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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu Neighbour and Cat?

95 replies

ShadowHuntress · 14/06/2018 19:00

Named changed as I am a regular poster and do not want to be recognised

For context, neighbours moved in around 8 months ago and we get on very well. Their kids play with my kids. Kids have been over for movie night, we’ve helped them a couple of times on the school run when mum had her baby a few weeks ago

So I have a 1 year old cat who was only a few months old when they moved. The kids love my cat. We’ve always let them come over and play with her whenever they want. We had her neutered and started letting her out around 2 months ago. Since then, the neighbours kids have been actively encouraging her to go over to their garden. A couple of times I saw them actually pick her up and take her into their house. She didn’t seem best pleased.

Anyway, i had a word to the kids and told their mum that I have no problem with them playing with the cat in my garden or in my home, but please could they not pick her up and take her in their house. She has a condition where she is on lifetime medication that makes her wee a lot and needs contact access to her litter tray. I also mentioned this to the mum.

A few days later I call the cat to come in and hear her meowing. Look up and see her crying and clawing by their bedroom window trying to get out. I went straight over to knock, mum answered saying sorry but she didn’t realise the kids must have taken her up to their room and they’d shut the door so she couldn’t get out. I was a little annoyed but politely asked again to please tell her kids not to pick up the cat and especially not to take her into their house. Reminded her again about cat needing the litter tray.

So, a few days later I hear banging on the door. Mum from next door has come over to tell me that she’s come home to cat locked in their bedroom where she has peed all over their bed. She is now telling me I have to get her a new bed as she can’t get the smell out.

Aibu to tell her it’s her kids fault as not my responsibility to get her a new bed?

OP posts:
Original poster
ShadowHuntress · 14/06/2018 19:57

LighthouseSouth 😂

OP posts:
eddielizzard · 14/06/2018 19:57

say 'i'm not surprised! as i've explained the cat has a medical condition and i've repeatedly asked you not to take her in your home. sorry she's peed on your bed, you can buy this spray from x shop to take away the smell. good luck'

cholka · 14/06/2018 19:57

She's in the wrong, but maybe if she's sleep deprived with a new baby she's just at the end of her tether and a cat-piss smelling bed is the last thing she needs - her fault but she's taking it out on you.

ErictheGuineaPig · 14/06/2018 20:01

Those kids are far too old to be doing that when explicitly told not to. I'd almost understand if they were infant school age as their impulse control is still crap. Definitely don't pay her a penny.

ProfYaffle · 14/06/2018 20:01

"Cats are like houdini, this is not possible"

We've had fencing like in the photo for a couple of years, works really well. It's possible to accommodate trees/sheds etc. We lost our previous cat on the main road at the front of our house, this gives us peace of mind (and stops next door's cat gang crapping in our garden Hmm )

Mia184 · 14/06/2018 20:03

Your neighbour might have a better chance to remove the smell with a specific odour remover: www.zooplus.com/shop/cats/cat_litter/odour_management/sprays/214127

HeckyPeck · 14/06/2018 20:03

Sounds like like poetic justice to me! In the interests of neighbourliness I might offer to collect some of that spray for her as she has a newborn but I certainly wouldn't accept blame!

Jux · 14/06/2018 20:04

Shout at the kids every time they pick her up or try to call her in. Hold no prisoners.

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/06/2018 20:05

YANBU at all. Perhaps for the sake of neighbourly relations I’d buy a bottle of enzyme spray. She’s angry and taking it out on you instead of her girls. She has a new baby plus 2 girls doing what the hell they want with the neighbours cat. That’s tough so I’d give her some slack. I don’t think you want another awkward neighbour situation so at this point it isn’t about who’s right or wrong.

I’d give it to her along with a note restating that your cat has a medical condition and to please ensure in future she remains on your property and isn’t taken inside and shut inside her house as she needs constant access to a litter tray.

Emma198 · 14/06/2018 20:06

@TwilightSparklePants I've been wanting to get that fencing but that's been my fear 😭😭 I'm sure it says that other cats can't get in either! But it looks like it would be easy.

