Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think you wait for your kids to say goodbye to the cat before calling its owners

94 replies

Kjoetthue · 15/06/2018 19:01

We've had a 'stray' cat hanging around for the past couple of weeks, my daughters have grown really attached. We've seen it occasionally over the past few years, it visited every now and again, but never stayed for more than an hour or so. But since the weekend before last it's been sitting in our garden pretty much all day long.

My mum spotted a missing cat poster today, but didn't take the details. I came home today with the baby, leaving my children with my mum for a while, while I put the baby to bed, I mentioned the poster to my OH, suggested he go and take a look. To be honest I didn't think for one minute he would even move from him computer, because, quite frankly he is lazy.
Baby was almost asleep when I heard the doorbell and excited chatting downstairs. He'd only gone and called the owner there and then. So they've taken the cat, which is lovely for them, but surely he would have THOUGHT first that maybe his daughters, who love this bloody cat, could say goodbye, maybe even chat a little to the owner? It's an interesting cat and would have made a lovely conversation for them to share, the owner sounded nice, judging by the cheerful and happy tone of voice I heard.

I'm really angry that he didn't think of our daughters' feeling, or even mine to be honest, and also because they woke the baby up, who is now super overtired and so grumpy, but wide awake, and I have a ton of work to do while he will spend the evening chilling out and being unhelpful.

I almost think he's done it out of spite. He didn't want the cat to stay, not that I thought it would and I did want to find out if it had owners or what might have happened. He's had nothing to do with it, and has mostly ignored mine and the kids' enthusiasm and excitement for their little friend. So how was it up to him to call them like that without telling us first or even waiting a couple of hours for the kids to get back?

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 15/06/2018 19:51

But op didnt hear the conversation and has leapt to a huge conclusion. I'm just saying ops husband is obviously upset ting her somehow and the cat situation is the catalyst. Excuse the pun.

Kjoetthue · 15/06/2018 19:51

Anyway, the girls are home. They're disappointed the cat's not in the garden but the oldest is happy he's got his owners back. No drama.

OP posts:
FoxesSitOnBoxes · 15/06/2018 19:53

The owners are allowed to go on holiday.
You are sounding completely bizarre about a cat who has been in your garden for a few days.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 15/06/2018 19:54

Dickybow, was about to answer but I'm no cat expert and there's a Mumsnet section for cat lovers. Perhaps start a thread there?

We got one of our cats this way. Her owner had lost interest and was happy we wanted her.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 15/06/2018 19:55

If the owners had been away the cat was probably being fed by a neighbour but otherwise out all day so roamed further than its usual patch into your garden.

It sounds as if you & your daughters would get pleasure from having a cat of your own OP - perhaps you can take them to the local cat shelter to choose one of their own?

MyOtherUsernameisaPun · 15/06/2018 19:56

I think it's better that the kids didn't have a long drawn out goodbye with the cat - better to briskly tell them it's gone home to its family and not indulge any upset on their part.

It sounds like you would like a cat of your own, you should rescue one!

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 15/06/2018 19:58

Dickybow does the cat look reasonably well fed & cared for? It could be just lonely if its owners are out all day at work?

QuizzlyBear · 15/06/2018 20:01

I'm a bit shocked that you prioritise your feelings and your children's over the owners of the cat who were obviously worried!

You already said the cat pops over frequently so they'll see it again soon. It's not as though that was their only opportunity to say goodbye! Maybe get a bit of a grip (and a pet of your own if you feel so strongly about someone else's)

On the other point, you're very scathing about your DH, so I think you have bigger issues than someone else's cat.

Kjoetthue · 15/06/2018 20:02

Thanks for the replies. In a way it's nice to know that I'm being unreasonable rather than OH being thoughtless and mean.

We'd love a cat but OH wouldn't. My parents have cats so we get to share the cat love. I can understand how worried the owner must have felt and do admit I was being selfish for wanting to wait a bit.

OP posts:
MarthaArthur · 15/06/2018 20:07

At least you accept you were unreasonable here op. Is there any way dh would agree to a cat of your own?

MarthaArthur · 15/06/2018 20:08

If not i dont know. Is there any local cat shelters you could volunteer at?

