

No, not unreasonable at all.

I have a chronic condition and work fulltime. When it flares up, I'm off to bed, DH politely makes himself scarce and realises he is providing ready meals/pizza for dinner as the poor man can barely turn on the hob

No kids but I'm sure he would have taken the hint on that too. DH does the laundry anyway.

Ofc YANBU - why is your DH not doing his 50% anyway? You need to go on strike. Just go for a rest and leave him to it.

My DH has a chronic condition and I regularly do more childcare and chores to give him much needed downtime.

Yanbu he should be stepping up when you can't manage but then again he should be doing half of all shopping, cooking, cleaning and childcare etc even when your condition isn't flaring up!

I have a chronic illness and my DH does everything anyway, even when I'm not too bad. I try my best, but he gets cross if I exert myself, and does all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, school runs etc as well as working full time. As long as I do the admin stuff, he's happy. There's absolutely no way he'd let me lift a finger during a flare.

He absolutely should be stepping up. I have a few different chronic illnesses, which affect me in varying degrees, and I couldn't have a more understanding DP. In fact, I was only saying to him yesterday how much harder I would find things were he less understanding and less helpful, so for that for you op.

Just go to bed and let him get on with it. Take as long as you need. The kids won't go unfed I'm sure; they won't let him get away with not feeding them.

It sounds like you do the majority (or everything) when you're not in a flare is that right? How come? He should be sharing the load all the time and stepping up to do more when you're struggling. I have a chronic illness. My DH probably does 80% of the household stuff when I'm 'well', to help avoid a crash, and 100% when I'm in a crash.
It doesn't sound like a partnership at the moment

Yanbu. Is there somewhere you can go so he has to step up?

My DH doesn’t cope well emotionally when I have a flare, but he does step up and sort out the kids and whatever they need (he does a lot anyway). What’s his reasoning for not pulling his weight all the time since you both work full time? He needs an arse kicking.

YANBU and your DH sounds like a total wanker, to be honest. DP and I both work full time and try to split everything 50%. Neither of us feel like we're doing enough! And if the other one is feeling ill, the other will at least make sure there's something for dinner even if it is just cheesy chips! :D

Are you saying your husband doesn't feed your children when you're ill?

Why doesn’t he do at least 50% normally and 100% when you ill?

You both work full time; if he shared everything house/ childcare related 50/50 then perhaps your condition might not flare up so much?

If you both work full time, why are these things only your responsibility anyway?

Ask him that. We all know the answer, of course, but make the sexist pig actually say it out loud.

What is the point of him?
Lazy sod.

Not on at all. Why is your illness a bone of contention?

he does nothing - sorry even if you didnt have a chronic condition that would be our of order

If you both work full time he should be doing 50% of it anyway? Doesn't he ever cook for his children, hoover or do the washing?

My illness is a bone of contention because he doesn't believe I'm ill.

If I'm ill no he won't feed the kids, I have to feed them myself.

If you both work full time then why isn’t he doing 50% of the housework/chores/cooking anyway?

My illness is a bone of contention because he doesn't believe I'm ill

He thinks you’re lying about being ill? He really dislikes you, doesn’t he?

He thinks that the illness I have doesn't really exist

What does he think is causing your chronic and debilitating symptoms then?

Is it ME Op? I had a friend who had ME when we were teens. Her dad didn’t believe it was a “real” condition because he is a knob It looked bloody real to the rest of us, luckily including her lovely mum. My friend is now NC with her dad, with no regrets. Your “D”H sounds as knobby as my friend’s dad, and he absolutely ought to be pulling his weight all the time, but especially during a flare.

I have MS. My dh would naturally take over. He already does a lot of cooking and shopping.
It's how we roll. We have each other's backs.