TemptressofWaikiki · 14/06/2018 20:06

Good kitty Grin Hopefully, this will mean that your daft neighbour actually has sterner words with her kids and they leave your poor cat alone. My response would be "You can kiss my booboo!"

Stormwhale · 14/06/2018 20:11

It's not your fault op, but I think I would feel torn too. I have had absolutely awful neighbours and would worry about conflict too. I would see how reasonable she is later. Hopefully once she has calmed down and had a think she will see that you have tried to prevent this in every way you can so should not be liable.

Original poster
ShadowHuntress · 14/06/2018 20:16

I don’t think that fence would do much good in my garden as we only have a fence on one side - their side. The other side is closed in by my other neighbours brick garage and there is no way he would let us drill anything into it. Anyway, I will be keeping the cat in for a couple of days anyway just until this blows over. She won’t be happy about it though

OP posts:
dontticklethetoad · 14/06/2018 20:17

TwilightSparklePants

@Chocolatedeficitdisorder my parents have fencing like that. It's stops their cats getting out but the neighbours cat still gets in, then can't get out!

I have just laughed myself silly at this. I just imagined fence to fence cats all piled up on each other, with more falling in over the fence and not being able to get out. Grin

Bitsandbobsalot · 14/06/2018 20:18

If I was your ndn I’d be very annoyed at HER KIDS not you or the cat even. Cat pee/poop is the worst 🤢
Hopefully she’s calmed down and realises it not your fault op.

My old ndn took in my “stray kitten” (14 year old out door cat) and wouldn’t be told that she hates been inside and will poop everywhere. Until old kitty crapped on her new sofa and then bed and then carpet. Funny enough my cat never disappeared again 😂

Donthugmeimscared · 14/06/2018 20:20

Might be worth mentioning to your neighbour that once cats pee somewhere they are more likely to do it there again. It's her fault though for not teaching her children to leave the cat alone. As for those fences they are fine unless you have a postage stamp 7ft by 7st sized harden like mine surrounded by a stupid picket fence.

TwilightSparklePants · 14/06/2018 20:21

@Emma198 @dontticklethetoad

It's quite funny but they don't come back a second time, when you eventually manage to get them out!

Original poster
ShadowHuntress · 14/06/2018 20:21

Also, I didn’t think that she may be sleep deprived and stressed with a newborn and taking it out on me. It makes sense as she’s usually lovely. As I mentioned, I took her kids into school with mine while she was in hospital having new baby. She was very grateful and came over a week later with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates to say thank you. She has also had my kids over to hers for movie night and made them snacks. I’m just waiting for DH to co e home and I’m going to go over. Will keep you posted

OP posts:
letstryagainaaahhhh · 14/06/2018 20:22

Your poor cat. Can't believe how cheeky they have been. Do not pay!

Ladymadness · 14/06/2018 20:24

Her dc are 12 and 10. Definitley old enough to understand not to steal someones cat. Sounds like they dont get told no often enough.
Yadnbu she should be mad at her dc not you.

Kamma89 · 14/06/2018 20:25

You're 100% in the right here OP. Neighbour has no right to ask you for anything! However, you mention you've had horrible neighbours before & seem to like these ones so be firm but maybe offer to go halves with her on a cleaning product or something. Only if you're worried about rocking the boat. I personally wouldn't but it's a back up option if conversation turns South. Hopefully she's calmed down now!

Thewinedidit · 14/06/2018 20:27

I would not pay for a new bed but in the interest of good neighbourly relations I would probably go over with the enzyme spray and help her clean it. If she has a new baby she may likely already be at the end of her tether. Whilst it's absolutely not your fault she might appreciate the kindness and it may make you closer rather than the alternative of a feud.

I'd use the time to ensure she has the message that her kids cannot take your cat.

LighthouseSouth · 14/06/2018 20:28

I would definitely underline the message about her DC being mean to the cat. that makes me sad.

not that I expect her to care about that, lol.

ForTheLoveOfCakes · 14/06/2018 20:30

Very cheeky of her to even ask!!

JuicySwan · 14/06/2018 20:30

I just don’t believe that anyone would be that cheeky.