Dickybow321 · 15/06/2018 20:14

Thanks prawn

MrsOsmond yes she does, she looks very well cared for and doesn't seem hungry. That could be the case because she just seems to want attention. She's happy to sit on your lap for absolutely ages and falls asleep 😍

WeAllHaveWings · 15/06/2018 20:15

Always a bad idea to encourage other peoples pet cats into your garden.

Firstly because they'll shit every where and cat shit is disease ridden.

Secondly because they are someone else's loved pet and giving them attention results in them not going home as expected, causing its real family distress.

If you see a cat around for years and it doesn't look significantly underweight, ill, injured or neglected leave it be as it is not a stray.

If you want a pet for your daughters to teach them about loving and caring for an animal get one out of the rescue centre, pay for its food and vet bills and leave other peoples cats alone.

ItsNachoCheese · 15/06/2018 20:18

Yabu! If this happened to my dog (or cat if i had one) id be absolutely fuming at you. It wasnt your cat nor your daughters cat. Im glad your dh had the sense to contact owner asap

fascinated · 15/06/2018 20:22

See, this is a good use of AIBU

Has clarified a few things for the OP, it seems.

OP - it’s torture trying to settle a baby when folk are faffing around loudly in the house. I feel your pain. Hopefully it is just that and some general sleep deprivation that is pissing you off and you will be fine soon. If not, and there are bigger issues, then good luck.

TopBitchoftheWitches · 15/06/2018 20:27

op

You didn't say whether you fed the cat.

Gabilan · 15/06/2018 20:28

I mentioned the poster to my OH, suggested he go and take a look. To be honest I didn't think for one minute he would even move from him computer, because, quite frankly he is lazy.

Hmm. So when he does something he is criticised for it, and when he doesn't it is lazy. Sounds like he's damned either way.

As I think you're realising OP, there's a lot more to this than just the cat. I hope you can get things sorted.

mrsFruitLoops · 15/06/2018 20:38

YABU.

People who own cats are allowed to go away on holiday, We get a neighbour to watch our cat. She feeds her twice a day, plays with her, and really does look after her. If we got back off holiday to find our cat missing, not only would me, dh and my own children be upset, but so would the neighbour.

Our cat has gone missing a few times for a couple of days, the dc have cried themselves to sleep, every extra hour drags, we walked the streets shouting for her, knocking on doors.... the not knowing and wondering is the worst part of it all. And I'd be fuming if someone was withholding her just so her dc could say goodbye.

And on the other side of the coin....we also found a stray with kittens.... yes our dc were attached, but when the rehoming centre found a foster home for them my dc didn't get to say goodbye as they were at school, they were happy they were safe....that was so much easier to deal with than the times they didn't know whether our cat was dead or alive.

lifechangesforever · 15/06/2018 21:15

YABVVU - if it was my dog that was missing, I'd want someone to call the second they knew it was mine, to stop me going out of my mind with worry and I'd be there in the next moment. I would appreciate that they had been well looked after and loved but I wouldn't expect to have to wait whilst all family members said goodbye.

CatLadyToddlerMother · 15/06/2018 21:24

I can see why your disappointed. But if that was my cat, I'd myself have a very upset little girl at home missing her "friend", the owners may have had their own children missing their pet.

WTFnnoh · 15/06/2018 22:41

I’d be raging if someone was withholding my missing cat! You’re being totally unreasonable. How incredibly selfish that you would delay someone getting their animal back so your children could “say goodbye.” You have no idea what that cat means to that family. For a lot of people pets aren’t possessions, they’re precious. I can’t belive that you are angry at your OH for doing the right thing??

Marriedwithchildren5 · 15/06/2018 22:53

I hope the op has hidden this thread. How many more people need to let her know she's being u? She's got it. It's all resolved!

TemptressofWaikiki · 15/06/2018 23:04

I hope the op has hidden this thread. How many more people need to let her know she's being u? She's got it. It's all resolved!

No, she didn’t get it! She has been snippy and passive-aggressive after not getting a bunch of huns encouraging her in her daft, deluded behaviour.

Kjoetthue · 15/06/2018 23:25

No, she didn’t get it! She has been snippy and passive-aggressive after not getting a bunch of huns encouraging her in her daft, deluded behaviour.

How so?
I accepted I was wrong.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 15/06/2018 23:27

Get a kitten

Swipe left for the next trending thread